đ Lil Treasures #107: A Love Letter to Online Communities
Plus meeting a dog for the first time and some holiday magic
This week I read a frustrating and disheartening snippet1 of an essay talking about online communities. This article brought up some interesting points about how corporations can take advantage of these internet spaces, but the main point was that people who do world wide web work are so desperate to matter, they hallucinate the digital spaces they inhabit to be actual âcommunities.â And because online creators are inherently fueled by competition, we want you to belong to OUR COMMUNITY, so youâll be less likely to leave us. This, coupled with some tweets from tweeters about how online church isnât actually church really got me in my feels re: the way we talk about online spaces and their validity.
Let me speak for myself for a moment: Over and over again, I have watched as the people that make up this space have rallied around loss, created additional spaces to go even deeper with one another, paid attention to each other in ways that may not have happened IRL. To say that digital spaces cannot be authentic spaces is absurd. To say that all real-life spaces are authentic is just as absurd. Iâve watched comment sections light up with connections, with prayers. I saw hundreds of people send birthday cards to a little girl who doesnât get celebrated. Thousands of dollars when the pandemic hit in the bank accounts of those who were struggling, pen-pals, hand-knitted scarves, help with resumes, and genuine concern for and joy with each other. To call that a product of desperation invalidates so much of the richness of life, be it tangible or digital.
I know some people prefer in-person community, but I also know some people cannot access in-person community. Some people donât feel comfortable in an in-person community, maybe because of COVID, maybe because they are questioning part of what made them a member of that community in the first place. Itâs even possible to live fully and joyously in both spaces. There are some online creators that do not want to have communities, and I think that is absolutely okay! What irks me is demeaning the entire concept, just because itâs not your cup of tea.
I get a lot of questions from social media managers that fall into the vein of âHow did you create this space?â Do you know why they ask that? Because of you. Like, YOU, the actual person reading this. I tell them over and over again: these people are here because I care about cultivating genuine community online, and they care about it as much as I do.
Itâs my firm belief that God is in this particular Chiliâs of online community.
And while I hope it never needs to be said, I will say that while I am eternally grateful youâve chosen to belong here (or in other spaces), no part of me is desperate for you to stay. I feel called (like, by God) to create a space where you can be yourself: whether that is disentangling your faith or needing a little boost when youâre about to have a baby, or just sharing your favorite TikToks for the week. I do not do this work out of desperation: I do it because I genuinely like you and because this is where my hope mine is - seeing you love and lift each other up. Just like you would if we all lived on a commune somewhere, a totally natural thing to say to a group of people youâve never met in real life. Sharing space with you (as Audrey Assad says: âwhat is space, quantumly?â) is one of the greatest gifts of my life. The sacred things (heck the MUNDANE things) you share here, I treasure them. They are not a ploy to get you to purchase a music hat so I can get $0.17 out of Bezos's pocket. To insinuate otherwise suggests a poverty of imagination, an unwillingness to see past the obvious banquet of goodness that can flow, deriding real people who live full lives both online and in person.
I get that no one is thrilled that Twitter INC gets the cash money because of where we gather. I really do. I wish we all had the resources to seize the means of production from the Zuck. Itâs just not feasible for people, so I gently ask those who would roll their eyes at this space to look at the alternatives: dumpster fire comment sections, alienation of people and ideas, and emaciated online spaces that go for quantity over quality.
In the grand scheme of things, I know I donât have to defend online communities. They speak for themselves, whether they are forming you for good or ill. And truly, I want to speak to you more than to this idea of online communities being vapid or thin. Itâs honestly not worth my time to convince someone there is deep goodness here and in other spaces; it just is, that is all. But it made me want you to know that I value your presence here and in the spaces I see you cultivating in your own lives. I know that your generosity and vulnerability here is an overflow from whatâs happening IRL. I donât think about you in marketing terms.
I think about you in the baby gifts purchased from Patriciaâs wish list last week. I think about you starting a book club. I think about you meeting each other over dinner and drinks. I think about you praying over each other. I think about you sharing your favorite recipes and your favorite podcasts and your best pieces of wisdom. Some will come and some will go and thatâs okay. But donât let anyone tell you these places (and the work you do in them and the life you live in them) arenât real or meaningful or valid.
Okay! Thanks for sticking with me. Now on to this weekâs treasures:
đ€ Last weekend in the middle of the night, a string of tornadoes ripped through several states in the mid-West and Southeast, taking lives and leveling homes and businesses. Understandably, there are so many that are grappling to move forward after this loss. Convoy of Hope is an organization that is on the ground and responding in tangible ways to bring help and relief to these brothers and sisters. If you feel overwhelmed by the need but want to help, you can click here to donate to Convoy of Hope and bring some hope and kindness to those dealing with the aftermath of this horrific destruction.
đĄ Sometimes the internet is truly the best place. This guy crowdsourced the best life advice from 20 million people and compiled it all on Reddit. Some of the advice is straight gold!
âš I put a lot of pressure on myself to curate holiday magic for myself and my family this time of year - on top of closing out work projects, shopping for gifts, making sure we have a plan for whatever side dish we need to bring to all the gatherings, etc plus all the regular tasks of life that already exist. Listen, I love the magic of the holidays- and I try really hard to make sure it feels different this time of year. But it can also be exhausting and overwhelming trying to do this in the midst of the chaos, to be honest. This article paints a very accurate picture of how this feels, and also encourages me (and you) to let some things go. Read it and be freed, my friends!
đ¶ Iâm always a sucker for a Christmas poem - this one hits a little differently but is definitely worth the read.
đŒ I want to be the child in this video with all of my heart. Gimme those moves!
đ„ The perfect Winter meal does exist, guys. If you love a good roast, The Pioneer Woman has a great recipe for the âperfectâ pot roast. Iâm planning to make this over the holidays and cannot wait for the feast that lies ahead!
Letâs do the Tweets!
THIS TWEET. So good, so needed.
Thanks for reading pals, and for being the most kind, meaningful community on the internet! I am so proud to know you. Yâall stay safe this week, and enjoy the magic (but not too much if it stresses you out, see above article) that this week leading up to Christmas holds â€ïž
It was definitely not the full totality of everything they believe about online communities, so Iâm hoping some of it got lost in translation or behind the paywall.
Such a good read. Thank you. I am a big ole 7 on the Enneagram and live a somewhat isolated life. The two do not go hand in hand. I sometimes try too hard when I become a part of an online community because I am lonely and love people. Talking with people. Getting to know them. Feeling like a belong somewhere (as a 7 maybe everywhere). Five years ago I became my husband's caregiver and wife in name only. It is and has been difficult and is one of the reasons I am isolated. I am so thankful for people and community!
First: This community has meant so much to me. Erin, thank you for making the space, and everyone else out there, thank you for being yourselves. I get new perspectives and hear from people I might never know. People who are kind and loving and supportive and interesting. Words are failing me, but you all have been a highlight of 2021 for me. Second: The article about holiday overwhelm gave me a big âah-ha!â moment. I *want* to love the holidays but every year I feel like I am battling my inner Grinch. That article just made me realize that it may be because my invisible workload increases 200% and Iâm supposed to do all of this invisible labor with a smile on my face. And if you get mad people are all âwhy arenât you in the Christmas spirit?â đĄđ± It makes me feel so broken and resentful. I feel a lot more normal about my feelings now!