How I Became Affirming, Pt. 3: Q+A

Editor’s Note: For Pride Month, I’ve updated and edited my affirming series. If you’ve read it before, it does have new resources and content, so it’s not just a rehash. Also, I’ve added an audio component! You can now listen to this essay here on Substack or add it to your preferred podcast catcher. Directions for that are at the end of the essay, and anytime I add audio to any essay, and you’re subscribed, it will automatically update like any podcast. Magic! People often ask why I keep this behind a paywall; it’s for the comments. I want this to be a space where we can ask questions in good faith and help each other, but obviously, comments with any hint of homophobia or transphobia will be immediately removed. Onwards and upwards.

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Today is the final installment¹ of my affirming series, and re-upping this group of essays reminds me so much of what I love about the people here and on Substack at large: it’s just a lovely place where people are cheering each other on in curiosity. Writing muscle: re-engaged.

When I posted the original series, I solicited good-faith questions on IG, and the question box was overwhelmed with over 700 questions. I am going to answer some of the old ones, but I received a few new ones this time around that I thought would be helpful to add, so I’ve included them as well. I’ve also updated some of my original answers, so lots of new stuff here. Let’s jump in.²³

Q: Can you share some mindsets you had during this process that helped you? Is that vague? LOL SORRY.
A: I like this question because I think it speaks to the ways we sometimes have to disentangle a thought habit when we reconsider things. This was a process for me, but queer Christians are out there doing the work and have been for a very long time.

I get enormously riled up at those who want to argue and debate the validity of women holding positions of leadership in the church, but I also know as much as they want to argue about it: women are already in positions of leadership in the church. Women are out here doing the thing: you can either look at the fruit and get on board, or you can continue arguing about the validity. The same is true with queer Christians. What exactly am I going to be mad about? More people…going to church? More people…in community with believers? More people…hearing the gospel? No. I’m not. The fact that queer Christians are faithfully serving and building community has nothing to do with whether or not I “approve.” And I’m not The Approver™️ anyway. It’s happening. Get on board or don’t, I guess, but it’s happening.

Another mindset that helped was considering that just because I was in traditions and denominations that weren’t historically affirming didn’t mean there weren’t other traditions and denominations that were, and had been, for years. There are many branches of Christianity where having a theology of inclusion is as much a part of the belief structure as “we go to church on Sundays” or “we tithe 10% of our resources.” It was valuable to de-center my own experience as the default setting.

I would also say a huge shift was HOW I saw and read and understood the Bible. I take the Bible so seriously, even when it is unhinged, even when I don’t comprehend it, even when its weaponization has made it almost moot. Nothing in my adult life has been more formative than taking responsibility for my interpretation⁴ of the Bible. Engaging and wrestling and grappling with scripture, instead of reading, was like living in a one-room house and one day opening a door and realizing I’d been occupying a mansion my whole life. There are mysterious libraries and winding staircases and little turrets and holy crap, is that a garden out there? Dismantling false doctrines like inerrancy or “a plain reading of the text”, which were so ingrained in me I basically didn’t even realize they were there, assisted in helping me understand things like cultural context or genre theory, which led me to theologians and thinkers who interpreted scriptures differently than anyone else ever had in my life. Learning other very intelligent people had opposing viewpoints that could also be backed up with scripture was like *insert galaxy brain meme*.