💌 Lil Treasures #107: A Love Letter to Online Communities

Plus meeting a dog for the first time and some holiday magic

This week I read a frustrating and disheartening snippet¹ of an essay talking about online communities. This article brought up some interesting points about how corporations can take advantage of these internet spaces, but the main point was that people who do world wide web work are so desperate to matter, they hallucinate the digital spaces they inhabit to be actual “communities.” And because online creators are inherently fueled by competition, we want you to belong to OUR COMMUNITY, so you’ll be less likely to leave us. This, coupled with some tweets from tweeters about how online church isn’t actually church really got me in my feels re: the way we talk about online spaces and their validity.

Let me speak for myself for a moment: Over and over again, I have watched as the people that make up this space have rallied around loss, created additional spaces to go even deeper with one another, paid attention to each other in ways that may not have happened IRL. To say that digital spaces cannot be authentic spaces is absurd. To say that all real-life spaces are authentic is just as absurd. I’ve watched comment sections light up with connections, with prayers. I saw hundreds of people send birthday cards to a little girl who doesn’t get celebrated. Thousands of dollars when the pandemic hit in the bank accounts of those who were struggling, pen-pals, hand-knitted scarves, help with resumes, and genuine concern for and joy with each other. To call that a product of desperation invalidates so much of the richness of life, be it tangible or digital.

I know some people prefer in-person community, but I also know some people cannot access in-person community. Some people don’t feel comfortable in an in-person community, maybe because of COVID, maybe because they are questioning part of what made them a member of that community in the first place. It’s even possible to live fully and joyously in both spaces. There are some online creators that do not want to have communities, and I think that is absolutely okay! What irks me is demeaning the entire concept, just because it’s not your cup of tea.

I get a lot of questions from social media managers that fall into the vein of “How did you create this space?” Do you know why they ask that? Because of you. Like, YOU, the actual person reading this. I tell them over and over again: these people are here because I care about cultivating genuine community online, and they care about it as much as I do.

It’s my firm belief that God is in this particular Chili’s of online community.

And while I hope it never needs to be said, I will say that while I am eternally grateful you’ve chosen to belong here (or in other spaces), no part of me is desperate for you to stay. I feel called (like, by God) to create a space where you can be yourself: whether that is disentangling your faith or needing a little boost when you’re about to have a baby, or just sharing your favorite TikToks for the week. I do not do this work out of desperation: I do it because I genuinely like you and because this is where my hope mine is - seeing you love and lift each other up. Just like you would if we all lived on a commune somewhere, a totally natural thing to say to a group of people you’ve never met in real life. Sharing space with you (as Audrey Assad says: “what is space, quantumly?”) is one of the greatest gifts of my life. The sacred things (heck the MUNDANE things) you share here, I treasure them. They are not a ploy to get you to purchase a music hat so I can get $0.17 out of Bezos's pocket. To insinuate otherwise suggests a poverty of imagination, an unwillingness to see past the obvious banquet of goodness that can flow, deriding real people who live full lives both online and in person.

I get that no one is thrilled that Twitter INC gets the cash money because of where we gather. I really do. I wish we all had the resources to seize the means of production from the Zuck. It’s just not feasible for people, so I gently ask those who would roll their eyes at this space to look at the alternatives: dumpster fire comment sections, alienation of people and ideas, and emaciated online spaces that go for quantity over quality.

In the grand scheme of things, I know I don’t have to defend online communities. They speak for themselves, whether they are forming you for good or ill. And truly, I want to speak to you more than to this idea of online communities being vapid or thin. It’s honestly not worth my time to convince someone there is deep goodness here and in other spaces; it just is, that is all. But it made me want you to know that I value your presence here and in the spaces I see you cultivating in your own lives. I know that your generosity and vulnerability here is an overflow from what’s happening IRL. I don’t think about you in marketing terms.

I think about you in the baby gifts purchased from Patricia’s wish list last week. I think about you starting a book club. I think about you meeting each other over dinner and drinks. I think about you praying over each other. I think about you sharing your favorite recipes and your favorite podcasts and your best pieces of wisdom. Some will come and some will go and that’s okay. But don’t let anyone tell you these places (and the work you do in them and the life you live in them) aren’t real or meaningful or valid.

Okay! Thanks for sticking with me. Now on to this week’s treasures:

🤝 Last weekend in the middle of the night, a string of tornadoes ripped through several states in the mid-West and Southeast, taking lives and leveling homes and businesses. Understandably, there are so many that are grappling to move forward after this loss. Convoy of Hope is an organization that is on the ground and responding in tangible ways to bring help and relief to these brothers and sisters. If you feel overwhelmed by the need but want to help, you can click here to donate to Convoy of Hope and bring some hope and kindness to those dealing with the aftermath of this horrific destruction.

💡 Sometimes the internet is truly the best place. This guy crowdsourced the best life advice from 20 million people and compiled it all on Reddit. Some of the advice is straight gold!

✨ I put a lot of pressure on myself to curate holiday magic for myself and my family this time of year - on top of closing out work projects, shopping for gifts, making sure we have a plan for whatever side dish we need to bring to all the gatherings, etc plus all the regular tasks of life that already exist. Listen, I love the magic of the holidays- and I try really hard to make sure it feels different this time of year. But it can also be exhausting and overwhelming trying to do this in the midst of the chaos, to be honest. This article paints a very accurate picture of how this feels, and also encourages me (and you) to let some things go. Read it and be freed, my friends!

🎶 I’m always a sucker for a Christmas poem - this one hits a little differently but is definitely worth the read.

👼 I want to be the child in this video with all of my heart. Gimme those moves!

🥘 The perfect Winter meal does exist, guys. If you love a good roast, The Pioneer Woman has a great recipe for the “perfect” pot roast. I’m planning to make this over the holidays and cannot wait for the feast that lies ahead!

Let’s do the Tweets!

Pettyiana @PettyianaP

LORD, THEY DOWN HERE GIVING US BILLS EVERY MONTH AFTER YOU DONE PAID IT ALL 😭😭😭

Robert the Contemplative @robertjmonson

Y’all admittedly if I haven’t responded to messages or texts in the past weeks or months…I apologize. It’s not you it’s me. It’s a supply chain issue.

Lindsay Fickmas @lindsayfickas

When you’re a child, a Disney movie is an opportunity to imagine possibilities. When you’re a parent, a Disney movie is a reminder to update your will.

Owl! at the Library 😴🧙‍♀️ @SketchesbyBoze

A Christmas Carol slaps because there’s nothing saccharine about it. just a good, scary story of a rich man being threatened with eternal damnation.

Bess Kalb @bessbell

Hey if you could spare a prayer for my 2-year-old right now, his granola bar wrapper was pulled down slightly too low and it’s unclear if a recovery from this is possible.

jane @shivshivvy

someone said they look like rich twins

Buitengebieden @buitengebieden_

Meeting a dog for the first time in your life.. 😊

Danté Stewart (Stew) @stewartdantec

The last few years did not ruin Christianity. It just exposed a long history that many Christian traditions are more committed to power than they are to people. It showed that at the heart of their faith was not love and liberation but insecurity and fear.

THIS TWEET. So good, so needed.

Lore FergusonWilbert @lorewilbert

Anger can be a propellant to fight injustice, but it can corrode our souls and spiritual formation. We have to learn to recognize when it's moved from the first to the second and seek help from the Spirit and the community of God.

Rev. Ben Cremer @Brcremer

Christianity should feel like, “my love for others continues to deepen,” not “my beliefs are more correct than anyone else’s.”

rachel syme @rachsyme

me every morning: i'd love to get off this app and write novels and never return me by 11am: did you see the video of a pig who can do the electric slide

Rumaan Alam @Rumaan

Talking to my accountant is like talking to a sommelier; requires a lot of pretending on my part.

Kenny Lì ひ @theyylovekj

Lil kids talking about “when I grow up”. Man it’s 70 in December you ain’t growing up lmao

sweatpants cher🔸 @House_Feminist

are we supposed to just accept that gingerbread men live in houses built from the flesh of their fellow men

Thanks for reading pals, and for being the most kind, meaningful community on the internet! I am so proud to know you. Y’all stay safe this week, and enjoy the magic (but not too much if it stresses you out, see above article) that this week leading up to Christmas holds ❤️

1. It was definitely not the full totality of everything they believe about online communities, so I’m hoping some of it got lost in translation or behind the paywall.