🤷♀️ Lil Treasures #51: C'est quoi Gritty and Advent Recommendations
DISCLAIMER: look, I wrote this in just a bummed out mood. If you’re not looking for that vibe today, I get it. I really do. And no judgment. So I’m gonna put a line where I stop being sad and force myself to find joy in treasures, and if you want, you can just skip right to that. BUT if you need someone to sit in your sadness today, boy. I’ve got you. Okay, disclaimer over.
Because I know I can be real with you all, I am here to report that this week finds me in my Sads. And it’s like a moving dartboard to try and figure out why I am in my Sads. Is it Daylight Savings Time? Is it what feels like the unraveling of our country? Is it a family friend who is in the hospital with COVID? Is it that my oldest child is turning into a teenager right in front of my eyes? Have I not had enough water? Should I buy something else? How come this prayer app isn’t making me feel better? Where’s the peanut butter jar that I keep for emergencies? It’s gone too. Only the Sads remain.
This week, one of our kids accidentally left some medication opened on the ledge over our sink. Cyrus did not throw away his shot and as soon as he happened to find himself alone for .03 seconds while he washed his hands, he just grabbed that medicine and poured it down his gullet. In those moments of panic between sticking my finger down his throat to induce vomiting (hey here’s a fun fact: Poison Control does not recommend that anymore!) and waiting to hear if we needed to take him to the ER to have his stomach pumped, in between one kid getting mad that we were giving him “too much attention” and the other drowning in guilt for what was truly an honest mistake (and you better believe she knows better now), I paused to take stock of myself. I felt nothing. No panic. No fear. And I was like, why am I not freaking out? And then Other Me (Other Me is decidedly wiser and calmer) was like, girl, you’ve literally been in panic mode since February. This has been your natural state of living. You’re just used to it. (Also Cyrus is fine and merely joins his sisters in the Poison Control Database for the rest of time.)
I feel as though every day since February (maybe longer) has been an emergency, waiting to see what chaos is due, managing emotions and expectations for myself and the people I am in charge of. Like the frog in the pot, the heat just keeps rising, and I keep telling myself to adjust. The respite of the holidays doesn’t even seem real right now: will we even get to celebrate it with any kind of normalcy? It’s not looking likely, and I join the rest of you in this manic chant of I AM OVER THIS.
Here’s what I think it is, now that I’m processing this with all of you like you’re my therapist: hope deferred. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. And my heart is sick right now. Truthfully, I am epically bummed. I was hoping this would be over by now, and it’s not. It’s the worst it’s ever been. So yes. Hope has been deferred and I know this will not be how it is forever, it’s still like this now. And I’m giving you (if you need it) and me permission to just be bummed this day/week/month, without a fake bow stuck on top of it.
Here’s that line:
👇
Okay this visit to the Sads has reached the end of the line for this week. Please exit the train in an orderly fashion, and remember to take your belongings.
If I have to force some happiness into my life, this was actually a pretty good week for that. The memes! A presidential (elect) address that I didn’t feel nervous about my kids watching! Ben started watching The Crown with me and y’all he doesn’t know ANYTHING about the royal family, so it’s all completely spoiler-free for him. “Will the Philip guy die in this plane crash?” “Oh this David guy is really entitled!” It’s the best, so pure, highly recommend.
🕯 Some of you have asked about an Advent guide, and while I’m not putting one out this year (maybe next year), I do have recommendations! As always, if you can, purchase through your local bookseller, but if you can’t, they are linked below (they are affiliate links, which just means if you purchase via these links, I get a tiny commission at no extra cost to you).
Tsh Oxenrieder’s beautiful Shadow & Light, based on her digital guide, is practical and lovely. It’s going to be my Advent captain this season.
Scott Erickson’s Honest Advent — I love pretty much everything Scott Erickson does, and this is a no-brainer for me. It’s sitting in the co-captain chair with S&L.
If you’re looking for something thick and rich, Fleming Rutledge’s Advent: The Once and Future Coming of Jesus Christ is a great choice. It’s not a devotional, more essay/sermons.
Watch For The Light is an excellent collection of writings from people like Annie Dillard, Henri Nouwen, Madeleine L’Engle, and Thomas Merton.
There’s also an Advent prayer compilation featuring Nouwen’s writings that I love.
Fr. Rohr’s daily meditations for Advent called Preparing for Christmas is also phenomenal.
If you have a teenager, I highly recommend any resources from YM360, particularly God with Us: A 25-Day Christmas and Advent Devotional. It has bonus family devos for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day!
I was bummed to see the kids table conversation cards from She Reads Truth were sold out, but they do have a lovely scripture calendar for Advent that I am looking at!
If you have a favorite Advent reading or devotional, drop that along with your treasures!
🦄 Okay so LISTEN last week when I was feeling iffy about democracy I took a trip to see my friend Target. What I desired was a comfort robe. I mean a robe that made me feel like a benevolent teddy bear was embracing me. And LO! This Stars Above robe is my new best friend, we’re pretty inseparable, and I think it’s getting serious. I also snagged these house shoes, which are wonderful (benevolent small bears hugging my feet). Highly suggest for all your sussy needs.
🇺🇸 In a very 2020 fashion, we had to agonize and wait a few days last week to find out who won the presidential election. In the midst of the stress, the internet produced some truly amazing content. These tweets about Four Seasons Total Landscaping had me rolling!
🏒 Thank you all for taking care of me this week via Gritty memes. Who knew a hockey mascot could inspire such joy? Here’s a terrific collection of memes to put a smile on your face today. Also, many of you alerted me to this perfect Gritty explainer video, which is in French, and is an absolute chef’s kiss. Please enjoy:
😂 I am here for this perfect marriage of Schitt’s Creek + Zac Efron.
🐶 Here is yet another adorable video featuring puppies and small children.
And now……for this week’s Twitter Hall of Fame:
Thanks for letting me poop on the parade today. I am geniunely looking forward to reading your treasures this week. We’re gonna be okay. I just know it.
Normally, I say something here about if you love The Swipe Up, please share The Swipe Up. This may not be the best week to share, but if you’re feeling it, go for it.
Okay so maybe it's my 8 energy. (yeah I own it, esp now)
But I don't think we should have to apologize for Feeling the Sads. It's a color of the emotional spectrum and we can't all shine at that same color all the time. Sometimes we have this misty blue days that hover with gray, sometimes we have those raging red days flecked with firey orange, sometimes we shine a luscious shade of yellow.
I mean look at this year. This month.
Look at what we are day-to-day going through.
Look at the past 4 years and how we are basically all recovering from an emotionally abusive relationship.
It's a whole ding dang thing.
And maybe I say all that because I kind of lost my shizz on someone this week who told me I need to "Fake it Until I Make It" with emotions and everything.
And I gave that a big ol NOPE.
And I also asked that person if they have been telling their MALE colleagues that.
Do they tell the other bro'skis in the office to apply that philosophy when they answer something without a smile or pumped attitude. When they present straight facts and aren't putting a fancy bow on the crapcake...are they told "Well you know, you gotta just fake it until you make it"
Like gettttttt oout of here with that.
Now yes.
I also feel there is that fine line between feeling the things and being toxic. But why does it feel women seem to have to carry the sunshine and throw around handfuls of glitter for everyone? Like come on now. I don't need this added to my list of things I must manage on the daily. At least masks keep us from being told to Smile more by random strangers.
OOOF that came OUT of me way too easily. Therapy indeed.
So, I don't have my typical treasure list.
Just kind of an observation on things as this is my last swiper sesh as a 43 year old.
My birthday is Weds (middle of the week birthday, ack, like the worst) -- and I am firmly now, middle aged. MIDDLE AGED! AAAH.
And my lovely sister pointed out a crazy thing to me this week.
She found some pictures and was looking through them and realized with the joy that is basic math that my mom was MY AGE NOW at my wedding. I got married at 24, my mom was 43 in the photos with me. This sent in a spiral of finding all my wedding pictures with her in them and looking at them. THEN it sent me on another spiral of my college graduation pictures where I was (let's do math) 22 and she was 41. And yeah I went IN on these photos. My husband also was in this photo spiral realizing that these major life events my mom was younger than I am presently or my age.
And then it became a phone call with Stacey.
"Stace, do we look how we thought 40s looked in our head growing up?"
And it became a laugh until we were teary convo also about why we didn't get the White Hair on Our Face club membership cards and how we indeed look better and seem better than what we thought our 40s were sold to us as for the following reasons.
1. We drink water more now than ever -- we had to really opine this and wonder when the simple act of water became a thing. Like yes, we know we have heard about all the evidence. But we laughed thinking of how OUR kids have had their own special water bottles that we label and always fill up so many times and how we pack all the beverages to ensure our children don't up and die from dehydration going to the dang park and she's all "hey, remember when we basically drank from random hoses in the neighborhood like if we were thirsty ONE moment of the day when running around?"
2. SPF is a thing not just for the beach! -- This also brought on laughter. Stacey commenting "I think my mom had one bottle of Coppertone SPF 8 that lasted for like 3 summers" I think about how I cannot recall wearing intentional daily sunscreen as a child. MAYBE when we were on vacation or specifically at the beach - but on a random day when I was running outside from sun up to sun down? EHHH. When I worked at a summer camp did I have it for myself? EHHH. So the fact that we did indeed learn sometime in our 20s like it was a thing to wear. That says something.
3. Self care and relaxing, we have to do these things! -- We thought about the work of our mothers. My mom at one point in my life had 3 jobs at once. THREE. For a large swath of her life she worked 2 jobs pretty much as a thing. She never worked an office job. She worked on her feet jobs. She worked offshift jobs. Her sleep sometimes was a whole issue of when she got it and how she got it and still parented. Stace and I realized we don't have that to the same degree. Sure there was a time when I did work 2 jobs here and there in my 20s but I picked second jobs that were "fun" -- like the one that led me to 'meet' Prince. But that is a story for another day (lol). We do value and schedule our self care, we know sleep hygiene is a THING. We have rituals of care. We fill our cups.
4. We are living our truth. But truly it feels like women really being their true self and doing things (eating, treatments, exercise, etc) that bring them joy -- it is seen. If we want cool haircuts, we get them, if we want a power lip, we wear it. Or at least I hope we do this for ourselves in one degree or another.
So with all this.
I hope you all find moments that are blue, red, yellow and all the other colors.
Be well, be kind, be you....
Mel
My whole body cried over the ballerina with Alzheimer’s. Oh my word. I cry at the ballet anyway, but that ENDED ME.
Thank you for being honest about your Sads and for putting words to feelings. Hope deferred is definitely the mood. I will be mulling over that today.
It’s been the roughest week I’ve had in a while and all just grad school related. Final projects for me, and SO MANY PAPERS for the boy. He withdraws in stress and I need more of him when I’m stressed and that just doesn’t work. This is the first we’ve been through this type of stress *at the same time* (usually it alternates) but I’ve been able to 1) figure out what it is I need and 2) communicate it with only a slight bit of crazy and 3) hold off on the “how am I doing? Am I being a good Girlfriend? What do you need from me when you’re stressed like this?” talk whilst we’re smack dab in the middle of it still.
The treasure in this turd however is that my project is turned in save for a reflection paper, and his first set of 15-20 pages of separate papers is done and tonight we have Mandalorian to look forward to.
And s’mores sandwiches which I’ve stolen from a video on the internet somewhere - just nutella and marshmallow fluff on bread and grilled till melty and messy.
Only 2 class meetings, and 3 assignments till I’m down another semester and one step closer to freedom!
Y’all I love you. I’m looking forward to visiting with you today! 💛