Friends! We have made it to another Friday in whatever this is that is happening. A few of the questions from Instagram this week were basically: hey are you okay? You seem not okay.
Is anyone okay right now? I’m seriously asking. Is anyone thriving? I remember when I had the second child, one of my wiser friends reminded me (as I was in the middle of having a complete and total breakdown) that everyone should get an extra dose of grace. I’ve tried to bring that extra dose of grace energy into my everyday interactions, but I’ll be real and say it’s getting harder and harder to do that. I read a stat yesterday that more Americans have died of COVID than in World War I and Vietnam combined and we still have people out here who deny or act like it’s not a big deal. I cannot wrap my brain around it, and while I’d much rather ignore all that makes me feel: I can not longer pretend I’m not extremely angry. I know it’s beginning to get trite to talk about how hard all of this is, but all I can do is just keep reminding you that this is hard. It is hard to be single right now. It is hard to be newly married right now. It is hard to be not-newly married. It is hard to have roommates. It is hard to have a job right now. It is hard to be unemployed right now. It is hard to have a family right now. It is hard to have friends right now. It is hard to raise children right now. It is hard to be a bonus mom or dad, aunt or uncle, or special adult. It is hard to have church right now. It is hard to be the Church right now. It is hard to sleep right now. It is hard to create right now. It is hard to pray right now. It is hard to grieve right now. It is hard to love right now. It is hard to be a person right now. IT IS HARD.
I keep going back to very basic things as I traverse How To Be a Person During a Global Pandemic That Some People Are Pretending Isn’t Real, While Also Experiencing a Constitutional Crisis. These aren’t ground-breaking, and they certainly aren’t new by any stretch of the imagination, but sometimes I need to be reminded of simple things, because…well, maybe we’ve met but I am sometimes dramatic and over-complicate life.
Say words with my out loud voice. My friend Kendra just explained this concept to me, and honestly it’s been extremely life-changing. And then Emily Freeman made a whole episode on it, which was just beyond helpful as she told me how to live my life with her voice like a warm buttered biscuit. The idea is just to talk out loud everything you’re experiencing. This is normally not The Way for me. I would like to have my panic attacks in the privacy of my own mind, thank you so much. But clarity is important and if people don’t know I’m Not Well™️, what will change? Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m feeling until I say it (or write it), so this practice has been therapeutic and helped me to pay attention to what the heck I’m feeling, even when I’m not totally sure.
Take a stupid walk. We moved offices and sometimes during lunch, I’ll take a walk and while it is so dumb that a walk in the fresh air will do what a brownie cannot, I admit that it does help.
Put the phone down. I have tried my darnedest to stop looking at social right now. Mainly because people I love are making dumb decisions and it just puts me back in the Sads, or people I don’t know are riling me up, and how can I change that? They will not change, therefore, I will change the thing I’m in charge of (me). In fact, I spent more time this week scrolling back through the comments of last week’s newsletter than I did on social. I truly love this place and the people and the way you care for each other. It is my preferred internet always.
Stop being so hard on myself. SOMEONE needs to be punished for how this year is shaping up, and the easiest person to be the whipping boy is me. Why can’t I keep up with journaling? Why can’t I be responsible and ignore the giant jar of praline pecans at Cost-Co? Why I can’t I be a better parent? A better partner? A better friend? A better person? Well, guess what, buttercup? No one is out here landing a perfect 10 as the Kerri Strug of 2020. Dig into the pralines and cut yourself some slack. Better yet, eat the pralines while you go on a stupid walk.
Sit in silence. I will literally do anything for a few minutes alone. Fold laundry. Clean out the closet. Lock a door. Go fill up my car with gas. I should tell you that I pray in these moments, but often I just enjoy the quiet or cry in a totally healthy way (wink).
Do something nice for someone else. There’s a time to mope and a time to quit yer moping and stop looking at your own belly button and help where you can. (EccelesErin 3:1) Jump back into the We Got You Club, ask a friend or family member what you can do to make their lives easier, send a card, donate some money to a great cause (there’s one below if you need help getting started), check with your church to see if you can lend a hand in some way.
The answer is: no, I’m not okay, but that’s okay. Maybe you feel the same way, and maybe we can be Not Okay Together.
It’s a Q + A week, so let’s jump in shall we?
Q: If you had to pick a favorite British royal, who would it be and why? — @samtarr
A: I really love the Queen Mother. If I have any quibble with The Crown, it’s that they’ve not portrayed her well at all. She was really cool, v chill. Liked shaking hands with dogs. Would chat up anyone, regardless of rank. Hitler said she was “the most dangerous woman in Europe.” Very funny lady. She was a big-time fisherwoman, and once had to be rushed to the hospital because a fishbone got stuck in her throat. When they removed it, she was reported to have said, “The salmon have their own back.” That’s just a good joke, and I have a lot of respect for it.
Q: My birthday gift will be a pumpkin patch-style, all-I-can-carry haul at Target. Ideas? — @katienj3412
A: First of all, this visual made me laugh out loud. I continue to love this robe and these slippers, although I will admit this looks extremely tempting.
Q: I think I need an adult tempter tantrum/come apart. Tips on how to do it safely? — @karisa_erns
A: I think this is actually a brilliant idea. Off the top of my head, I’m imagining a solo drive while blasting something angry and loud. Perhaps you can find a friend with a punching bag and just go to town on it. Never underestimate the power of screaming curse words, or really just screaming into the void. If voids are hard to come by, I recommend a pillow in a closet. Can you throw an axe at something satisfying? What about hitting the ground with a bat? Write or type out the horrific and angry things running through your head and then burn or delete the evidence. I think we could all do with a nice, fat temper tantrum. May yours be productive and cleansing.
Q: How can I care for my friend who just had a baby when I can’t go in her house? — @superpugh
A: Drop food off on her porch. Make her a fun “new mom” kit with bath salts and candles and fun, comfy things. Text her with no expectations on hearing back. Ask her if you can run to the grocery store for her. Have a Netflix party with the Chrome extension. Send her hilarious memes. Again, I really have a soft spot for Gritty memes, but I understand if that doesn’t work in this particular scenario.
Treasures? Treasures!
When Olive & June announced they were creating a pedi kit, I freaked the freak out. When they kindly sent me my own and I used it, I continued to freak the freak out. It is incredible and I have already ordered some for Christmas gifts. Guys, the amount of stuff that came off my heels would sicken and delight you. They’ve taken everything hard about giving yourself a pedicure (my quarantummy won’t let me fully GET to my foot [the POSEY!], cuticles are nasty [cuticle remover!], feet are inherently hard to maintain [the foot serum!] and completely changed the game. You know I love me some O&J, so if you want to purchase anything from them, I have a $10 off code right here. It’s really brought me a lot of joy.
🕯️I forgot to mention an excellent family Advent resource last week, so if you’re looking for a great guide that caters to families, The Little Way Family Advent Guide is a great place to start!
📖 Former President Barack Obama’s book “A Promised Land” came out this week! This recent article from The Atlantic showcases Obama’s thoughts on writing the book and gives readers a sense of hope for the future of our country WHICH I COULD USE RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
👨👩👧👦 DL Mayfield tweeted this week about a church in Vancouver, BC that is raising money to reunite a Syrian refugee family with the rest of their family after they have been separated from them in a refugee camp for over 8 years. You can donate here!
❤️ Did you know that November is Native American heritage month? As we enter into the week of Thanksgiving, let this helpful article from journalist Simon Moya Smith, who is a native of the Oglala Lakota tribe, be a guide for not only being thankful for and celebrating Native American heritage but also learning some valuable information about ways to communicate respectfully.
🍬 Watching taffy being made is very therapeutic for me. Maybe it’s the wonder, maybe it reminds me of standing wide-eyed in front of a candy store in Gatlinburg gazing at the work of the taffy gods. Either way, this video of Hammond’s Candies making taffy has me mesmerized.
This story of single motherhood has so many gems (lil language warning), but my favorite is: “You don’t ready someone to travel into a famine zone by starving them, so I have prepared my child for an ugly world by fattening her with love, like a foie gras goose.”
This video. Tears.
Twitter Hall of Fame this week….
This terrific display of persistence and teamwork (read the whole thread):
Alright pals. Huddle up. Lay those good treasures on us. We need them now more than ever. Can’t wait to see what you’ve got up your sleeve. Happy Friday!
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I don't know how to read a twitter thread and that makes me sad.
First time commenter here. Hope this wasn’t posted already, but this delight (in small doses) has been my laugh track this week. See links in the description to jump to your favorite song & I’m not offended if you absolutely hate it! 😂
Hamilton, but it’s Muppets: https://youtu.be/zZzDP-vQXao