Man - I am a few days late here and I wish I could have been a part of all the hubbub!
I have loved reading how everyone is finding hope in this new year. I agree with Erin, I don't think it will magically fix everything now that the calendar no longer says 2020, but I need A TINY MORSEL OF HOPE FOR ONCE K THANKS.
I told my husband the other night that I just need something to be excited about this year. I have dreams of a podcast that I just have always felt ill-equipped to do and do well, but this is the year I have to do it. I spent 2020 being so miserable because EVERYTHING THAT BRINGS ME HOPE AND JOY IS NOT PANDEMIC FRIENDLY. I got married in September of 2020, y'all. I wasn't even excited about that. It was so stressful and went from a guest list of 175 to 26. It was way too expensive for such a small wedding and I just wish it could have been different. I miss being hopeful and excited for things! So today I have spent two hours planning out what I want the podcast to do and how I want to love others well through it. I feel like I have this exciting new project. This is new territory for me - I don't have projects that I work on! I am not usually a creative person! But I think I need this, this year.
That's exciting, Shelby! I'm glad you have something to look forward to this year and think it's so kind of you to create this for the people in your life so that you can love them through it. Keep us updated!
I feel you 100% on being excited about something. You need it and I will eagerly anticipate your podcast launching and I am cheering so hard that you did the marriage thing in covid-life and hope that there's one day a party where those 175 people who were meant to be invited can also cheer.
Erin: 2021 Spreadsheet request. Little swipes directory? Where we could share what contact info we are willing to make public and then it can lead to further communication?
I’m so late to the party this weekend! But I have loved catching up with all of your fantastic news!
So we’ve been in London a few weeks now. We have resident cards in hand. Now we are starting the application process for France. I don’t know if y’all have heard about the mutant virus but it’s craaazzzy so now we’re locked down on an island. Also there’s Brexit. It’s fine. We’re fine. Everything is fine. Buuuut by some miracle we got an appointment for our visas!!!! We will see if they are approved because technically they aren’t giving any out except emergencies.... so who on earth knows!!
I’m just taking it in. Giving grace to myself and my family. I’m stopping to treasure a few things too. We are in London after all!
-Taking those daily stupid walks™️
-I’m leaning into afternoon tea time with some sort of scone or dark covered digestif (it’s a cookie but I feel healthier because it’s not called a cookie). I’m digging it.
-Zelda: Links Awakening is maddeningly addictive. Trying to get it finished before we start school again but I don’t want it to end!
-vitamin D and some quality fish oil is keeping me out of the SADs.
Glad to hear you’re getting settled in the midst of *all of this* and are leaning into little joys like tea time. McVittie’s chocolate digestives are amazing and have been a favourite of mine since a British prof brought them to class back in the 90’s. Pour a nice cuppa and enjoy!
And part of me asks, "so what?" because I'm oddly feel like the turn of the calendar means nothing. And actually, I haven't gotten a calendar yet, so I'm using the tiny square in the bottom of my old December page to know at least what number day it is.
The highlight of the last few weeks was heading to Dollywood right after Christmas, which we mistakenly assumed would be pretty chill. It was not chill. It was, as a waiter said, "hell week" and the busiest of the year. So, that was fun.
On our way between Atlanta and Pigeon Forge, with giddy children in the van, and caravanning with friends, we got a text from another friend--who had recovered from 'rona a few months ago, so we assumed they were safe to hang out with 7 days earlier--saying they just started feeling bad and tested positive, so we should quarantine or test. Since we were about to vacation, we Immediately went to Google to search for testing sites in the middle of nowhere North Carolina, that were open, and offered rapid testing.
Within a few minutes, we found a place right off the highway, on the way, that was open, and that offered rapid testing. I waited in the van with 4 kids, while my husband checked it out and filled out paperwork. As he handled the clipboards he overheard the doctor tell the receptionist, "after this patient, we can't take anybody else unless it's a sick baby." It added 2 hours and $300 to our trip, but we were negative, so we continued our plans to vacation. Grace upon grace.
After all that, Dollywood was closed due to icy roads. Our plans were changed, but our kids got to play in the snow, swim at the hotel pool, and eat junk food. The park was opened on our return home day, so it was a long day, but fun and it was good to leave the house and also good to sleep in our own beds again.
We still feel fine after a week.
It's been good to not be doing school. Homeschool is not for the faint of heart, and my heart was getting faint. I'm almost ready to open my planner again on Monday and figure out what the H we're doing for this semester. But bless Baby Jesus, the toddler and 3 year old will both be going to preschool this spring, and the big kids and I might just play games the first morning just to celebrate. The toddler will hate it, but she'll be OK after about a month. Sigh.
Something in me feels like because 2020 has not been dramatically hard for us as a family (we have had our own terrible years full of personal loss and tragedy, so this has been inconvenient and hard but not awful) that 2021 is going to be worse. I'm not sure why that is, or if I'm just having a weird sense of survivor's guilt. Either way, 2021 is coming and I do need a calendar.
Any suggestions for a good wall calendar for the kitchen pantry door? I have no preferences, but I do like big squares for all the things I hope we may be doing by the time September rolls around.
Yesterday I ended up on the couch feeling like my body was fighting off a stomach bug of some sort, so I'm late to the comments party, but feeling much better. December ended up being a lot, so I was not able to delve into comments much. How I missed it, and what a luxurious treat it's been to scroll through today!
Here is my list of treasures:
*You guys...I quarantined for two weeks to go home to my family in Ohio for Christmas. I drove up Wednesday the 23rd. About noon on Christmas Eve it began snowing and did not stop until midnight. WE HAD A WHITE CHRISTMAS! The local news station said in 143 years, we've only had about 19 white christmases, and this one was a record breaker. Five to eight inches in my parents' area.
*Going for a stupid walk on Christmas Eve with snow pouring down hard. Getting pictures of the outside decorations and listening to the stunning silence that takes place when it is actively snowing at night.
*I put the blanket hoodie Erin told us about on my Amazon wishlist and received it. The. Lord. Provides. I'm gonna marry that thing.
*I have two orchids, one of which is about to bloom for the first time, and the other is blooming for a second time this year! I have killed so many orchids, so this truly feels miraculous and is giving me life!
*DM'ing with Jillian while watching The Mandalorian. It's so much fun to enjoy with someone else!
*As with so many others, I received a knitted gem from our Mel. It was waiting for me when I returned home from my parents' and is a gorgeous, beachy colored scarf.
*Dana's IG stories. Lort. I have a friend working full time in a covid unit (she's been pulled there from her normal PT duties) and I send her memes every day she works. Dana's stories are rife with goodness for laughter.
I got some for myself when we had our first cold snap here in Raleigh. They are heaven, and I bought my best friend a pair for Christmas, to warm her as she braves the Ohio winter.
*I'm now quarantining again since I have come back from travel. Last night, OSU and Clemson played, and a friend watched the game with me from her house. It was so fun to get to feel connected while watching!
*One of my corona fam stayed at my house while I was out of town. She is a chef and cooks up a storm when she is in her happy place. I came back to several really delicious (and healthful) meals waiting for me. It was just the sweetest thing to experience after travel, particularly headed into New Year's Eve the next day.
SO thankful for this community. I talk about you guys (and the Popcast/Bible Binge) as if everyone should know who you are, because you are now such a part of my normal, real life.
Thank you for keeping me company on IG even though I don't post much. Thanks for encouraging each other, being honest, and holding space.
Mel and I were chatting today and she said something I think is the magic sauce of this group. She mentioned when one person is honest about something they experience, three to five (or more!) other women will see and share they have experienced the same/similar. I truly think that's the magic: knowing we are not alone. That's what has happened here, and it has been gold.
To 2021 Lil Swipes (clinks champagne glass or coffee mug)! To more engagements, bébés, getting through things together and being real.
Oh my gosh, seeing my name in this post! Daniiieeeeelllllllleeeeee
I love so much of this post.
I am so so so grateful for this group because I met you!!!! You have been such a magical addition to my life and I am so blessed to know I can walk through my life and you're in my orbit now. I have a Danielle in my world. A super kind and lovely and true hearted woman who is just....GOOD. You are such a beautiful human. Thank you for being you.
A treasure trove of goodness, Danielle! So glad you are feeling better & can be back here to share with us. ☺️💗 Also yes to all of the Swipes & the PMG being a part of my normal life. I’ve definitely stopped having to preface anything Popcast-related with my husband. He even asks on Fridays, “how’s your newsletter?” 😄
loneliness during this pandemic is definitely a thing! We moved in June and while I do know a few people in our new city, getting to be apart of their everyday full lives has been hard since we can't really meet in person much. One thing I'm trying to do is to connect to other friends that are far away and I miss (this is just the price of being a military wife for 30 years!) I either text or send a DM on their birthdays instead of just posting "Happy birthday" on their facebook wall. Most lead into a real conversation. It's not perfect, but helps with the loneliness.
Hampton Roads area of Virginia - just north of Va Beach on the peninsula. We were here in the early 2000's so at least I (sort of) remember my way around.
I'm late to the party, but here none the less! Happy New Year, I only joined recently so I'm looking forward to getting to know you all more in the new year.
Christmas was lovely, I house sat for a swanky friend and made myself cinnamon rolls, breakfast casserole, and dinner charcuterie boards for days. It was a blessing to be able to see all my family on zoom without having to navigate splitting time btwn parents and my dad's new wife ( met, engaged, married all in 2020).
I'm struggling with loneliness and would appreciate your prayers for building and developing friendships. The hardest part has been that my work ladies all retired and I haven't really made new friends. I also moved out of a house with a family, which was the right thing for both of us, and now live with a 26 yo women with down syndrome. There are a lot of sweet things about living with her, but she's not one for deep conversation and it's a lot more like talking to my students than a friend.
I feel like I'm just rambling now, but the last week at home together has just felt like such a struggle and not the restful break I thought I would have and I feel terrible for even thinking that.
Welcome Eliza! You have come to the right place! I know have known the struggle of loneliness and I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. I’ll be praying for you 💗
With all the struggles, it seems like you're finding all the good, too - the zoom calls, the charcuterie boards, etc. :) That's what I keep trying to do myself.
Welcome to the comments, Eliza. We're glad you're here. Loneliness has been a common struggle for many in here, so it will not be a stretch to remember to pray!
Wow friends, today got away from me, but I am glad for a quiet yet non-stop day. Biggest treasures are racing one of my BFFs to finish Clone Wars (i’m winning right now), facetiming with Megs and Avery on Christmas, texting and DMing with many more swipes (Erin S, Mel, Lily, Dana, SARAH P), and like many of you have mentioned, LIL SWIPES CAMP BE NEAR, and the Ratatouille Musical staging on todaytix.com. You too can watch till 1/3 7pm ET for a $5+ donation. Highly recommend, was easily the best way to start my year. I’ll be posting Tiktoks tomorrow for everybody because this week was not quiet chez moi 😂😂
GIRL! Thank you for twisting my arm and being the best form of peer pressure to get onto Marco Polo. That made my day yesterday. You are such a lightbringer for me and have helped make 2020 far better. You are a person that inspires me, makes me laugh, and brings joy so easily. I am so better for knowing you. "WHO'S JILLIAN??!!" An awesome amazing woman I am so so so blessed to know.
I may need to watch this musical, I cannot imagine the hilarity it could bring. ;)
Happy 2021...2020 don’t let the door hit you on the way out. 🚪
A few treasures for the past two weeks:
* I received a beautiful scarf from our precious Mel and I love it! 🥰
* I’ve had two weeks off from work and haven’t had to travel anywhere for the holidays, and it has been GLORIOUS.
* I’ve been practicing at artsy fartsy hand-lettering, and it has been so satisfying to do something creative.
* And I have to concur with everyone else in saying that this warm, witty, wise community has been such a gift to me this year. Much love to you all!❤️
Awwww so glad you like your little scarf! It's a punch of color that everyone needs right now. A little bit of softness in a hard world. I have been the same way, 2 weeks off and no where to go. Monday is going to be TOUGH.
OOOh s jealous of anyone who does hand-lettering. Mine would be the 'nailed it' version lol.
Erin - You are a treasure. I thank you for your humor, grace, and generosity in sharing about your life, loves and opinions. I look forward to receiving your newsletters every time they land in my mailbox. Cheers to the end of 2020 and a more hopeful new year.
I finished 2020 as hopeful as an idealistic romantic enneagram four can be - dreaming of days spend on my paddle board exploring rivers, daring to believe that I’ll be pregnant sometime 2021, and playing video games while my husband drove a boat on Sydney Harbour for the fireworks (he has a very cool job).
I’m glad to leave the year that was behind. Can I share a little more on the paddle board situation? And the baby one?
(I’m imagining you’re nodding here while you hold a cup of coffee and smile at me, so I’ll continue.)
I decided to try stand up paddle boarding in about August and it’s been a freaking lifeline for me. It’s a long story, but when I was a kid I loved being on the water, but when my hips got too wide for my little lime green kayak my father declared I needed to lose weight if I wanted to do it again. (Spoiler alert: I did not lose weight.) This year, being close to the water again after years of being close to the city where all pretty water locations are swarming with tourists, I was hit by the intense longing to be out there again.
Friends, it saved my 2020. The turdburger of infertility, covid and bushfires is not okay but there was some solace out on the water and if it’s a thing you want to try, do it please. Also Red Paddle Co are publishing a bit of my story so I’m basically a sports writer now. The least sporty one you’ll ever meet.
Onto the baby thing.
This is going to sound charismatic in the biggest way and my conservative evangelically trained self feels the need to say that I do not often experience these whispers of God, and I remain nervous that my desires caused it to be imagined. But.
Before the issues with my husband’s fertility and the slew of tests to work it out (still not done), I was at Colour Conference. The one and only one that went ahead in person. I remember looking around and seeing people with their babies and smiling and dreaming of that being me. In a moment of prayer I felt God say “next time you stand here, you’ll have a child of your own.”
Now, come June this year I decided that I had been imagining things. Colour Conference is in March and no baby, no truth to the whisper. Then, friends, Colour went online for 2021. I cancelled my ticket because no more online please. I want to be in the room where it happens or not at all thanks.
And now I’m wondering if that whisper is true and that God is doing his thing and that’s a lot of hope in one heart and honestly I’m ready for it to be shattered because that’s how the last year has been - but we dare to hope anyways.
OKAY.
Enough of me.
Sorry about that essay.
Here’s my internet treasure of the week - a little blog from Jamie Tworkowski who founded To Write Love On Her Arms (if you know, you know) that made me smile much yesterday.
If you made it this far, I applaud you, internet friend. Please join my rambles, overshares and rescue kittens over on Instagram at Tamara.Robson . I need more friends to laugh and cry with.
Tamara: First off, you are an instagram delight. I love you.
Secondly, thank you for always being you. Authentic, true, real, YOU.
Thirdly, I know 2021 is going to be such a year for you. I have a feeling. I have so many feelings. You are a force and that will be met with good things. It has to.
Just thank you sister from the other side of the world.
I love seeing your tomorrows today in my feed :)
Mel
ps I get TWLOHA emails and did a virtual run with them last year!
This is 100% an overshare, but when I was a teenager I was way in deep on self-harm and when I read the TWLOHA story it was the first time I felt hope that it wouldn't be in my future always. I have 'love' tattooed on the wrist I used to self-harm on. I mean, currently it has some damage from rogue kittens paws, but for the last ten years or so it's been free of self-inflicted wounds.
Tamara, I was totally grinning at the moment you wrote you imagine us nodding and smiling with a cup of coffee.
Thank you for sharing vulnerably here. I'm praying for your fertility journey. I get that - the whispers you hear that you then question you heard...but what if? So. Here's hoping and praying that yes, you heard, and yes, there will be a babe.
Tamara, that was beautiful 💜 Thank you for sharing those stories with us. Always happy to figuratively hold a cup of coffee and listen. I'll be chewing on "we dare to hope anyways" for awhile. Together in hope.
Tamara, what an amazing story that clearly isn’t finished, yet! I’ll be praying in agreement with you for a bebe. I’ve also only heard God speak to me just a few times and each time I was like, God, is that you, or was that my indigestion? This year I’m going to be more intentional about trying to listen for God’s messages 💗
I studied at a super conservative theological college, but my first ever Christian book was Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz, so I’ve always had a clash between emotional engagement with God and a firmly intellectual faith that was taught at college.
I want to listen better, too. He does speak. But, man, it’s hard to get the “he only speaks in Scripture pages” out of my head.
I’m half way through Enter Wild by Carlos Whittaker. That’s helping a bit.
First time poster, long time reader and pray-er, and advice-taker and admirer of all of you. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being a balm this past year. Your funny stories, unabashed requests, thoughtful ideas, and most of all, your words, have helped me get through a lot of difficulties. And I wanted to say thank you for this community. One that allows everyone to be as they are, and welcomes everyone with open arms, a few snarky and hilarious gifs, and kindness above all.
Also, I just have to say. My children (4, 2, 1) have woken up at an average time of 5:30 this past year. This morning they slept in until 6:20 so. THE SPELL IS BROKEN. ASLAN IS ONE THE MOVE.
January 1 is always a tough day for my family as it's the anniversary of my Grandpa's death. I'm really good at turtling in on my feelings (you know, where you ghost everyone you know and love and IGNORE ALL THE THINGS) but this year I woke up to 5 inches of snow (in OKC wutttt) and my toddlers jumping on top of me and somehow it felt like a breath of fresh air. I think this is the first time I'm not going to accidentally write the wrong year until July. We VERY MUCH KNOW it's 2021.
Honestly y'all, I've been a creeper here for a while but please know this community means so much to me. When I posted about our family going to Mayo with our 2 year old you showed up; when I posted about it in the We've Got You Club you showered us with prayers and emails of encouragement. I wouldn't have made it through the clustercuss of this year without you all.
I've never found the new year that exciting but this year feels different. I finally started a food blog/insta (@andkaylacooked if you want to follow along! lots of dad jokes if that's your thing ;), we're getting genetics results soon from Mayo for our guy, and I'm PUMPED to start Bri's masterclass. I'm determined to carry the things I've learned about myself forward with grace and probably some dark chocolate, but maybe less cheap Aldi wine. (Y'all. Why do I do this to myself. THE HEADACHES.)
I thought I was going to have to give up wine last year (oh, the heartburn), but a friend of mine said to try just international women's. Anywhere but the US and they usually don't have sulfates (which is what causes the headaches/heartburn). So far, that has been a winner! Even cheap Italian/Australian/Argentinian wine. Worth a try anyway. 😊
Honestly, I was like "oh international women's wines? okay there must be some sort of group that supports women wine makers" hahahaha. I was here for it!
Happy New Year! Glad to put 2020 in the rear view. I have learned so much this year about slowing down and being present. I worry I haven’t quite learned enough, but am looking forward to more personal growth (I think... it’s hard).
Something about this new year makes me feel bold in asking this tiny corner of the internet, filled with strangers that are also somehow friends, to weigh in on the biggest worry on my brain for 2021. So here goes. Thanks ahead of time if you decide to read on!
I'm having a baby! And I'm psyched! She's not my worry. She's my joy. My worry is as follows: I can't decide on a planned c-section or to try for a Vbac.
My first experience was pretty terrible as births go. 50 hours of labor, followed by 4 hours of pushing, then finally deciding on the c-section only to be told by the anesthesiologist as I was wheeled to the OR, "oh, so you decided to give up?" Guys, that statement broke me. My daughter ended up needing to be in the NICU for five days which did result partially from the above mentioned scenario. She's happy and healthy now and all is good on that front. But I really don't want a repeat of what happened before.
My husband is currently in army training. Well the thing with army training is, you get zero leave, except what is already scheduled/planned, ie four-day weekends and scheduled holidays. Now, they can't deny him his paternity leave. But, they can make it really difficulty on him. He will essentially have to drop out his current cohort and join in the next one. And while he's in the building pattern to join the new one, they are not going to make his life easy. They really don't like them taking leave. In fact, most guys just end up taking their paternity leave when the class is finished. Which I guess is an option, but isn't the point for him to be there for me? Once again, I don't know (this statement will come up a lot through this post... Because I truly don't. I just don't know.)
Paternity leave is 3 weeks, which is awesome! I feel blessed because I know so many people get sooooo much less. Still, C-section recovery is a 6 week minimum. No driving, no lifting, no bending, no bathing. Heck, last time I could barely sit up off the couch without help. Doing all of that this time without my husband, and with the added chaos of a 1 year old...I guess I just don't know if I can do it.
Our nearest family is 12 hours away. And we only moved here mid-November so we don't have any close friends yet. So scheduling a C-section does have a benefit in that sense because obviously we have to have someone here to watch our daughter. And we will know the exact date.
I don't have parents anymore. I lost my dad to congestive heart failure in 2017 and my mom to cancer in 2015. It will likely be my mother in law here helping when the new baby comes. She's great but due to the current state of the world, we haven't really had much time with her over the last year, so of course I'm worried about my 1 and a half year old being alone with her for days at a time when my daughter literally hasn't spent more than 4 hours apart from us in her life. And believe me, this was never our plan. We just obviously can't do date night out or vacations or anything that would separate us from her. And haven't been able to for the vast majority of her life. So, she's never had to experience being away from us.
I feel like I'm choosing between the convenience of a scheduled surgery with a crappy recovery and the risk of repeating what I've done before or potentially having a better experience.
I don't know! Is laboring in the mask as hard as I imagine it?
Anyways, this had floundered into me just listing all the things that are constantly going through my head as I have contemplated what feels like a huge decision I have looming before my due date in March.
I don't really know what I'm looking for. Advice from anyone who has experienced anything like this? Encouragement that I didn't give up? Maybe I just needed to write it all out because getting it from my brain will help me sort through it?
I don't know.
Anyways, thank you for listening! I love this community and it has brought me great joy over this year. Thank you in advance for any comments you may have.
As someone who had am emergency c-section with my first and then I did have a planned c-section for my second but then went into labor 3 weeks before that date (water breaking situation right out of a bad sitcom, i.e., me apologizing to nurses as I leaked 'water' from my body in the exam room and sitting on nearly every towel we owned to drive to the hospital). I want to say go with what will work for your family. I was given a choice when in labor to go through with standard labor or have a c-section again. I chose the C because I was scared over my 1st delivery and even though my doctor wasn't available that night I trusted this group of women at the hospital (listen the OB was wearing comforting art teacher vibe jewelry and amazing clogs).
Bringing a new baby into the world take away a lot of control.
Find whatever decisions you can make now that make you feel more at ease.
Hey Robyn, first sending you love and a big hug for all you went through with the birth of your first babe! My experience was similar.
I remember feeling the same pressure about the VBAC/Csection decision. If it helps this is how I framed it with my midwife: I chose a date for a csection and decided that if my body went into labour before then we would trial labour/VBAC if all was progressing well. So I was leaving both options open (God/the Universe having the final say)... I tried to hold little expectations going into it, there is so much out of our control.
I know your husband’s work situation complicates things, an added layer for sure.
In the end I had the repeat csection and it was a surprisingly beautiful healing experience. Both ways of birthing babies are feats of feminine strength, much love to you on your journey, Mama!
Robyn, I only want to add...where are you living now because maybe another Lil Swipe lives close and can help you out in some way. If you are near Raleigh, NC, I would love to help. If you are near San Diego, CA, I have friends who I could call for you.
Robyn, I have an amazing friend in Buckeye, but that's a solid 3.5 or so hours from you. Hoping other Lil Swipes will know someone nearer to you!
Congrats to you on a new baby, because that is very exciting. I do not have littles of my own, so do not have any advice to give on the birth plan front. That said, the choice for a c-section is NOT weakness at all!! Bringing life into this world in ANY manner chosen is a feat and freaking miracle. Period. Believing you and your husband will come up with the best plan for your family.
Sierra Vista, Arizona. We live on a relatively small military installation and are pretty locked down now. But, if any Lil Swipes are around, I would gladly accept the help! Thank you for thinking of that as I wouldn't have.
Robyn, you fought and labored and are the most perfect mother for your children.
I had an unplanned c-section with my first and also had an absolutely horrible anesthesiologist as well (I think I will be able to see his face in my head forever.) I had 2 successful VBACs afterward, without an epidural because medications + birthing children now terrify me.
It's an incredibly hard decision, and I think having supportive OBs/midwives (or a good therapist if possible) can make the difference. With my second pregnancy (first VBAC), talking through my first labor and delivery with my midwife, who was able to explain the whys and hows, as well as what could be done differently were that to happen again, was so helpful for my mental state. I am a planner and an overthinker, and what really gave me clarity of mind was discussing in detail what had happened and what I would like to happen for my next birth. Having someone check in on how you're feeling about everything fairly frequently also helps, or at least it did for me.
Either way, I hope you know that you didn't ever give up. You fought for your daughter. Your strength, your perseverance, your determination, and your courage brought her into this world. That isn't something to be taken lightly. And you're willing to lay it all on the line to do it again. You are brave and selfless beyond measure. I'm definitely praying for you, please keep us updated!
Thank you! I appreciate you saying this! So much good advice. I don't have a lot of options when it comes to picking the care I'll receive (small town and a military family) but even just having a doctor/therapist/midwife who is willing to listen could make a huge difference. I'm an overthinker as well, but I am way more go with the flow than I am a planner. And maybe that's why this has been so hard for me (Enneagram 9). I have to make a decision and can't simply let it happen and adjust later. I don't know but you've given me a lot of encouragement and things to think about. Thank you for that!
I echo everything Hannah said, and would add a couple of things: that anasthesiologist was an a-hole, and absolutely wrong. I think a scheduled C-section sounds like it would give you the most peace of mind, but that is just my opinion and what I have seen from friends who have debated similar options. In regard to your daughter, it's going to be hard either way for her, but she will be ok. She might struggle with the situation, but eventually she will be ok.
I keep reminding myself what you said about my daughter. I know in my heart that she'll be fine. Even though it likely will be hard, she'll adjust. And, even if she doesn't, we don't really have any other options. But honestly, she will likely be fine. But of course, when the overthinking turns on full blast, it's still there. I just need to remember it in those overthinking moments.
I have a lot of feelings about this but mostly will you give me the address for that anesthesiologist so I can punch them in the kneecaps? I'm gonna pull a Lazy Genius move here and suggest you name what matters to you and your family. That one simple exercise has helped me more than almost any other decision-making rubric, and while it's led to some hard convos, it also brings an enormous amount of clarity. Naming what matters to you in this situation will help you define how you can move forward, instead of swimming in worry and uncertainty (this is my preferred method of swimming). What's the most important thing for you in this and what choices can you make to set that in motion? There's a lot at play here. Be gentle with yourself. I'm echoing Hannah that you can move into the choices before you with support and peace (and a non-jerkstore anesthesiologist).
I'm going to pull out my bullet journal, sit my husband down and do this! Thank you. Also a good reminder that I need to follow lazy genius on the socials.
I’ve never had a baby, so I’m obviously not going to give any advice, but I will pray God will give you direction and peace. Also, if you don’t have it already, go ahead and put the number for Red Cross in your phone in case you need to send a delivery notification to your husband’s command. 877-272-7337
Second, I had a VISCERAL reaction to that comment from the anesthesiologist. Holy CRAP, Robyn. I am so so so sorry. You are a freaking champion for going through all that you did to bring that baby into the world and screw anyone who says otherwise. And the same goes for your upcoming labor and delivery.
I wish I had more advice to offer. All I really have to contribute is what my counselor told me: My older son would be okay. We have to do the things and make decisions that allow space for healing (physically, emotionally, etc.). Your older daughter will respond to the changes and that will be hard of course, AND you need help. You deserve to heal and have help.
Have you considered seeing a therapist who specializes in women’s issues/maternity/postpartum? Just a few times maybe to process your first birth experience and discuss all of these things? I say that because I am a therapist 😂 and I’ve seen a therapist to talk about those very things. Just to throw it out there - I’m sure there are some virtual options.
Praying you can move into all of these decisions and changes with support and peace. 💗
I hadn't actually considered therapy. I've been to therapy for many reasons including processing the deaths of my parents and I guess in my mind I figured this one was "too small" which now that I'm actually saying this out loud (or in writing form) seems totally ridiculous. Thank you for that piece of advice, I will look into it!
Man - I am a few days late here and I wish I could have been a part of all the hubbub!
I have loved reading how everyone is finding hope in this new year. I agree with Erin, I don't think it will magically fix everything now that the calendar no longer says 2020, but I need A TINY MORSEL OF HOPE FOR ONCE K THANKS.
I told my husband the other night that I just need something to be excited about this year. I have dreams of a podcast that I just have always felt ill-equipped to do and do well, but this is the year I have to do it. I spent 2020 being so miserable because EVERYTHING THAT BRINGS ME HOPE AND JOY IS NOT PANDEMIC FRIENDLY. I got married in September of 2020, y'all. I wasn't even excited about that. It was so stressful and went from a guest list of 175 to 26. It was way too expensive for such a small wedding and I just wish it could have been different. I miss being hopeful and excited for things! So today I have spent two hours planning out what I want the podcast to do and how I want to love others well through it. I feel like I have this exciting new project. This is new territory for me - I don't have projects that I work on! I am not usually a creative person! But I think I need this, this year.
Happy to be in this corner of hope with y'all.
That's exciting, Shelby! I'm glad you have something to look forward to this year and think it's so kind of you to create this for the people in your life so that you can love them through it. Keep us updated!
YOU DESERVE YOUR HOPE.
I feel you 100% on being excited about something. You need it and I will eagerly anticipate your podcast launching and I am cheering so hard that you did the marriage thing in covid-life and hope that there's one day a party where those 175 people who were meant to be invited can also cheer.
YOU CAN DOOOOO THIS.
Erin: 2021 Spreadsheet request. Little swipes directory? Where we could share what contact info we are willing to make public and then it can lead to further communication?
I second this motion.
All in favour say 'aye'
All against say 'nay'
...I'm going to assume the ayes have it.
This is giving me childhood Baptist Committee Meeting flashbacks hahaha.
Happy New Year!!!!
I’m so late to the party this weekend! But I have loved catching up with all of your fantastic news!
So we’ve been in London a few weeks now. We have resident cards in hand. Now we are starting the application process for France. I don’t know if y’all have heard about the mutant virus but it’s craaazzzy so now we’re locked down on an island. Also there’s Brexit. It’s fine. We’re fine. Everything is fine. Buuuut by some miracle we got an appointment for our visas!!!! We will see if they are approved because technically they aren’t giving any out except emergencies.... so who on earth knows!!
I’m just taking it in. Giving grace to myself and my family. I’m stopping to treasure a few things too. We are in London after all!
-Taking those daily stupid walks™️
-I’m leaning into afternoon tea time with some sort of scone or dark covered digestif (it’s a cookie but I feel healthier because it’s not called a cookie). I’m digging it.
-Zelda: Links Awakening is maddeningly addictive. Trying to get it finished before we start school again but I don’t want it to end!
-vitamin D and some quality fish oil is keeping me out of the SADs.
God bless you all this new year!!!
Glad to hear you’re getting settled in the midst of *all of this* and are leaning into little joys like tea time. McVittie’s chocolate digestives are amazing and have been a favourite of mine since a British prof brought them to class back in the 90’s. Pour a nice cuppa and enjoy!
We made it!
And part of me asks, "so what?" because I'm oddly feel like the turn of the calendar means nothing. And actually, I haven't gotten a calendar yet, so I'm using the tiny square in the bottom of my old December page to know at least what number day it is.
The highlight of the last few weeks was heading to Dollywood right after Christmas, which we mistakenly assumed would be pretty chill. It was not chill. It was, as a waiter said, "hell week" and the busiest of the year. So, that was fun.
On our way between Atlanta and Pigeon Forge, with giddy children in the van, and caravanning with friends, we got a text from another friend--who had recovered from 'rona a few months ago, so we assumed they were safe to hang out with 7 days earlier--saying they just started feeling bad and tested positive, so we should quarantine or test. Since we were about to vacation, we Immediately went to Google to search for testing sites in the middle of nowhere North Carolina, that were open, and offered rapid testing.
Within a few minutes, we found a place right off the highway, on the way, that was open, and that offered rapid testing. I waited in the van with 4 kids, while my husband checked it out and filled out paperwork. As he handled the clipboards he overheard the doctor tell the receptionist, "after this patient, we can't take anybody else unless it's a sick baby." It added 2 hours and $300 to our trip, but we were negative, so we continued our plans to vacation. Grace upon grace.
After all that, Dollywood was closed due to icy roads. Our plans were changed, but our kids got to play in the snow, swim at the hotel pool, and eat junk food. The park was opened on our return home day, so it was a long day, but fun and it was good to leave the house and also good to sleep in our own beds again.
We still feel fine after a week.
It's been good to not be doing school. Homeschool is not for the faint of heart, and my heart was getting faint. I'm almost ready to open my planner again on Monday and figure out what the H we're doing for this semester. But bless Baby Jesus, the toddler and 3 year old will both be going to preschool this spring, and the big kids and I might just play games the first morning just to celebrate. The toddler will hate it, but she'll be OK after about a month. Sigh.
Something in me feels like because 2020 has not been dramatically hard for us as a family (we have had our own terrible years full of personal loss and tragedy, so this has been inconvenient and hard but not awful) that 2021 is going to be worse. I'm not sure why that is, or if I'm just having a weird sense of survivor's guilt. Either way, 2021 is coming and I do need a calendar.
Any suggestions for a good wall calendar for the kitchen pantry door? I have no preferences, but I do like big squares for all the things I hope we may be doing by the time September rolls around.
I've never bought one of her calendars, but I've seen people who are really happy with them and they're GORGEOUS - https://lindsayletters.co/collections/the-creatives-calendar
I'm glad you are yours are healthy and as someone who holds onto lots of unnecessary guilt, I hope your looming fear of 2021 dissipates.
Hey Lil Swipes!
Yesterday I ended up on the couch feeling like my body was fighting off a stomach bug of some sort, so I'm late to the comments party, but feeling much better. December ended up being a lot, so I was not able to delve into comments much. How I missed it, and what a luxurious treat it's been to scroll through today!
Here is my list of treasures:
*You guys...I quarantined for two weeks to go home to my family in Ohio for Christmas. I drove up Wednesday the 23rd. About noon on Christmas Eve it began snowing and did not stop until midnight. WE HAD A WHITE CHRISTMAS! The local news station said in 143 years, we've only had about 19 white christmases, and this one was a record breaker. Five to eight inches in my parents' area.
*Going for a stupid walk on Christmas Eve with snow pouring down hard. Getting pictures of the outside decorations and listening to the stunning silence that takes place when it is actively snowing at night.
*I put the blanket hoodie Erin told us about on my Amazon wishlist and received it. The. Lord. Provides. I'm gonna marry that thing.
*I have two orchids, one of which is about to bloom for the first time, and the other is blooming for a second time this year! I have killed so many orchids, so this truly feels miraculous and is giving me life!
*DM'ing with Jillian while watching The Mandalorian. It's so much fun to enjoy with someone else!
*As with so many others, I received a knitted gem from our Mel. It was waiting for me when I returned home from my parents' and is a gorgeous, beachy colored scarf.
*Dana's IG stories. Lort. I have a friend working full time in a covid unit (she's been pulled there from her normal PT duties) and I send her memes every day she works. Dana's stories are rife with goodness for laughter.
*these joggers from Target:https://www.target.com/p/women-s-high-rise-vintage-jogger-sweatpants-wild-fable/-/A-76501234?preselect=54628511#lnk=sametab
I got some for myself when we had our first cold snap here in Raleigh. They are heaven, and I bought my best friend a pair for Christmas, to warm her as she braves the Ohio winter.
*I'm now quarantining again since I have come back from travel. Last night, OSU and Clemson played, and a friend watched the game with me from her house. It was so fun to get to feel connected while watching!
*One of my corona fam stayed at my house while I was out of town. She is a chef and cooks up a storm when she is in her happy place. I came back to several really delicious (and healthful) meals waiting for me. It was just the sweetest thing to experience after travel, particularly headed into New Year's Eve the next day.
SO thankful for this community. I talk about you guys (and the Popcast/Bible Binge) as if everyone should know who you are, because you are now such a part of my normal, real life.
Thank you for keeping me company on IG even though I don't post much. Thanks for encouraging each other, being honest, and holding space.
Mel and I were chatting today and she said something I think is the magic sauce of this group. She mentioned when one person is honest about something they experience, three to five (or more!) other women will see and share they have experienced the same/similar. I truly think that's the magic: knowing we are not alone. That's what has happened here, and it has been gold.
To 2021 Lil Swipes (clinks champagne glass or coffee mug)! To more engagements, bébés, getting through things together and being real.
I've been wondering where you've been in the comments! Glad to have you back, friend!
Thank you!
Oh my gosh, seeing my name in this post! Daniiieeeeelllllllleeeeee
I love so much of this post.
I am so so so grateful for this group because I met you!!!! You have been such a magical addition to my life and I am so blessed to know I can walk through my life and you're in my orbit now. I have a Danielle in my world. A super kind and lovely and true hearted woman who is just....GOOD. You are such a beautiful human. Thank you for being you.
Legit crying over these words. Goodness. Thank you!!
😭🤧😭
A treasure trove of goodness, Danielle! So glad you are feeling better & can be back here to share with us. ☺️💗 Also yes to all of the Swipes & the PMG being a part of my normal life. I’ve definitely stopped having to preface anything Popcast-related with my husband. He even asks on Fridays, “how’s your newsletter?” 😄
Thanks Hannah!
loneliness during this pandemic is definitely a thing! We moved in June and while I do know a few people in our new city, getting to be apart of their everyday full lives has been hard since we can't really meet in person much. One thing I'm trying to do is to connect to other friends that are far away and I miss (this is just the price of being a military wife for 30 years!) I either text or send a DM on their birthdays instead of just posting "Happy birthday" on their facebook wall. Most lead into a real conversation. It's not perfect, but helps with the loneliness.
Kelley, where did you move? Out of curiosity.
Hampton Roads area of Virginia - just north of Va Beach on the peninsula. We were here in the early 2000's so at least I (sort of) remember my way around.
Good advice!
I'm late to the party, but here none the less! Happy New Year, I only joined recently so I'm looking forward to getting to know you all more in the new year.
Christmas was lovely, I house sat for a swanky friend and made myself cinnamon rolls, breakfast casserole, and dinner charcuterie boards for days. It was a blessing to be able to see all my family on zoom without having to navigate splitting time btwn parents and my dad's new wife ( met, engaged, married all in 2020).
I'm struggling with loneliness and would appreciate your prayers for building and developing friendships. The hardest part has been that my work ladies all retired and I haven't really made new friends. I also moved out of a house with a family, which was the right thing for both of us, and now live with a 26 yo women with down syndrome. There are a lot of sweet things about living with her, but she's not one for deep conversation and it's a lot more like talking to my students than a friend.
I feel like I'm just rambling now, but the last week at home together has just felt like such a struggle and not the restful break I thought I would have and I feel terrible for even thinking that.
Welcome Eliza! You have come to the right place! I know have known the struggle of loneliness and I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. I’ll be praying for you 💗
With all the struggles, it seems like you're finding all the good, too - the zoom calls, the charcuterie boards, etc. :) That's what I keep trying to do myself.
Welcome to the comments, Eliza. We're glad you're here. Loneliness has been a common struggle for many in here, so it will not be a stretch to remember to pray!
Lifting you up in prayer, Eliza. Loneliness is so hard. So glad to hear you enjoyed your Christmas! All that food sounds delightful!
Wow friends, today got away from me, but I am glad for a quiet yet non-stop day. Biggest treasures are racing one of my BFFs to finish Clone Wars (i’m winning right now), facetiming with Megs and Avery on Christmas, texting and DMing with many more swipes (Erin S, Mel, Lily, Dana, SARAH P), and like many of you have mentioned, LIL SWIPES CAMP BE NEAR, and the Ratatouille Musical staging on todaytix.com. You too can watch till 1/3 7pm ET for a $5+ donation. Highly recommend, was easily the best way to start my year. I’ll be posting Tiktoks tomorrow for everybody because this week was not quiet chez moi 😂😂
GIRL! Thank you for twisting my arm and being the best form of peer pressure to get onto Marco Polo. That made my day yesterday. You are such a lightbringer for me and have helped make 2020 far better. You are a person that inspires me, makes me laugh, and brings joy so easily. I am so better for knowing you. "WHO'S JILLIAN??!!" An awesome amazing woman I am so so so blessed to know.
I may need to watch this musical, I cannot imagine the hilarity it could bring. ;)
LIL SWIPES CAMP BE NEAR! --> rally cry for 2021
Love you so many bunches.
Hey there Lil Swipes! ❤️
Happy 2021...2020 don’t let the door hit you on the way out. 🚪
A few treasures for the past two weeks:
* I received a beautiful scarf from our precious Mel and I love it! 🥰
* I’ve had two weeks off from work and haven’t had to travel anywhere for the holidays, and it has been GLORIOUS.
* I’ve been practicing at artsy fartsy hand-lettering, and it has been so satisfying to do something creative.
* And I have to concur with everyone else in saying that this warm, witty, wise community has been such a gift to me this year. Much love to you all!❤️
Awwww so glad you like your little scarf! It's a punch of color that everyone needs right now. A little bit of softness in a hard world. I have been the same way, 2 weeks off and no where to go. Monday is going to be TOUGH.
OOOh s jealous of anyone who does hand-lettering. Mine would be the 'nailed it' version lol.
Love you Miss Valerie!
I love hand lettering! It's so relaxing, and you can fix virtually any mistake - something I need reminders of outside of lettering. :)
I hope the two glorious weeks were restorative!
They have been so restorative! I needed it badly.
Erin - You are a treasure. I thank you for your humor, grace, and generosity in sharing about your life, loves and opinions. I look forward to receiving your newsletters every time they land in my mailbox. Cheers to the end of 2020 and a more hopeful new year.
Happy New Year, internet friends!
I finished 2020 as hopeful as an idealistic romantic enneagram four can be - dreaming of days spend on my paddle board exploring rivers, daring to believe that I’ll be pregnant sometime 2021, and playing video games while my husband drove a boat on Sydney Harbour for the fireworks (he has a very cool job).
I’m glad to leave the year that was behind. Can I share a little more on the paddle board situation? And the baby one?
(I’m imagining you’re nodding here while you hold a cup of coffee and smile at me, so I’ll continue.)
I decided to try stand up paddle boarding in about August and it’s been a freaking lifeline for me. It’s a long story, but when I was a kid I loved being on the water, but when my hips got too wide for my little lime green kayak my father declared I needed to lose weight if I wanted to do it again. (Spoiler alert: I did not lose weight.) This year, being close to the water again after years of being close to the city where all pretty water locations are swarming with tourists, I was hit by the intense longing to be out there again.
Friends, it saved my 2020. The turdburger of infertility, covid and bushfires is not okay but there was some solace out on the water and if it’s a thing you want to try, do it please. Also Red Paddle Co are publishing a bit of my story so I’m basically a sports writer now. The least sporty one you’ll ever meet.
Onto the baby thing.
This is going to sound charismatic in the biggest way and my conservative evangelically trained self feels the need to say that I do not often experience these whispers of God, and I remain nervous that my desires caused it to be imagined. But.
Before the issues with my husband’s fertility and the slew of tests to work it out (still not done), I was at Colour Conference. The one and only one that went ahead in person. I remember looking around and seeing people with their babies and smiling and dreaming of that being me. In a moment of prayer I felt God say “next time you stand here, you’ll have a child of your own.”
Now, come June this year I decided that I had been imagining things. Colour Conference is in March and no baby, no truth to the whisper. Then, friends, Colour went online for 2021. I cancelled my ticket because no more online please. I want to be in the room where it happens or not at all thanks.
And now I’m wondering if that whisper is true and that God is doing his thing and that’s a lot of hope in one heart and honestly I’m ready for it to be shattered because that’s how the last year has been - but we dare to hope anyways.
OKAY.
Enough of me.
Sorry about that essay.
Here’s my internet treasure of the week - a little blog from Jamie Tworkowski who founded To Write Love On Her Arms (if you know, you know) that made me smile much yesterday.
https://twloha.com/blog/welcome-to-midnight-2020-edition/
If you made it this far, I applaud you, internet friend. Please join my rambles, overshares and rescue kittens over on Instagram at Tamara.Robson . I need more friends to laugh and cry with.
Tamara: First off, you are an instagram delight. I love you.
Secondly, thank you for always being you. Authentic, true, real, YOU.
Thirdly, I know 2021 is going to be such a year for you. I have a feeling. I have so many feelings. You are a force and that will be met with good things. It has to.
Just thank you sister from the other side of the world.
I love seeing your tomorrows today in my feed :)
Mel
ps I get TWLOHA emails and did a virtual run with them last year!
This is 100% an overshare, but when I was a teenager I was way in deep on self-harm and when I read the TWLOHA story it was the first time I felt hope that it wouldn't be in my future always. I have 'love' tattooed on the wrist I used to self-harm on. I mean, currently it has some damage from rogue kittens paws, but for the last ten years or so it's been free of self-inflicted wounds.
That organisation is golden.
Tamara, I was totally grinning at the moment you wrote you imagine us nodding and smiling with a cup of coffee.
Thank you for sharing vulnerably here. I'm praying for your fertility journey. I get that - the whispers you hear that you then question you heard...but what if? So. Here's hoping and praying that yes, you heard, and yes, there will be a babe.
Praying and holding onto hope with you, Tamara ❤️❤️
Tamara, that was beautiful 💜 Thank you for sharing those stories with us. Always happy to figuratively hold a cup of coffee and listen. I'll be chewing on "we dare to hope anyways" for awhile. Together in hope.
Tamara, what an amazing story that clearly isn’t finished, yet! I’ll be praying in agreement with you for a bebe. I’ve also only heard God speak to me just a few times and each time I was like, God, is that you, or was that my indigestion? This year I’m going to be more intentional about trying to listen for God’s messages 💗
I studied at a super conservative theological college, but my first ever Christian book was Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz, so I’ve always had a clash between emotional engagement with God and a firmly intellectual faith that was taught at college.
I want to listen better, too. He does speak. But, man, it’s hard to get the “he only speaks in Scripture pages” out of my head.
I’m half way through Enter Wild by Carlos Whittaker. That’s helping a bit.
Blue Like Jazz rocked my little heart in 10th grade.
Tamara 💗 All of this is full of hope and light and beauty. So grateful you shared this with us.
Hope is the best way. 💙
First time poster, long time reader and pray-er, and advice-taker and admirer of all of you. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being a balm this past year. Your funny stories, unabashed requests, thoughtful ideas, and most of all, your words, have helped me get through a lot of difficulties. And I wanted to say thank you for this community. One that allows everyone to be as they are, and welcomes everyone with open arms, a few snarky and hilarious gifs, and kindness above all.
Also, I just have to say. My children (4, 2, 1) have woken up at an average time of 5:30 this past year. This morning they slept in until 6:20 so. THE SPELL IS BROKEN. ASLAN IS ONE THE MOVE.
Y'all are my favorites. HAPPY 2021!
May 2021 bring better sleep for ALL!
Welcome to the comments Amanda!
🙌 for the extra sleep! As a mom of early risers, I feel this so deeply for you. Wonderful!
💗💗💗💗💗💗
Also straight up REJOICING with you about the sleep. Keep it up, sweet Soltoff babes!! Love to you, friend.
THE SPELL IS BROKEN!
So glad for you.
May they sleep long, so you can drink deep of your coffee.
January 1 is always a tough day for my family as it's the anniversary of my Grandpa's death. I'm really good at turtling in on my feelings (you know, where you ghost everyone you know and love and IGNORE ALL THE THINGS) but this year I woke up to 5 inches of snow (in OKC wutttt) and my toddlers jumping on top of me and somehow it felt like a breath of fresh air. I think this is the first time I'm not going to accidentally write the wrong year until July. We VERY MUCH KNOW it's 2021.
Honestly y'all, I've been a creeper here for a while but please know this community means so much to me. When I posted about our family going to Mayo with our 2 year old you showed up; when I posted about it in the We've Got You Club you showered us with prayers and emails of encouragement. I wouldn't have made it through the clustercuss of this year without you all.
I've never found the new year that exciting but this year feels different. I finally started a food blog/insta (@andkaylacooked if you want to follow along! lots of dad jokes if that's your thing ;), we're getting genetics results soon from Mayo for our guy, and I'm PUMPED to start Bri's masterclass. I'm determined to carry the things I've learned about myself forward with grace and probably some dark chocolate, but maybe less cheap Aldi wine. (Y'all. Why do I do this to myself. THE HEADACHES.)
Love to you all. Here's to 2021!
Ohhh! I live in Edmond (but work in OKC)!! This snow was such an unexpected surprise and really good for the first day of a new year.
Beth, I live in Edmond, too!! Didn't think anyone would know where that was so I kept it general to OKC. 😂
I usually do the same. 🤣
I thought I was going to have to give up wine last year (oh, the heartburn), but a friend of mine said to try just international women's. Anywhere but the US and they usually don't have sulfates (which is what causes the headaches/heartburn). So far, that has been a winner! Even cheap Italian/Australian/Argentinian wine. Worth a try anyway. 😊
Specifically, get your paws on Logan Estate wines, Ascella Organics, and OH MY WORD, Tread Softly is beautiful.
These are great recs...researching where to buy them now!
Thank you for this list!!
Can I vouch 1000% for Australian wine? I mean, I’m Australian so there’s bias but also gosh darn we make good wine.
*international WINES. Dumb autocorrect
Honestly, I was like "oh international women's wines? okay there must be some sort of group that supports women wine makers" hahahaha. I was here for it!
LOL! Sounds like a business idea (if I was at all entrepreneurial...which I am not!)
I love Beth Moore!
Happy New Year! Glad to put 2020 in the rear view. I have learned so much this year about slowing down and being present. I worry I haven’t quite learned enough, but am looking forward to more personal growth (I think... it’s hard).
Co-sign
Something about this new year makes me feel bold in asking this tiny corner of the internet, filled with strangers that are also somehow friends, to weigh in on the biggest worry on my brain for 2021. So here goes. Thanks ahead of time if you decide to read on!
I'm having a baby! And I'm psyched! She's not my worry. She's my joy. My worry is as follows: I can't decide on a planned c-section or to try for a Vbac.
My first experience was pretty terrible as births go. 50 hours of labor, followed by 4 hours of pushing, then finally deciding on the c-section only to be told by the anesthesiologist as I was wheeled to the OR, "oh, so you decided to give up?" Guys, that statement broke me. My daughter ended up needing to be in the NICU for five days which did result partially from the above mentioned scenario. She's happy and healthy now and all is good on that front. But I really don't want a repeat of what happened before.
My husband is currently in army training. Well the thing with army training is, you get zero leave, except what is already scheduled/planned, ie four-day weekends and scheduled holidays. Now, they can't deny him his paternity leave. But, they can make it really difficulty on him. He will essentially have to drop out his current cohort and join in the next one. And while he's in the building pattern to join the new one, they are not going to make his life easy. They really don't like them taking leave. In fact, most guys just end up taking their paternity leave when the class is finished. Which I guess is an option, but isn't the point for him to be there for me? Once again, I don't know (this statement will come up a lot through this post... Because I truly don't. I just don't know.)
Paternity leave is 3 weeks, which is awesome! I feel blessed because I know so many people get sooooo much less. Still, C-section recovery is a 6 week minimum. No driving, no lifting, no bending, no bathing. Heck, last time I could barely sit up off the couch without help. Doing all of that this time without my husband, and with the added chaos of a 1 year old...I guess I just don't know if I can do it.
Our nearest family is 12 hours away. And we only moved here mid-November so we don't have any close friends yet. So scheduling a C-section does have a benefit in that sense because obviously we have to have someone here to watch our daughter. And we will know the exact date.
I don't have parents anymore. I lost my dad to congestive heart failure in 2017 and my mom to cancer in 2015. It will likely be my mother in law here helping when the new baby comes. She's great but due to the current state of the world, we haven't really had much time with her over the last year, so of course I'm worried about my 1 and a half year old being alone with her for days at a time when my daughter literally hasn't spent more than 4 hours apart from us in her life. And believe me, this was never our plan. We just obviously can't do date night out or vacations or anything that would separate us from her. And haven't been able to for the vast majority of her life. So, she's never had to experience being away from us.
I feel like I'm choosing between the convenience of a scheduled surgery with a crappy recovery and the risk of repeating what I've done before or potentially having a better experience.
I don't know! Is laboring in the mask as hard as I imagine it?
Anyways, this had floundered into me just listing all the things that are constantly going through my head as I have contemplated what feels like a huge decision I have looming before my due date in March.
I don't really know what I'm looking for. Advice from anyone who has experienced anything like this? Encouragement that I didn't give up? Maybe I just needed to write it all out because getting it from my brain will help me sort through it?
I don't know.
Anyways, thank you for listening! I love this community and it has brought me great joy over this year. Thank you in advance for any comments you may have.
As someone who had am emergency c-section with my first and then I did have a planned c-section for my second but then went into labor 3 weeks before that date (water breaking situation right out of a bad sitcom, i.e., me apologizing to nurses as I leaked 'water' from my body in the exam room and sitting on nearly every towel we owned to drive to the hospital). I want to say go with what will work for your family. I was given a choice when in labor to go through with standard labor or have a c-section again. I chose the C because I was scared over my 1st delivery and even though my doctor wasn't available that night I trusted this group of women at the hospital (listen the OB was wearing comforting art teacher vibe jewelry and amazing clogs).
Bringing a new baby into the world take away a lot of control.
Find whatever decisions you can make now that make you feel more at ease.
Hey Robyn, first sending you love and a big hug for all you went through with the birth of your first babe! My experience was similar.
I remember feeling the same pressure about the VBAC/Csection decision. If it helps this is how I framed it with my midwife: I chose a date for a csection and decided that if my body went into labour before then we would trial labour/VBAC if all was progressing well. So I was leaving both options open (God/the Universe having the final say)... I tried to hold little expectations going into it, there is so much out of our control.
I know your husband’s work situation complicates things, an added layer for sure.
In the end I had the repeat csection and it was a surprisingly beautiful healing experience. Both ways of birthing babies are feats of feminine strength, much love to you on your journey, Mama!
Robyn, I only want to add...where are you living now because maybe another Lil Swipe lives close and can help you out in some way. If you are near Raleigh, NC, I would love to help. If you are near San Diego, CA, I have friends who I could call for you.
I wondered this as well, and am also in Raleigh!!
Robyn, I have an amazing friend in Buckeye, but that's a solid 3.5 or so hours from you. Hoping other Lil Swipes will know someone nearer to you!
Congrats to you on a new baby, because that is very exciting. I do not have littles of my own, so do not have any advice to give on the birth plan front. That said, the choice for a c-section is NOT weakness at all!! Bringing life into this world in ANY manner chosen is a feat and freaking miracle. Period. Believing you and your husband will come up with the best plan for your family.
Sierra Vista, Arizona. We live on a relatively small military installation and are pretty locked down now. But, if any Lil Swipes are around, I would gladly accept the help! Thank you for thinking of that as I wouldn't have.
Yes! I was wondering location too! We can help 💙
Robyn, you fought and labored and are the most perfect mother for your children.
I had an unplanned c-section with my first and also had an absolutely horrible anesthesiologist as well (I think I will be able to see his face in my head forever.) I had 2 successful VBACs afterward, without an epidural because medications + birthing children now terrify me.
It's an incredibly hard decision, and I think having supportive OBs/midwives (or a good therapist if possible) can make the difference. With my second pregnancy (first VBAC), talking through my first labor and delivery with my midwife, who was able to explain the whys and hows, as well as what could be done differently were that to happen again, was so helpful for my mental state. I am a planner and an overthinker, and what really gave me clarity of mind was discussing in detail what had happened and what I would like to happen for my next birth. Having someone check in on how you're feeling about everything fairly frequently also helps, or at least it did for me.
Either way, I hope you know that you didn't ever give up. You fought for your daughter. Your strength, your perseverance, your determination, and your courage brought her into this world. That isn't something to be taken lightly. And you're willing to lay it all on the line to do it again. You are brave and selfless beyond measure. I'm definitely praying for you, please keep us updated!
Thank you! I appreciate you saying this! So much good advice. I don't have a lot of options when it comes to picking the care I'll receive (small town and a military family) but even just having a doctor/therapist/midwife who is willing to listen could make a huge difference. I'm an overthinker as well, but I am way more go with the flow than I am a planner. And maybe that's why this has been so hard for me (Enneagram 9). I have to make a decision and can't simply let it happen and adjust later. I don't know but you've given me a lot of encouragement and things to think about. Thank you for that!
I echo everything Hannah said, and would add a couple of things: that anasthesiologist was an a-hole, and absolutely wrong. I think a scheduled C-section sounds like it would give you the most peace of mind, but that is just my opinion and what I have seen from friends who have debated similar options. In regard to your daughter, it's going to be hard either way for her, but she will be ok. She might struggle with the situation, but eventually she will be ok.
I keep reminding myself what you said about my daughter. I know in my heart that she'll be fine. Even though it likely will be hard, she'll adjust. And, even if she doesn't, we don't really have any other options. But honestly, she will likely be fine. But of course, when the overthinking turns on full blast, it's still there. I just need to remember it in those overthinking moments.
Also, what Erin said is 💯.
I have a lot of feelings about this but mostly will you give me the address for that anesthesiologist so I can punch them in the kneecaps? I'm gonna pull a Lazy Genius move here and suggest you name what matters to you and your family. That one simple exercise has helped me more than almost any other decision-making rubric, and while it's led to some hard convos, it also brings an enormous amount of clarity. Naming what matters to you in this situation will help you define how you can move forward, instead of swimming in worry and uncertainty (this is my preferred method of swimming). What's the most important thing for you in this and what choices can you make to set that in motion? There's a lot at play here. Be gentle with yourself. I'm echoing Hannah that you can move into the choices before you with support and peace (and a non-jerkstore anesthesiologist).
I'm going to pull out my bullet journal, sit my husband down and do this! Thank you. Also a good reminder that I need to follow lazy genius on the socials.
I’ve never had a baby, so I’m obviously not going to give any advice, but I will pray God will give you direction and peace. Also, if you don’t have it already, go ahead and put the number for Red Cross in your phone in case you need to send a delivery notification to your husband’s command. 877-272-7337
I never would have thought of that. Thank you!
First of all, CONGRATS! How exciting!!
Second, I had a VISCERAL reaction to that comment from the anesthesiologist. Holy CRAP, Robyn. I am so so so sorry. You are a freaking champion for going through all that you did to bring that baby into the world and screw anyone who says otherwise. And the same goes for your upcoming labor and delivery.
I wish I had more advice to offer. All I really have to contribute is what my counselor told me: My older son would be okay. We have to do the things and make decisions that allow space for healing (physically, emotionally, etc.). Your older daughter will respond to the changes and that will be hard of course, AND you need help. You deserve to heal and have help.
Have you considered seeing a therapist who specializes in women’s issues/maternity/postpartum? Just a few times maybe to process your first birth experience and discuss all of these things? I say that because I am a therapist 😂 and I’ve seen a therapist to talk about those very things. Just to throw it out there - I’m sure there are some virtual options.
Praying you can move into all of these decisions and changes with support and peace. 💗
I hadn't actually considered therapy. I've been to therapy for many reasons including processing the deaths of my parents and I guess in my mind I figured this one was "too small" which now that I'm actually saying this out loud (or in writing form) seems totally ridiculous. Thank you for that piece of advice, I will look into it!