💬 Friendly Interrogations: Q+A Time!

What if me + my partner are not on the same page spiritually, what are we reading, + is SAHM-ing the cure for burning out at work?

It’s Q+A week here at The Swipe Up+, which means it’s a grab bag of the random things you’re trying to figure out, plus linky-links for your recommendations. Also known as, my favorite type of email. Sure, we all love a good long essay about Christian nationalism, but who doesn’t get excited about some clickable content?

This week, we’re talking about the following:

• advice for couples where partners are at different points in their faith journey?

• is becoming a stay-at-home mom the answer to being burnt out at work?

• what books are we reading right now?

And of course, the comments will be filled with the wisdom of all the other Lil Swipes, so don’t forget to check that out and add your own if you’ve got thoughts to share!

Question: Any advice for couples where spouses are at different points in their faith journey?

Two people who probably left this engagement photo shoot to read Desiring God or something. What I’m saying is: a lot has changed.

Answer: This is tricky and while I can’t speak to anyone’s individual experience, I can speak to my own. Ben and I definitely do not agree on everything (I mean, who does?), and in fact, I’d say we disagree on a couple of fairly high-up secondary issues, theologically speaking. Ben is (bone-crushingly) logical, I can be logical about some things, but faith is usually not one of those things, and definitely not as much as he’s going to be. Reason and rationality are always going to win the day for Ben Moon, whereas I’m more “in conclusion, no one knows, but isn’t it fun to think about all the ways and avenues and history and perspectives?”

Ben’s energy around my energy.

So when Ben and I get stuck in a loop of disagreement, we rely on a couple of touchpoints that remind us we’re still on the same team. I don’t know that we’ve gone as far as to articulate these, but I think they kind of hover on the periphery.

• What do we agree on? Usually, it’s way more than what we disagree on. Reminding ourselves where our Venn diagram overlaps is helpful when we’re faced off over some tertiary spiritual thing that isn’t really life or death at all.

• Trusting each other. I think depending on where you’re at spiritually, this may mean trusting Holy Spirit in each other, or it may simply mean trusting each other. Trusting the work the other one has done. Trusting that in the same way you’ve prayed and wrestled and pondered and considered, your partner has as well. Your journey is not their journey and it’s definitely not over or stagnant. Trust that there is always forward motion happening, there are always new things to discover, that God is working with you both to uncover new aspects of faith together and individually.

• A posture of mutual respect. Where Ben and I differ, I always go back to his character. This is a loving person who wants to genuinely follow God. You can insert your own descriptors for your own partner (or friend or parent), but I lean on the kind of person he is, not his list of theological yeses and nos. I don’t want to be reduced to that, and I assume no one else does either.

• Acknowledging the season. This feels so Christianese, but sometimes Ben and I are super on the same page about something, and then sometimes we’re yelling at each other from across the gaping chasm. It’s not always forever, and things that seemed ready to divide us in one season just aren’t as big of a deal later in the year.