It’s not Friday, I actually have no idea what day it is, but since we’re waving goodbye to 2019, it’s appropriate and good and right to look back on the year, Lil Treasures-style.
Good: Baby Cy dressed as a camel. He lasted all of two glorious minutes.
Bad: Zac Efron tried to die. We are not bringing that energy into 2020, people.
We may be dragging ourselves across the finish line of 2019, but here we are. I’m already encountering fatigue around the conversation of how we’re supposed to look at the new year: you’re fine, you don’t need improvements, stop judging yourself so harshly, look to the new year with hope, determine your own path, work hard so you can play hard, YOLO, ETC.
If you want to take the new year as an opportunity to set new goals, do it. If you are proud that you made it through this year alive, celebrate that. Personally, I love to make a bunch of fantastical goals for a new year, realize by my birthday in March I am definitely not keeping any of them, feel bad about myself for a minute, then realize I’m doing fine, I’m keeping small people alive, and today I have the gift of time.
I’ve never had a word of the year, one keeps coming up so often it feels like the Holy Spirit is some kind of heavenly fishmonger, throwing wet herring at me, trying to get my attention. So FINE. If I’m going to listen to anything, it’s someone throwing a fish in my face.
I used to be a person who was disciplined enough. I was disciplined enough to be the number 1 doubles seed in our district. I was disciplined enough to get the parts I wanted. I was disciplined enough to make the grades I needed to make. I was disciplined enough to hit my work deadlines. Then, like Miley Cyrus half-naked on a giant wrecking ball, came my real, actual life. A life with three kids, a life with a partner, a life with a house, a life with a demanding job, a life that called for a different level of discipline. And I just didn’t live up to the challenge. I was disciplined enough for the way things were, but not enough to make my actual life work.
This year was a culling. Some of it was painful. Some of it remains painful. I said no to some things and yes to other things and that was painful. If I’m honest, I continue to wrestle with those things. Did I make the right choices? What lasting damage have I done? What I’ve learned is that just because something is hard, doesn’t make it right or wrong or God’s plan. And just because something is easy, doesn’t mean it’s anointed. The level of difficulty is not indicative of something’s true-ness. Rarely does God give us specific directions like where to go to college or what job to take. Often, His invitation is simply to come closer. Do whatever you have to do to come closer. Make choices that enable you to come closer. And I realized my choices were keeping me from coming closer. My choices (a thousand little tiny choices) were putting up obstacles.
And like a persistent beacon, the words “discipline” and “endurance” kept showing up. I hate those words. They are usually not fun. But they are apparently my words for 2020.
So yes, I have a plan. I have goals. They aren’t really important to anyone other than me, but I guess what I want you to know is that it’s okay to have them, or it’s okay not to have them. Your life doesn’t have to be about improving. But I love the personal assessment that a new year brings, so as for me and my house, we will have the goals.
Also, because this is the Lil Treasures thread, I’m pulling out some of the things I loved in 2019. Here they are, and I (as always) can’t wait to read yours!
Non-fiction Book I Keep Coming Back To For Courage:The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman
Book I Stayed Up All Night To Read In One Sitting Because I Was So Entranced:Miracles and Other Reasonable Things by Sarah Bessey
Most Transforming Read:Atomic Habits by James Clear (this is basically the thing that is informing my 2020)
Favorite Read (Fiction):The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall, City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert
Favorite Read That Gave Me A New Perspective: Jane Austen’s Letters
Strangers I Irrationally Love: Shea Serrano and Heather McMahan
Favorite New Podcast: Catlick
Favorite Old Standby Podcast: The Lazy Genius, Invisibilia, Noble Blood, Without Fail, You Must Remember This, Reply All, and obviously: The Popcast and The Bible Binge.
Thing/Person I Was Wrong About: Amy March Laurence, Jane Austen
Biggest Waste of My Time: The Last Season of Game of Thrones
Most Productive Use of My Time: Randomly coaching volleyball even though I have not touched a volleyball in probably 25 years.
Thing I Was Supposed To Do, But Didn’t: Establish a workout routine.
Thing I Wasn’t Supposed to Do, But Did: Run a 5k.
Something I Would Like for Us, Collectively, As A People, To Leave in 2019: The phrase “The Bible is super clear on this” and any derivative thereof. Now, I’m sure I’ve said this at some point but what I’ve learned is that the Bible is actually an enormously complicated document that is clear on like, maybe three things. Look for yourself to find out if the Bible is clear on something. In fact, I might caution you to have a healthy level of mistrust of almost any Bible teacher who says these words. Except for Sister Beth.
Existential Crisis I Keep Having: Our planet is dying and no one in power cares!
Thing I Learned: Never let the thing that matters the most be at the mercy of the things that matter the least (with apologies to Goethe).
Thing I Still Have Not Learned: How to consistently wake up early.
Genuinely, thank you for being here. Commenting, sharing, subscribing, liking, linking: it all means a great deal to me. I know your time is precious and it’s my honor to share it with you.
Empty your pockets and tell me what you loved this year!
I honestly cannot understand how you do everything you do and keep any kind of sanity! Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take a lot of deep breaths. Give yourself grace. I loved City of Girls and Little Women. Loved the Mad About You reboot. And Rocketman and Bohemian Rhapsody. Loved going to the Popcast Live show with my sister. Loved downtown Grapevine and McKinney (Dallas and Fort Worth were overrated). Bunch of stuff I DIDN’T love about 2019. Here’s hoping 2020 somehow manages to be better, though we’re off to a very shaky start.
Couldn't agree more with you about the existential crisis! Why don't they care? Do they really believe that they are going to take a space shuttle and live on the moon? Maybe there are mansions on the space station that no one tells us little people about! I dunno but I'm with you there, plus this stuff going on in Australia, the Amazon (which apparently people have already forgotten about), fires and other "natural" disasters all over the world. Saddens me and I have no clue what to do, I try to recycle as much as can and do my part and teach my children to their part. I am trying to do zerowaste where ever I can.
Erin, if you figure anything out re: our planet is dying and no one in power cares AND/OR how to consistently wake up early, please post *tout suite* to your IG. I'm with you on those, and I think my sadness with #1 somehow influences my inability to do #2.
Real question - for those of you with very particular skin care regimens, how did you learn which products to use together, etc? I feel like I need an advanced degree in Chemistry to understand some of the products available now, and all it took was one wrong turn with a little too much Retinol for me to realize I am out of my depth here. Azelaic acid? Vitamin C? Hyaluronic acid? Help! [While we're on the topic, I wouldn't mind if we, as a collective people, left the question "what's your skin care regimen?" behind in 2020.]
A few products I've loved - True&Co. bras. They're seamless and wireless and SO comfy. All natural deodorant creme from Little Seed Farm. Really, every product from Little Seed Farm is delightful.
And finally, a few favorite Podcasts - Bear Brook (true crime and so gripping!); Uncivil (untold histories of the Civil War. I'm no history buff but this had me hooked!); Finding Fred (obvs).
Best Newsletters I Subscribe To (Free): Sectional Healing (Knox) and this one... I love you!!!
Thing/Person I Was Wrong About: Standing up for myself is more difficult than I thought. Reaping the benefits of quietly standing my ground is worth it times infinity.
Biggest Waste of My Time: Meal prepping - doesn't work for my house.
Most Productive Use of My Time: grocery pick up services!!!!
Thing I Was Supposed To Do, But Didn’t: landscape the back yard
Thing I Wasn’t Supposed to Do, But Did: Get a different job
Something I Would Like for Us, Collectively, As A People, To Leave in 2019: Elevating one thing about ourselves as the *most* important (i.e. political opinion, religion, hair color, Instagram followers, enneagram type, etc.). All these things can be interesting and to varying degrees inform who we are. I am not sure that any one thing about me is so important that everything and everyone else must die to it.
Thing I Learned: To be a little less rigid and embrace doing things on the fly.
Thing I Still Have Not Learned: How to stay awake past 9pm
Thank you for the whole section on “disciplined enough”. You put into words the exact struggles I’ve been having! This and goes to consistently get up early...🤦🏾♀️
Happy NY Erin!! So much love! You and K and J guide me on all I love- thankful!! But I loved most The Comfy Words, Hamilton, the Popcast, Catachesis of the Good Shepherd, Dyson cordless, Fleabag, etc etc xoxo
I love the comment on “the bible is super clear on this“. Unless the sentence ends with “don’t Murder people because you want to”. The Bible is a complicated book for of wisdom, a lot of people who talk on stage metaphors and revelations, which I have accepted I’ll never really understand until I did and God explains it to me. It means different things to different people at different times in their lives.
What worked for me this year is trusting my gut and switching mental health doctors. Medication is useful but shouldn’t harm your body more than help it. Still haven’t learned to like cardio. Have learned that sharing your hard stuff helps others going through their own hard stuff.
Look, I know that God does not swoop in on demand and whisk us away from hardship. But His mercy and grace are profound and I learned them deeper this year. 2018 and 2019 were painful. Living in Montana (we thought was a forever-move, then proceeded to hate it for years) was difficult for so many reasons I don’t need to get into, and we had a tumultuous time serving in our church community. I was hesitant to call it abuse of power, what I experienced, because it felt over dramatic (I’m an enn 4, so I’m self conscious about that). But that’s what it was and I didn’t know how to get out. I prayed for a way out for over a year. In September, my husband was offered a promotion that included a move back to my beloved Pacific Northwest. Now we are here, we are safe, we are thankful, and I feel absolutely rescued.
Also important: Grilled goat cheese and pepper jelly sandwiches, bourbon, Thrive Causemetics mascara, ruby red Rothys, Penny and Sparrow. And all the fantastic tv everyone has already named.
This ---> "Often, His invitation is simply to come closer. Do whatever you have to do to come closer. Make choices that enable you to come closer."
*Disclaimer: About to get real serious here*
I took a deep dive into trauma recovery this year. Some times this was healthy and good and some times it wasn't. I read my way through The Body Keeps the Score and listened to almost all available episodes of Adam Young's podcast The Place We Find Ourselves. Both of these were such great resources, and they were a gift in many ways because they exposed unprocessed trauma from my childhood and the ways it informs so much of how I receive and respond to the world around me. But for a time I sort of god lost in trauma land.
The more I read, the more I realized the extent of how my trauma affects the way I live, and the more I realized this, the less fit I felt to be a mother. I let my trauma become my defining feature and spent the better part of the year trying to fix myself while also trying to feed/clothe/chauffer/counsel/console/referee/younameit three small human beings in the best way possible so as not to let my brokenness rub off on them.
As 2019 comes to an end, I'm feeling exhausted and depleted by my own efforts to heal myself and protect my kids. And thank God, because now I can finally rest. I hear God's invitation in your words, and I feel him drawing these sweet, gentle boundaries around me again. He's not left me to keep spinning my wheels. Instead, and I'm so heartbreakingly grateful for this, he's teaching me to come to him with all my complaints, to empty myself out in lament, to remind him of who he says he is and what he says he'll do, to boldly ask him to do it, and then to trust him to do it even when I can't see a damn thing coming together the way I think it should.
Erin--your sense of humor gave me the wonderful gift of laughter during this season when anything resembling joy or hope felt very far away. Please, please, please keep your movie commentaries, Zac Efron prayer requests, Chik-fil-a hero stories, and anything else that happens to tickle your anointed funny bone coming our way.
Happy New Year to all!
P.S. A couple of recommendations for anyone else in a season of lament or in need of some practical ways to draw near to God--Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop (not a perfect book, but a helpful framework for lament), Drew Miller's albums Desolation and Consolation, and The Common Rule by Justin Earley.
Hooray! Ringing in the new year with some kind of respiratory issue, so I'm feeling particularly badass with my meds and snot rags and 2-day bedhead. But I'm still celebrating. Because I survived this year. This decade, actually. To celebrate my still being aliveness, I just signed up for Yoga with Adrienne's 30 Day January class and an adult tap-dancing class. I think it is with a bunch of senior citizens, but I don't even care. Booyah!
Was very concerned about lil swipes community when I heard of Zac. Bad zac!!!
Some things I loved in 2019:
Scrunchies, newsletters in my email, a day break from social media per week, whole 30 frozen meals from Walmart, Poshmark, unicorn food bath salt (Amazon FTW), cheap moscato wine, endgame, 10 things to tell you podcast, wearing tinted sunscreen instead of foundation, using my Val Marie prayer journal, Vega protein mix, apple fritters from Krispy Kreme. That is all.
Thank you for sending this today. We’re nearing the halfway point of an 8ish hour road trip with our 8 month and 15 month old girls and this was the mental break that I needed 😳🙌
Thing I’m excited about starting in 2020: inspired by Laura Kelley (@pitterpatterart on insta)- 1 picture and sentence for every day of the year describing a joyful moment of the day. It feels like a manageable way to remember our year and to be on the lookout for the ways (big or small) that God is granting us His gifts.
The end of this year has sucked. I’ve been seriously battling through some mental and spiritual issues that have put me through the ringer. But this last month and a half has also made me so incredibly thankful for my people. I have a group of 4-5 people that I now know I can call at anytime with any problem and it might not be pretty but we’re going to come out on the other side holding on to Jesus and each other tighter than ever before. We may be beaten, bruised, and scarred; but we’re together. God is so good, kind, and sovereign. And those are the things that I’m going to HAVE to keep holding on to in 2020. Because if God is for us, who can be against us?
So wild that someone you don’t know and have never met can speak to your heart and soul so clearly!! Thank you for this newsletter in particular. My 2020 resolution is to begin systematically consuming the content you refer to in this newsletter. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Every year for like-the past 15 years I try so hard to sit and contemplate/reflect on the last year and the year ahead. Mostly it turns into mind wanderings and frustrations that all I can think about is how badly I want a Wendie’s JBC. When I was a teenager I would sit in a dark space and listen to “A long December” by Counting Crows- sometimes I’d smoke a cigarette I took from a friend who was ACTUALLY a smoker (I would never inhale) and that was always a good decision- because even if I didn’t think of anything, I could still get away with looking like the deep, reflective badass I really wanted to be in those moments. I’m not an Enneagram 4 but I remember moments like these and am very surprised that’s not my number.
This past year I started a small business. Consulting, working with businesses, teachers, helping caregivers ect... to talk about relationships and attachments and bringing out the best in each other and how to do that in any particular setting (actually I use the enneagram A LOT in these trainings)... and it has been a lot of work. Why did nobody tell me (actually everybody told me but as is my fashion I had to figure it out on my own) HOW MUCH WORK, TIME, EMOTIONAL ENERGY AND VERY LITTLE PROFIT go into owning a business (sorry for yelling). But... press on I will. Trying to find a balance with this and also being a wife and mom has been challenging. They all need so much of me and I love to give it- but also, I just want this thing that’s mine to work out so badly. Like so badly. I cared less about graduation uni or travelling Europe than I do about wanting to work toward making this business a real thing for me... but how on earth do you make small goals people? I’m a big picture person and have the vision but damn it- small goals are hard.
I do have a word for the year typically and forget it by February but last year it actually stuck so I’ll try again. Last year was brave- and ohhhh, I needed that. I stepped outside my comfort zone way too many times to count and also had ache like a beast because of the anxiety and extra wine I was drinking to calm the nerves. This year... I don’t know. Maybe “build” maybe “presence” (so I don’t lose sight of what matters)... I haven’t decided yet.
The fun stuff:
Proudest moment of 2019: giving multiple large workshops and people actually showing up and paying me money to talk to them about stuff
What put a smile on my face: watching my daughter play basketball and my boys go off to scout camp- seeing them step out of their comfort zones and doing these things SWELLS ME MAN.
Favourite book: city of girls and where the crawdads sing
Favourite new podcast: chatty broads (don’t knock it till you try it- it’s vert good!)
Thing I worked on the most: my propensity to be quick to anger. I asked my family to help with this one and boy did my kids come through by sharing with me every dang time that I was getting angry again and to calm down. It did help though. When a 6 year old notices something you don’t it’s worth listening. I also got really good at appologizing.
Biggest change: it’s been so fun, scary, fascinating having my faith shift and grow and change this last couple years. You know when you’re pregnant and can see the baby moving around in your belly- that’s sort of what it feels like. It’s stretching, getting bigger... and I’m doing my best to grow with it (with some stretch marks/scars along the way)
Thanks for all you do and giving us the opportunity share! I love reading your swipe up. It’s fun and yet always leaves me thinking about something. Best combo.
There were a lot of great things that happened in 2019 and a lot of not so great things. The last year and a half I’ve been focusing on my mental health more. This is great, but it’s also very painful at times. The best part of 2019 was also the worst in which I chose to be more vulnerable with my mental health struggles with my friends and family. It’s easier for me to stuff my feelings and not share so this was at times a very difficult practice for me but God has been very gracious to me throughout the painful times where I felt like sharing my struggles was inconvenient or too heavy for my community. He provided me with other friends who came forward to tell me that they struggled too. He also gave me friends who saw me in my need and although they don’t always understand, they came alongside me to listen and try to empathize as best as they can. One of my goals for 2020 is to take some dance classes. I danced for 15 years and it’s been about 8 years since I took a class. I have a very complicated relationship with the sport since it was such a therapeutic activity for me but also was a place that created a lot of insecurity and hurt for me growing up. For Christmas, one of my roommates gave me an unlimited pass to take dance classes for a month. She also bought one for herself because she knew that it would be hard for me to go by myself. So I guess my favorite part of 2019 was the faithful and enduring friendships and community that supported me this year!
Your newsletter is my favorite follow of 2019. I realize I sound like a total butt kisser but I DO NOT EVEN CARE. I stalk you as coffeewithdanielle on IG, but as a doe eyed, I'm-not-here-to-kill-you stalker who legit is so thankful for your comic relief this year. Sweet baby Jesus.
There’s a lot of wisdom in here, I appreciate everyone for sharing! I feel if I were to try to have words for 2020, ‘discipline’ and ‘organize’ would be in there. Discipline because I recognize that I am stubborn about some things but not about others—I need to use that as a superpower in my life and be more disciplined. No one is going to MAKE me do the things I need to do but me. Also organize in the sense that organizing what is already in my life CREATEs room for what needs to happen, especially room for God to work in my life.
Best Hard Thing I Did In 2019: Start marriage counseling. It is humbling and eyeopening and healing and annoying all at once. (Annoying = at how much I ugly cry during it.)
Favorite Skin Care: Anything @jamiebgolden tells me about, but also the Rooted skin care line from Grove Collaborative.
Favorite Meal of 2019: Fried Brussel Sprout Salad from Leota's Pie Shop in Maui
Favorite Trip(s) of 2019: Chicago and Hamilton; Hawaii and a camper van
Favorite Books of 2019: The Dearly Beloved; Miracles and Other Reasonable Things; The Wrong End of the Table
Favorite Movies of 2019: The Farewell; Knives Out; oddly, Spies in Disguise
Goals for 2020: I need to figure out how to be better about sticking to goals/habits. I am making it my goal to read Atomic Habits in January and make some goals that make sense and are attainable for me. SO often I make lofty goals and lose inertia two months in.
Other goals for 2020: be kinder to everyone; embrace 40 with open arms; read 40 books from my own bookshelves; East Coast tour in the fall with my husband and kids for school; get to a Popcast Live show.
The Dearly Beloved was my favorite fiction book this year as well! Currently my favorite “coming down from Christmas” album is Audrey Assad’s Peace. I do like a word for the new year - still hashing through what that might be. But I keep coming around to themes of connectedness, authenticity, grace, peace, & contentment - and I like the sound of any and all of that for 2020!
Thank you thank you for your end of the year newsletter, even though it's not Friday! You encouraged me because I too am finding I was disciplined... before real life and now what-has-happened-to-me-I-am-a-fraud! Here's to finding out what's holding us back and striving towards what matters most!
This is one of the only emails I actually get excited for! I have learned a great deal from you this year. You always make me laugh & I love how real it feels to watch your stories! Thank you for taking the time to bless us with The Swipe Up!! Cheers to a New Year!
Erin! I'm taking an Instagram break this week (Christmas-New Year's) and I almost signed in two days ago to check on you regarding Zac Efron. Praise the Lord for restoring him to us. Best purchase of 2019: nice bras. I started with a Third Love which was great but ultimately LOVED the Natori feathers bra that you can find at Nordstrom. They go on sale during the anniversary sales so wait for that. Best books I read: SO MANY. The Dearly Beloved was as great as everyone says it is. I also loved The Dutch House, I Miss You When I Blink, and Becoming. Best workout that doesn't feel like a workout: Yoga with Adriene. She's a delight, her dog Benji is adorable, and she's just granola enough to confirm her authenticity as a yoga teacher. Happy New Year!
Two things I learned this year: 1. expectations are everything, and 2. Confidence and a large following does not automatically make someone right, or make their advice right for me.
Absolute favorite Twitter follow and 2019 delight: @mstiefvater She is funny and weird and once wrote a multi-day saga on Twitter about the finches outside her window that included love, betrayal, and complex character arc's.
A few other 2019 favorites include but are not limited to: Bad Yogi and Yoga by Adrienne videos on YouTube (lots of 15 minutes or less options), Movie- Peanut Butter Falcon, music - Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors, Johnnyswim, tv - Derry Girls, books - The Golem and the Jinni, Lethal White, Two Like Me and You, and The Starless Sea.
I love reading your newsletters. It is definitely on my favorite list, if I were sufficiently organized to create one. I read your CFA Thorn story out loud to all my grown children and spouses. It was the perfect benediction to end our Christmas with nine extra people sleeping in our house. Sleeping is used loosely as many people were on flimsy mattresses on the floor. A merry Christmas flophouse of sorts. They laughed and now we have a new family motto. “These people are counting on us for their chicken.” The principle is useful in so many situations.
I turned 60 on December 18 and that has sent me for a loop. But my husband surprised me with a trip to Las Vegas two weekends before a Christmas where I was already behind, expecting above nine people. But I went with it and it was perfect. Not really every single thing but enough to look back on it fondly. And appreciate a spouse who does things like that.
Favorite Read (Fiction): The Stand (Steven King), Pachinko (Min Jin Lee)
Books Not For Me: Where the Crawdads Sing, City of Girls
Favorite TV Shows: The Mandalorian, The Good Place
Favorite Skin Care: Azelaic Acid (The Ordinary), Niacinamide (The Ordinary), Australian Gold Botanical Tinted Sunscreen
Fave Instagram Follows: @erinhmoon, @fullmhouse
Favorite New Podcast: 10 Things To Tell You (Laura Tremaine)
Thing I Was Supposed To Do, But Didn’t: Finish a mini bathroom reno in a weekend
Thing I Wasn’t Supposed to Do, But Did: Start a complete bathroom reno a week before Christmas
Something I Would Like for Us, Collectively, As A People, To Leave in 2019: Facebook
Existential Crisis I Keep Having: Donald Trump
Thing I Learned: Growth and change from past versions of myself is encouraged, but I don't necessarily have to look back on past-me with disdain. She was trying her hardest.
Thing I Still Have Not Learned: How to put my phone away
"And just because something is easy, doesn’t mean it’s anointed." Oooof. I wrote that down.
Some of my favorite things of 2019: getting married, LL Bean Wicked Good Clog slippers, visiting Boston, Vermont, and Maine for the first time, my KitchenAid stand mixer, and making a fool of myself in pilates class.
"Bad: Zac Efron tried to die. We are not bringing that energy into 2020, people" this made my morning. Thanks to you and @lemonadeh I was alerted to this crisis and then by the time I got i to get more details homeboy is already healed and spending Christmas with his family. Guess Typhoid ain't that serious anymore like it was on the Oregon Trail.
Human thing I liked this year: somewhere in the middle of 2019, I refused to let shame define me anymore and started being vulnerable with trustworthy people instead of "toughing it out" but exploding messily later. I told a couple of my closest friends things about my personality and my past that I assumed I was going to take to my grave. And then it gave me the courage to talk about it with Jesus, too.
I still don't get this right sometimes. I'm still weighing out the things I'm holding back whether it's based on having good boundaries and not sharing with people who won't hold my heart gently (or just not exposing tender wounds that still need to be bandaged), or if what I hold back is still based on fear and shame. But I definitely don't feel as afraid anymore and that's a win.
General things I loved: yoga, meditation and brain teaser apps, Seattle, Nashville, Maggie Rogers, Kacey Musgraves, Taylor Swift, Frozen 2, your newsletter, Sarah Bessey's Field Notes (and new book), the MCU, John Mulaney, Queer Eye.
I honestly cannot understand how you do everything you do and keep any kind of sanity! Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take a lot of deep breaths. Give yourself grace. I loved City of Girls and Little Women. Loved the Mad About You reboot. And Rocketman and Bohemian Rhapsody. Loved going to the Popcast Live show with my sister. Loved downtown Grapevine and McKinney (Dallas and Fort Worth were overrated). Bunch of stuff I DIDN’T love about 2019. Here’s hoping 2020 somehow manages to be better, though we’re off to a very shaky start.
Couldn't agree more with you about the existential crisis! Why don't they care? Do they really believe that they are going to take a space shuttle and live on the moon? Maybe there are mansions on the space station that no one tells us little people about! I dunno but I'm with you there, plus this stuff going on in Australia, the Amazon (which apparently people have already forgotten about), fires and other "natural" disasters all over the world. Saddens me and I have no clue what to do, I try to recycle as much as can and do my part and teach my children to their part. I am trying to do zerowaste where ever I can.
Ummm Amy March Laurence!!! Why is she my new favorite! I want to hug that actress for showing me who Amy always was. You're a gem Erin. Godspeed.
Thank you, I love most what you said about 'the bible is very clear on...'! Also a word on discipline, thank you for articulating what I could not!
*I have a few favorite books:
We Were The Lucky Ones
Before We Were Yours
Over The Top- beautiful bio from JVN
*Fav unlikely podcast:
Dolly Parton's America
*Thing I still have not learned- how to get along with supporters of a certain political figure.
*Thing I have learned- I don't really know anything!
Erin, if you figure anything out re: our planet is dying and no one in power cares AND/OR how to consistently wake up early, please post *tout suite* to your IG. I'm with you on those, and I think my sadness with #1 somehow influences my inability to do #2.
Real question - for those of you with very particular skin care regimens, how did you learn which products to use together, etc? I feel like I need an advanced degree in Chemistry to understand some of the products available now, and all it took was one wrong turn with a little too much Retinol for me to realize I am out of my depth here. Azelaic acid? Vitamin C? Hyaluronic acid? Help! [While we're on the topic, I wouldn't mind if we, as a collective people, left the question "what's your skin care regimen?" behind in 2020.]
A few products I've loved - True&Co. bras. They're seamless and wireless and SO comfy. All natural deodorant creme from Little Seed Farm. Really, every product from Little Seed Farm is delightful.
And finally, a few favorite Podcasts - Bear Brook (true crime and so gripping!); Uncivil (untold histories of the Civil War. I'm no history buff but this had me hooked!); Finding Fred (obvs).
Happy New Year!!
Non-fiction Book I Keep Coming Back To: A Long Obedience In The Same Direction - Eugene Peterson
Book I Stayed Up All Night To Read In One Sitting Because I Was So Entranced: Spinning Silver - Naomi Novik
Favorite Read (Fiction): This is like choosing a favorite child. Loved City of Girls, Outlander and The Testaments
Favorite TV Shows: The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel!!!
Favorite Skin Care: "yes to...." charcoal acne spot treatment
Best Newsletters I Subscribe To (Free): Sectional Healing (Knox) and this one... I love you!!!
Thing/Person I Was Wrong About: Standing up for myself is more difficult than I thought. Reaping the benefits of quietly standing my ground is worth it times infinity.
Biggest Waste of My Time: Meal prepping - doesn't work for my house.
Most Productive Use of My Time: grocery pick up services!!!!
Thing I Was Supposed To Do, But Didn’t: landscape the back yard
Thing I Wasn’t Supposed to Do, But Did: Get a different job
Something I Would Like for Us, Collectively, As A People, To Leave in 2019: Elevating one thing about ourselves as the *most* important (i.e. political opinion, religion, hair color, Instagram followers, enneagram type, etc.). All these things can be interesting and to varying degrees inform who we are. I am not sure that any one thing about me is so important that everything and everyone else must die to it.
Thing I Learned: To be a little less rigid and embrace doing things on the fly.
Thing I Still Have Not Learned: How to stay awake past 9pm
Thank you for the whole section on “disciplined enough”. You put into words the exact struggles I’ve been having! This and goes to consistently get up early...🤦🏾♀️
My favorite post yet!
Happy NY Erin!! So much love! You and K and J guide me on all I love- thankful!! But I loved most The Comfy Words, Hamilton, the Popcast, Catachesis of the Good Shepherd, Dyson cordless, Fleabag, etc etc xoxo
I love the comment on “the bible is super clear on this“. Unless the sentence ends with “don’t Murder people because you want to”. The Bible is a complicated book for of wisdom, a lot of people who talk on stage metaphors and revelations, which I have accepted I’ll never really understand until I did and God explains it to me. It means different things to different people at different times in their lives.
What worked for me this year is trusting my gut and switching mental health doctors. Medication is useful but shouldn’t harm your body more than help it. Still haven’t learned to like cardio. Have learned that sharing your hard stuff helps others going through their own hard stuff.
I LOVE this assessment of your year! Thanks for sharing and for the wisdom.
I loved being rescued.
Look, I know that God does not swoop in on demand and whisk us away from hardship. But His mercy and grace are profound and I learned them deeper this year. 2018 and 2019 were painful. Living in Montana (we thought was a forever-move, then proceeded to hate it for years) was difficult for so many reasons I don’t need to get into, and we had a tumultuous time serving in our church community. I was hesitant to call it abuse of power, what I experienced, because it felt over dramatic (I’m an enn 4, so I’m self conscious about that). But that’s what it was and I didn’t know how to get out. I prayed for a way out for over a year. In September, my husband was offered a promotion that included a move back to my beloved Pacific Northwest. Now we are here, we are safe, we are thankful, and I feel absolutely rescued.
Also important: Grilled goat cheese and pepper jelly sandwiches, bourbon, Thrive Causemetics mascara, ruby red Rothys, Penny and Sparrow. And all the fantastic tv everyone has already named.
This ---> "Often, His invitation is simply to come closer. Do whatever you have to do to come closer. Make choices that enable you to come closer."
*Disclaimer: About to get real serious here*
I took a deep dive into trauma recovery this year. Some times this was healthy and good and some times it wasn't. I read my way through The Body Keeps the Score and listened to almost all available episodes of Adam Young's podcast The Place We Find Ourselves. Both of these were such great resources, and they were a gift in many ways because they exposed unprocessed trauma from my childhood and the ways it informs so much of how I receive and respond to the world around me. But for a time I sort of god lost in trauma land.
The more I read, the more I realized the extent of how my trauma affects the way I live, and the more I realized this, the less fit I felt to be a mother. I let my trauma become my defining feature and spent the better part of the year trying to fix myself while also trying to feed/clothe/chauffer/counsel/console/referee/younameit three small human beings in the best way possible so as not to let my brokenness rub off on them.
As 2019 comes to an end, I'm feeling exhausted and depleted by my own efforts to heal myself and protect my kids. And thank God, because now I can finally rest. I hear God's invitation in your words, and I feel him drawing these sweet, gentle boundaries around me again. He's not left me to keep spinning my wheels. Instead, and I'm so heartbreakingly grateful for this, he's teaching me to come to him with all my complaints, to empty myself out in lament, to remind him of who he says he is and what he says he'll do, to boldly ask him to do it, and then to trust him to do it even when I can't see a damn thing coming together the way I think it should.
Erin--your sense of humor gave me the wonderful gift of laughter during this season when anything resembling joy or hope felt very far away. Please, please, please keep your movie commentaries, Zac Efron prayer requests, Chik-fil-a hero stories, and anything else that happens to tickle your anointed funny bone coming our way.
Happy New Year to all!
P.S. A couple of recommendations for anyone else in a season of lament or in need of some practical ways to draw near to God--Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop (not a perfect book, but a helpful framework for lament), Drew Miller's albums Desolation and Consolation, and The Common Rule by Justin Earley.
Hooray! Ringing in the new year with some kind of respiratory issue, so I'm feeling particularly badass with my meds and snot rags and 2-day bedhead. But I'm still celebrating. Because I survived this year. This decade, actually. To celebrate my still being aliveness, I just signed up for Yoga with Adrienne's 30 Day January class and an adult tap-dancing class. I think it is with a bunch of senior citizens, but I don't even care. Booyah!
Was very concerned about lil swipes community when I heard of Zac. Bad zac!!!
Some things I loved in 2019:
Scrunchies, newsletters in my email, a day break from social media per week, whole 30 frozen meals from Walmart, Poshmark, unicorn food bath salt (Amazon FTW), cheap moscato wine, endgame, 10 things to tell you podcast, wearing tinted sunscreen instead of foundation, using my Val Marie prayer journal, Vega protein mix, apple fritters from Krispy Kreme. That is all.
Thank you for sending this today. We’re nearing the halfway point of an 8ish hour road trip with our 8 month and 15 month old girls and this was the mental break that I needed 😳🙌
Thing I’m excited about starting in 2020: inspired by Laura Kelley (@pitterpatterart on insta)- 1 picture and sentence for every day of the year describing a joyful moment of the day. It feels like a manageable way to remember our year and to be on the lookout for the ways (big or small) that God is granting us His gifts.
The end of this year has sucked. I’ve been seriously battling through some mental and spiritual issues that have put me through the ringer. But this last month and a half has also made me so incredibly thankful for my people. I have a group of 4-5 people that I now know I can call at anytime with any problem and it might not be pretty but we’re going to come out on the other side holding on to Jesus and each other tighter than ever before. We may be beaten, bruised, and scarred; but we’re together. God is so good, kind, and sovereign. And those are the things that I’m going to HAVE to keep holding on to in 2020. Because if God is for us, who can be against us?
So wild that someone you don’t know and have never met can speak to your heart and soul so clearly!! Thank you for this newsletter in particular. My 2020 resolution is to begin systematically consuming the content you refer to in this newsletter. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Every year for like-the past 15 years I try so hard to sit and contemplate/reflect on the last year and the year ahead. Mostly it turns into mind wanderings and frustrations that all I can think about is how badly I want a Wendie’s JBC. When I was a teenager I would sit in a dark space and listen to “A long December” by Counting Crows- sometimes I’d smoke a cigarette I took from a friend who was ACTUALLY a smoker (I would never inhale) and that was always a good decision- because even if I didn’t think of anything, I could still get away with looking like the deep, reflective badass I really wanted to be in those moments. I’m not an Enneagram 4 but I remember moments like these and am very surprised that’s not my number.
This past year I started a small business. Consulting, working with businesses, teachers, helping caregivers ect... to talk about relationships and attachments and bringing out the best in each other and how to do that in any particular setting (actually I use the enneagram A LOT in these trainings)... and it has been a lot of work. Why did nobody tell me (actually everybody told me but as is my fashion I had to figure it out on my own) HOW MUCH WORK, TIME, EMOTIONAL ENERGY AND VERY LITTLE PROFIT go into owning a business (sorry for yelling). But... press on I will. Trying to find a balance with this and also being a wife and mom has been challenging. They all need so much of me and I love to give it- but also, I just want this thing that’s mine to work out so badly. Like so badly. I cared less about graduation uni or travelling Europe than I do about wanting to work toward making this business a real thing for me... but how on earth do you make small goals people? I’m a big picture person and have the vision but damn it- small goals are hard.
I do have a word for the year typically and forget it by February but last year it actually stuck so I’ll try again. Last year was brave- and ohhhh, I needed that. I stepped outside my comfort zone way too many times to count and also had ache like a beast because of the anxiety and extra wine I was drinking to calm the nerves. This year... I don’t know. Maybe “build” maybe “presence” (so I don’t lose sight of what matters)... I haven’t decided yet.
The fun stuff:
Proudest moment of 2019: giving multiple large workshops and people actually showing up and paying me money to talk to them about stuff
What put a smile on my face: watching my daughter play basketball and my boys go off to scout camp- seeing them step out of their comfort zones and doing these things SWELLS ME MAN.
Favourite book: city of girls and where the crawdads sing
Favourite new podcast: chatty broads (don’t knock it till you try it- it’s vert good!)
Thing I worked on the most: my propensity to be quick to anger. I asked my family to help with this one and boy did my kids come through by sharing with me every dang time that I was getting angry again and to calm down. It did help though. When a 6 year old notices something you don’t it’s worth listening. I also got really good at appologizing.
Biggest change: it’s been so fun, scary, fascinating having my faith shift and grow and change this last couple years. You know when you’re pregnant and can see the baby moving around in your belly- that’s sort of what it feels like. It’s stretching, getting bigger... and I’m doing my best to grow with it (with some stretch marks/scars along the way)
Thanks for all you do and giving us the opportunity share! I love reading your swipe up. It’s fun and yet always leaves me thinking about something. Best combo.
Rebecca
There were a lot of great things that happened in 2019 and a lot of not so great things. The last year and a half I’ve been focusing on my mental health more. This is great, but it’s also very painful at times. The best part of 2019 was also the worst in which I chose to be more vulnerable with my mental health struggles with my friends and family. It’s easier for me to stuff my feelings and not share so this was at times a very difficult practice for me but God has been very gracious to me throughout the painful times where I felt like sharing my struggles was inconvenient or too heavy for my community. He provided me with other friends who came forward to tell me that they struggled too. He also gave me friends who saw me in my need and although they don’t always understand, they came alongside me to listen and try to empathize as best as they can. One of my goals for 2020 is to take some dance classes. I danced for 15 years and it’s been about 8 years since I took a class. I have a very complicated relationship with the sport since it was such a therapeutic activity for me but also was a place that created a lot of insecurity and hurt for me growing up. For Christmas, one of my roommates gave me an unlimited pass to take dance classes for a month. She also bought one for herself because she knew that it would be hard for me to go by myself. So I guess my favorite part of 2019 was the faithful and enduring friendships and community that supported me this year!
Your newsletter is my favorite follow of 2019. I realize I sound like a total butt kisser but I DO NOT EVEN CARE. I stalk you as coffeewithdanielle on IG, but as a doe eyed, I'm-not-here-to-kill-you stalker who legit is so thankful for your comic relief this year. Sweet baby Jesus.
There’s a lot of wisdom in here, I appreciate everyone for sharing! I feel if I were to try to have words for 2020, ‘discipline’ and ‘organize’ would be in there. Discipline because I recognize that I am stubborn about some things but not about others—I need to use that as a superpower in my life and be more disciplined. No one is going to MAKE me do the things I need to do but me. Also organize in the sense that organizing what is already in my life CREATEs room for what needs to happen, especially room for God to work in my life.
2020...it’s gonna be a year 😅
Best Hard Thing I Did In 2019: Start marriage counseling. It is humbling and eyeopening and healing and annoying all at once. (Annoying = at how much I ugly cry during it.)
Favorite IG follows: @erinhmoon, @brimckoy (her Sunday favorites = much joy), @thelazygenius, @theunreadshelf, @whatshouldireadnext
Favorite Skin Care: Anything @jamiebgolden tells me about, but also the Rooted skin care line from Grove Collaborative.
Favorite Meal of 2019: Fried Brussel Sprout Salad from Leota's Pie Shop in Maui
Favorite Trip(s) of 2019: Chicago and Hamilton; Hawaii and a camper van
Favorite Books of 2019: The Dearly Beloved; Miracles and Other Reasonable Things; The Wrong End of the Table
Favorite Movies of 2019: The Farewell; Knives Out; oddly, Spies in Disguise
Goals for 2020: I need to figure out how to be better about sticking to goals/habits. I am making it my goal to read Atomic Habits in January and make some goals that make sense and are attainable for me. SO often I make lofty goals and lose inertia two months in.
Other goals for 2020: be kinder to everyone; embrace 40 with open arms; read 40 books from my own bookshelves; East Coast tour in the fall with my husband and kids for school; get to a Popcast Live show.
Happy New Year to you, Erin!
The Dearly Beloved was my favorite fiction book this year as well! Currently my favorite “coming down from Christmas” album is Audrey Assad’s Peace. I do like a word for the new year - still hashing through what that might be. But I keep coming around to themes of connectedness, authenticity, grace, peace, & contentment - and I like the sound of any and all of that for 2020!
Thank you thank you for your end of the year newsletter, even though it's not Friday! You encouraged me because I too am finding I was disciplined... before real life and now what-has-happened-to-me-I-am-a-fraud! Here's to finding out what's holding us back and striving towards what matters most!
This is one of the only emails I actually get excited for! I have learned a great deal from you this year. You always make me laugh & I love how real it feels to watch your stories! Thank you for taking the time to bless us with The Swipe Up!! Cheers to a New Year!
Erin! I'm taking an Instagram break this week (Christmas-New Year's) and I almost signed in two days ago to check on you regarding Zac Efron. Praise the Lord for restoring him to us. Best purchase of 2019: nice bras. I started with a Third Love which was great but ultimately LOVED the Natori feathers bra that you can find at Nordstrom. They go on sale during the anniversary sales so wait for that. Best books I read: SO MANY. The Dearly Beloved was as great as everyone says it is. I also loved The Dutch House, I Miss You When I Blink, and Becoming. Best workout that doesn't feel like a workout: Yoga with Adriene. She's a delight, her dog Benji is adorable, and she's just granola enough to confirm her authenticity as a yoga teacher. Happy New Year!
Two things I learned this year: 1. expectations are everything, and 2. Confidence and a large following does not automatically make someone right, or make their advice right for me.
Absolute favorite Twitter follow and 2019 delight: @mstiefvater She is funny and weird and once wrote a multi-day saga on Twitter about the finches outside her window that included love, betrayal, and complex character arc's.
A few other 2019 favorites include but are not limited to: Bad Yogi and Yoga by Adrienne videos on YouTube (lots of 15 minutes or less options), Movie- Peanut Butter Falcon, music - Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors, Johnnyswim, tv - Derry Girls, books - The Golem and the Jinni, Lethal White, Two Like Me and You, and The Starless Sea.
Happy New Year!
I love reading your newsletters. It is definitely on my favorite list, if I were sufficiently organized to create one. I read your CFA Thorn story out loud to all my grown children and spouses. It was the perfect benediction to end our Christmas with nine extra people sleeping in our house. Sleeping is used loosely as many people were on flimsy mattresses on the floor. A merry Christmas flophouse of sorts. They laughed and now we have a new family motto. “These people are counting on us for their chicken.” The principle is useful in so many situations.
I turned 60 on December 18 and that has sent me for a loop. But my husband surprised me with a trip to Las Vegas two weekends before a Christmas where I was already behind, expecting above nine people. But I went with it and it was perfect. Not really every single thing but enough to look back on it fondly. And appreciate a spouse who does things like that.
Favorite Read (Fiction): The Stand (Steven King), Pachinko (Min Jin Lee)
Books Not For Me: Where the Crawdads Sing, City of Girls
Favorite TV Shows: The Mandalorian, The Good Place
Favorite Skin Care: Azelaic Acid (The Ordinary), Niacinamide (The Ordinary), Australian Gold Botanical Tinted Sunscreen
Fave Instagram Follows: @erinhmoon, @fullmhouse
Favorite New Podcast: 10 Things To Tell You (Laura Tremaine)
Thing I Was Supposed To Do, But Didn’t: Finish a mini bathroom reno in a weekend
Thing I Wasn’t Supposed to Do, But Did: Start a complete bathroom reno a week before Christmas
Something I Would Like for Us, Collectively, As A People, To Leave in 2019: Facebook
Existential Crisis I Keep Having: Donald Trump
Thing I Learned: Growth and change from past versions of myself is encouraged, but I don't necessarily have to look back on past-me with disdain. She was trying her hardest.
Thing I Still Have Not Learned: How to put my phone away
Maybe my favorite swipe up of the year! Thank you for all you share and the work that goes into it. Happy New Year!
"And just because something is easy, doesn’t mean it’s anointed." Oooof. I wrote that down.
Some of my favorite things of 2019: getting married, LL Bean Wicked Good Clog slippers, visiting Boston, Vermont, and Maine for the first time, my KitchenAid stand mixer, and making a fool of myself in pilates class.
"Bad: Zac Efron tried to die. We are not bringing that energy into 2020, people" this made my morning. Thanks to you and @lemonadeh I was alerted to this crisis and then by the time I got i to get more details homeboy is already healed and spending Christmas with his family. Guess Typhoid ain't that serious anymore like it was on the Oregon Trail.
Favorite Instagram Follow: @erinhmoon
Favorite Devotional: O Heavy Lightness
Favorite Newsletter: The Swipe Up/Little Swipes
Best Use of Disposable Income: Being a BFOTS to The Popcast and The Bible Binge
(seriously, Erin Moon, you are a delight and a treasure and you made my days brighter in so many ways. Thank you and happy new year. 🥰)
I’m too tired to contribute but I loved reading all your thoughts and clicking links. Happy new year friends!
Human thing I liked this year: somewhere in the middle of 2019, I refused to let shame define me anymore and started being vulnerable with trustworthy people instead of "toughing it out" but exploding messily later. I told a couple of my closest friends things about my personality and my past that I assumed I was going to take to my grave. And then it gave me the courage to talk about it with Jesus, too.
I still don't get this right sometimes. I'm still weighing out the things I'm holding back whether it's based on having good boundaries and not sharing with people who won't hold my heart gently (or just not exposing tender wounds that still need to be bandaged), or if what I hold back is still based on fear and shame. But I definitely don't feel as afraid anymore and that's a win.
General things I loved: yoga, meditation and brain teaser apps, Seattle, Nashville, Maggie Rogers, Kacey Musgraves, Taylor Swift, Frozen 2, your newsletter, Sarah Bessey's Field Notes (and new book), the MCU, John Mulaney, Queer Eye.
My mom introduced me to Heather Robertson’s YouTube videos for working out. https://www.youtube.com/user/heatherrobertsoncom
They are quick workouts (15-30 minutes) with minimal equipment needed.