I'm new here to the Lil Swipes - been reading and lurking for a while. Taking the plunge of joining and commenting. I would love to hear how others navigated moving away from good friends. We are considering moving from CA to OR, where cost of living is lower and we could enjoy a nicer home and natural environment. We are about 5-9 years from retirement, so a home with no mortage is very appealing. But the trade off is moving away from two dear friends and adult children. I am so conflicted and can't figure out my guiding light for this decision. Please share your stories of making a big move, good and bad!
Right after I met the person who would become one of my dearest friends, she asked me if I would be her PAM friend. I then asked her to explain what a PAM friend is. She told me "it's a Prison Avoidance Ministry friend -- anytime you think you are going to do something to your husband or children - you call your PAM friend and she talks you off the ledge." I said I would absolutely be her PAM friend. That was in June 2008 and we are still going strong. I'm also happy to report that we have both avoided prison thus far due to PAM health and wellness check-ins.
I’m lucky to have a friendship that has lasted 65 years! We grew up together, spent some years 100s of miles apart, and raised kids and now grandkids. We enjoy birthdays in February and both love the Oregon coast (state where we live), so each year have gifted ourselves several nights at the coast to celebrate. This February will be the 35th trip. I don’t have other really close friends, but am so blessed to have had this wonderful woman in my life!
Friends are hard. And moving as a military wife adds to that hardness. I moved in 2020, 2021, and we'll move again this summer. I have to be very intentional with friends as they live on the other side of the world. (I currently live in Okinawa, Japan.) I put notes in my calendar to remind me to call or text. The ladies here are very nice, but most have kids and mine are grown and not living near me at all - So I also have to be intentional here as I don't run into them as I did when I had kids at school and sports.
This is totally unrelated, but my city just got our first Chick-fil-A and I've never had it before. Which *non-fried* items are so fantastic that I must try them? I'm allergic to peanuts (and CFA fries in peanut oil), so I won't be eating any fried items. But send all other recs my way, plz and thank you. :)
My college friends whom we just did a girl weekend in Damascus, VA are the bomb! We have been doing "Girl Weekend" every October for at least 14 years! And before that we would randomly get together! we have a group chat and my notification for it is from Shania Twain "Lets Go Girls" IYKYK!
My daughter turnes 14 today!! Yes 1-4! She is my oldest and I can't even think about High school next fall, except that is all I am thinking about since registration for HS starts next TUESDAY!!
Anyway much love to you all and have a great weekend!
The tweets this week were amazing. Making that first one my whole personality now.
And friends. Oof. Friends have been hard for me most of my life...pretty much since I was 8 and my parents moved me out of the neighborhood where all my friends lived (in their defense, we had outgrown the house, but still).
I've often felt like I wasn't getting invited to things, and it sucked. And all I really wanted was to be sure I was my best friend's favorite (but that's not fair to put on a person, and she was also a person who others just gravitated to, so I never felt secure). As I got older, I decided to be the person who reached out. The worst that could happen was that I didn't get a response, but that wasn't any worse than not getting invited in the first place. From 2015ish to the beginning of 2020, this looked like dinners and a small groups, and honestly, the most friends I'd ever had at one time. But then of course, 2020 happened, and my daughter came to us, and we left our church. Things got hard again. But I decided to still be the one reaching out, even if it looked different, and now, I've reconnected with my childhood best friend, and I talk to friends that I lost contact with a decade ago. I still don't get to be with my friends as often as I'd like, but I talk to them regularly, and don't wait for them to text me.
My college roommates and I keep our friendship alive by meeting up for a Josh Groban concert every couple of years- he was our collective crush when all other men were worthless and continues to be our best guy.
One of my best friends from high school was a guy in my youth group. We had crushes on a sister (him) and brother (me) at a different youth group an hour away, and every week my friend would pick me up and we would drive to this other youth group. We became very close, and even though we are rarely in touch now (30 years later), we can pick up right where we left off. We definitely had some My Best Friend's Wedding vibes after college, but for the most part we were just good sounding boards for each other. I miss him.
My current best friend moved away six years ago, and kudos all go to her for maintaining our friendship over the years. She will not let me slip away, and I'm so blessed by her tenaciousness. I'm rather more passive about friendship, mostly because I'm an introvert and I don't have the energy to keep up with everyone. But I really value having someone in my life who isn't my husband who I can have such an open and vulnerable relationship with, and I'm glad she hasn't given up on me.
I'm so tired of shoveling snow, you guys. Denver has been getting hammered this past month, and usually it all melts off rather quickly, but not this time. Part of my job is keeping the sidewalks clear around our church, and I just want to move to Arizona when I see we've got more snow forecast for this weekend.
Ah, friendships. This has always been a hard one for me. I grew up seeing my parents not really have friends, my dad in particular. I always had a HARD time making friends. Kids can be tough and for a little girl who was socially awkward, didn't live in the right neighborhood and didn't have resources for all the status symbol clothing etc, it was not fun. But when I was 10 our church hired a new pastor and I remember the excitement I had learning that he had a daughter just two years younger than I. The parsonage was just five houses away from mine and I was delighted! We became fast friends and were inseparable until high school when she started dating and I didn't. We had some big blowup -- which I know can't remember the reason--right before I went to college and that kind of shut down the bestie situation. We were friendly all along, bridesmaids in each other's weddings but not maid/matron of honor. Kept in communication but didn't have the opportunity to see each other often. Everything changed when her brother was killed in a freak accident 14 years ago. She called me first and we bawled together for hours. The funeral was 8 hours away and I had smallish children but I knew I needed to go. And so we made arrangements quietly and went. I didn't tell her we were coming because there just wasn't time.The look on her face (and her mom's, too) when we arrived told me everything I needed to know. Our lives are completely different now, I have one grown kid and one almost grown and she has babies. She's a Wall Street lawyer and I'm a seminary student who still isn't quite sure what she wants to be when she grows up. We text often because that's the capacity we both have, but there's no shame in the gaps when they occur. She's my ride or die for sure.
Making friends as adults is it's own special beast, I think. Working in ministry, I've been in my own little silo for so long. I'm friendly with my coworkers and their spouses but we don't hang out. In 2015, my introverted self went to a writing/speaking/leadership conference that was held by the ministry I volunteer with. I met in person individuals whom I had know only virtually through the FB groups we worked in for the ministry. At lunch, I was introduced to a friend of a friend. Later that afternoon, we ended up I n the same session and as she was leaving to pitch a book to a publisher, I offered to pray for her, a VERY bold move on my part. We friended each other on FB and probably two years later, in a season of depression, we began talking weekly. Every Friday for probably 5 years, we chat via FaceTime, catch up on what's going on, pray together and read a chapter of Scripture. We just finished Leviticus last week, Numbers begins in a few minutes. Our goal is to read the entire bible together. 😁 We also attended a few conferences together pre-covid and in two months we'll get to do that again. Grateful for the technology that makes this sort of friendship possible.
If you read all that, thanks! This is my first time really engaging in this community. I kind of feel like I've found my people. 😘
Welcome to New Mexico, Erin!! I do apologize for the crappy weather we’re currently having but have no doubt the food, the views (most of them 😅), and people will make up for it! Hope y’all have a wonderful time!
I have a group of friends some of whom I’ve known since birth and all of them since high school so anywhere from 30-40 years now and they are such a blessing to me! We live in different places and have different routines and schedules some married some not some with kids some not but whenever we all get together it’s like no time has passed!
Also, super glad to know that I’m not the only one who plans their last bite to be the “best bite” I do this with French fries too like which fry is going to give me the most crispy potato goodness. 😊
It’s not possible for everyone (or even appealing to some), but staying put and growing deep roots in my city, work, housing, friendships, etc. has been the best decision for me. My closest friends and I have known each other for 20+ years of adulthood (we’re in our early 40s), since we met after college graduation. We’ve been there for each other through a whole lot of life’s ups and downs. I cannot imagine my life without these women.
Friend getaways are amazing. Worth all the effort of logistics, planning, and wrangling schedules and preferences. My college girlfriends try to get together every few years. We have traveled all over the US and even internationally for some incredible adventures. I live in the PNW and they live on the East Coast which makes it extra tricky to coordinate, but it is worth it every time! We are headed to Jackson Hole in May.
I also started an annual tradition of coordinating a reading retreat weekend with local girlfriends in the fall. We find a big ol' AirBnb somewhere with pretty views and spend 48 hours reading, sleeping, chatting, puzzling, napping, and eating lots of charcuterie. No kids, no screens, no wifi. Glorious.
Making these things happen definitely takes effort, time, and planning but the result is always worth it!
I have been loving these on Fridays but life has been off the rails lately so I haven't been able to dive into the comments. There's a lot going on, but sadly my sweet grandma passed away this month, and my mom - who has always hinted she doesn't think I'm actually a Christian, possibly primarily because of my politics - has now decided that my grandma, who identified as Christian and by any reasonable measure would be described as such by anyone else - was not actually Christian because of her deep depression over the last 10 years since my grandpa died, and the fact that she vocalized these thoughts probably more than she wanted to due to having had several strokes.
Basically being a Christian is the only thing that matters to my mom, and she's defined this so narrowly that no one can measure up. I've always suspected this, but this has just made it really clear. I need to figure out how to deal with this going forward if I'm going to try to relate to her on anything beyond a purely superficial level. This may be the thing that finally compels me to go to therapy.
Anyway, Erin, this description of your friends getaway really resonated with me (and I hope you are having a lovely time). In the last few years I've been doing a ton of reflection and work in the area of friendships and it has been so life-giving. I didn't realize for a long time that it was okay to need things from friendship, I think from being socialized female & Christian. I felt worn out in a lot of my friendships, where I felt like I was giving way out of balance of what I was getting back. The friendships I've focused on now feel a lot more balanced in a really good way. I don't know if any of this is making sense or not, but it felt like a huge revelation for me.
To try to end this on a lighter note, I LOVED Three Pines on Amazon. Gamache was exactly how I pictured him. A lot of other things were not how I pictured them, but I really loved it. I would almost describe the show as a great example of how to adapt a book to the screen; I liked it even more for the changes they made. Hope you all find some joy this weekend; hard to believe we are on the back end of January already!
I love that we're talking friendships this week because one of my closest friends who I met in the three-year-olds class in preschool is coming to visit for the weekend! In college, she became great friends with my roommate as well (who just moved to my city about 3 months ago). It was such a tricky adjustment at first, because they had more in common than I had with either of them. I felt left out so often, but adjusting my expectations for both friendships and resisting the urge to compare to their friendship made a huge difference.
I've struggled making close friendships on my own since I moved to a new city by myself five years ago. I have some great acquaintances through my significant other, but it's my sisters and my college roommate & preschool friend who really fill my friendship cup. Working at an office of 6 people, where I am the youngest by a factor of 10 years, really didn't help with the friends-making process. I feel like I'm in a good place now. I'm introverted, so I don't really require a huge circle to feel satisfied in my friendships.
Treasures this week:
On Sunday my former college roommate, preschool bestie and I will be making dumplings for Lunar New Year!
I got a new sweater this week that makes me feel extremely chic.
Y'all I tried liquid IV for the first time after thinking it was an influencer gimmick for years. It's actually good. And because I'm an unapologetically basic woman, I got a new water bottle just for flavored drinks.
I'm almost done reading The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue and I'm eagerly awaiting the point where my mom and sister said all the loose ends will be tied up.
I'm currently weaving my first tapestry. It's very fun, and a great way to use up scrap yarn from knitting projects! I think I'm going to make more and put them up on my Buy Nothing group to treat some people to fun, free decor. It's a great way to pass the time while my significant other watches football.
I'm new here to the Lil Swipes - been reading and lurking for a while. Taking the plunge of joining and commenting. I would love to hear how others navigated moving away from good friends. We are considering moving from CA to OR, where cost of living is lower and we could enjoy a nicer home and natural environment. We are about 5-9 years from retirement, so a home with no mortage is very appealing. But the trade off is moving away from two dear friends and adult children. I am so conflicted and can't figure out my guiding light for this decision. Please share your stories of making a big move, good and bad!
Right after I met the person who would become one of my dearest friends, she asked me if I would be her PAM friend. I then asked her to explain what a PAM friend is. She told me "it's a Prison Avoidance Ministry friend -- anytime you think you are going to do something to your husband or children - you call your PAM friend and she talks you off the ledge." I said I would absolutely be her PAM friend. That was in June 2008 and we are still going strong. I'm also happy to report that we have both avoided prison thus far due to PAM health and wellness check-ins.
I’m lucky to have a friendship that has lasted 65 years! We grew up together, spent some years 100s of miles apart, and raised kids and now grandkids. We enjoy birthdays in February and both love the Oregon coast (state where we live), so each year have gifted ourselves several nights at the coast to celebrate. This February will be the 35th trip. I don’t have other really close friends, but am so blessed to have had this wonderful woman in my life!
Friends are hard. And moving as a military wife adds to that hardness. I moved in 2020, 2021, and we'll move again this summer. I have to be very intentional with friends as they live on the other side of the world. (I currently live in Okinawa, Japan.) I put notes in my calendar to remind me to call or text. The ladies here are very nice, but most have kids and mine are grown and not living near me at all - So I also have to be intentional here as I don't run into them as I did when I had kids at school and sports.
This is totally unrelated, but my city just got our first Chick-fil-A and I've never had it before. Which *non-fried* items are so fantastic that I must try them? I'm allergic to peanuts (and CFA fries in peanut oil), so I won't be eating any fried items. But send all other recs my way, plz and thank you. :)
My college friends whom we just did a girl weekend in Damascus, VA are the bomb! We have been doing "Girl Weekend" every October for at least 14 years! And before that we would randomly get together! we have a group chat and my notification for it is from Shania Twain "Lets Go Girls" IYKYK!
My daughter turnes 14 today!! Yes 1-4! She is my oldest and I can't even think about High school next fall, except that is all I am thinking about since registration for HS starts next TUESDAY!!
Anyway much love to you all and have a great weekend!
The tweets this week were amazing. Making that first one my whole personality now.
And friends. Oof. Friends have been hard for me most of my life...pretty much since I was 8 and my parents moved me out of the neighborhood where all my friends lived (in their defense, we had outgrown the house, but still).
I've often felt like I wasn't getting invited to things, and it sucked. And all I really wanted was to be sure I was my best friend's favorite (but that's not fair to put on a person, and she was also a person who others just gravitated to, so I never felt secure). As I got older, I decided to be the person who reached out. The worst that could happen was that I didn't get a response, but that wasn't any worse than not getting invited in the first place. From 2015ish to the beginning of 2020, this looked like dinners and a small groups, and honestly, the most friends I'd ever had at one time. But then of course, 2020 happened, and my daughter came to us, and we left our church. Things got hard again. But I decided to still be the one reaching out, even if it looked different, and now, I've reconnected with my childhood best friend, and I talk to friends that I lost contact with a decade ago. I still don't get to be with my friends as often as I'd like, but I talk to them regularly, and don't wait for them to text me.
My college roommates and I keep our friendship alive by meeting up for a Josh Groban concert every couple of years- he was our collective crush when all other men were worthless and continues to be our best guy.
One of my best friends from high school was a guy in my youth group. We had crushes on a sister (him) and brother (me) at a different youth group an hour away, and every week my friend would pick me up and we would drive to this other youth group. We became very close, and even though we are rarely in touch now (30 years later), we can pick up right where we left off. We definitely had some My Best Friend's Wedding vibes after college, but for the most part we were just good sounding boards for each other. I miss him.
My current best friend moved away six years ago, and kudos all go to her for maintaining our friendship over the years. She will not let me slip away, and I'm so blessed by her tenaciousness. I'm rather more passive about friendship, mostly because I'm an introvert and I don't have the energy to keep up with everyone. But I really value having someone in my life who isn't my husband who I can have such an open and vulnerable relationship with, and I'm glad she hasn't given up on me.
I'm so tired of shoveling snow, you guys. Denver has been getting hammered this past month, and usually it all melts off rather quickly, but not this time. Part of my job is keeping the sidewalks clear around our church, and I just want to move to Arizona when I see we've got more snow forecast for this weekend.
Ah, friendships. This has always been a hard one for me. I grew up seeing my parents not really have friends, my dad in particular. I always had a HARD time making friends. Kids can be tough and for a little girl who was socially awkward, didn't live in the right neighborhood and didn't have resources for all the status symbol clothing etc, it was not fun. But when I was 10 our church hired a new pastor and I remember the excitement I had learning that he had a daughter just two years younger than I. The parsonage was just five houses away from mine and I was delighted! We became fast friends and were inseparable until high school when she started dating and I didn't. We had some big blowup -- which I know can't remember the reason--right before I went to college and that kind of shut down the bestie situation. We were friendly all along, bridesmaids in each other's weddings but not maid/matron of honor. Kept in communication but didn't have the opportunity to see each other often. Everything changed when her brother was killed in a freak accident 14 years ago. She called me first and we bawled together for hours. The funeral was 8 hours away and I had smallish children but I knew I needed to go. And so we made arrangements quietly and went. I didn't tell her we were coming because there just wasn't time.The look on her face (and her mom's, too) when we arrived told me everything I needed to know. Our lives are completely different now, I have one grown kid and one almost grown and she has babies. She's a Wall Street lawyer and I'm a seminary student who still isn't quite sure what she wants to be when she grows up. We text often because that's the capacity we both have, but there's no shame in the gaps when they occur. She's my ride or die for sure.
Making friends as adults is it's own special beast, I think. Working in ministry, I've been in my own little silo for so long. I'm friendly with my coworkers and their spouses but we don't hang out. In 2015, my introverted self went to a writing/speaking/leadership conference that was held by the ministry I volunteer with. I met in person individuals whom I had know only virtually through the FB groups we worked in for the ministry. At lunch, I was introduced to a friend of a friend. Later that afternoon, we ended up I n the same session and as she was leaving to pitch a book to a publisher, I offered to pray for her, a VERY bold move on my part. We friended each other on FB and probably two years later, in a season of depression, we began talking weekly. Every Friday for probably 5 years, we chat via FaceTime, catch up on what's going on, pray together and read a chapter of Scripture. We just finished Leviticus last week, Numbers begins in a few minutes. Our goal is to read the entire bible together. 😁 We also attended a few conferences together pre-covid and in two months we'll get to do that again. Grateful for the technology that makes this sort of friendship possible.
If you read all that, thanks! This is my first time really engaging in this community. I kind of feel like I've found my people. 😘
Welcome to New Mexico, Erin!! I do apologize for the crappy weather we’re currently having but have no doubt the food, the views (most of them 😅), and people will make up for it! Hope y’all have a wonderful time!
I have a group of friends some of whom I’ve known since birth and all of them since high school so anywhere from 30-40 years now and they are such a blessing to me! We live in different places and have different routines and schedules some married some not some with kids some not but whenever we all get together it’s like no time has passed!
Also, super glad to know that I’m not the only one who plans their last bite to be the “best bite” I do this with French fries too like which fry is going to give me the most crispy potato goodness. 😊
Happy weekend y’all!
It’s not possible for everyone (or even appealing to some), but staying put and growing deep roots in my city, work, housing, friendships, etc. has been the best decision for me. My closest friends and I have known each other for 20+ years of adulthood (we’re in our early 40s), since we met after college graduation. We’ve been there for each other through a whole lot of life’s ups and downs. I cannot imagine my life without these women.
Friend getaways are amazing. Worth all the effort of logistics, planning, and wrangling schedules and preferences. My college girlfriends try to get together every few years. We have traveled all over the US and even internationally for some incredible adventures. I live in the PNW and they live on the East Coast which makes it extra tricky to coordinate, but it is worth it every time! We are headed to Jackson Hole in May.
I also started an annual tradition of coordinating a reading retreat weekend with local girlfriends in the fall. We find a big ol' AirBnb somewhere with pretty views and spend 48 hours reading, sleeping, chatting, puzzling, napping, and eating lots of charcuterie. No kids, no screens, no wifi. Glorious.
Making these things happen definitely takes effort, time, and planning but the result is always worth it!
I have been loving these on Fridays but life has been off the rails lately so I haven't been able to dive into the comments. There's a lot going on, but sadly my sweet grandma passed away this month, and my mom - who has always hinted she doesn't think I'm actually a Christian, possibly primarily because of my politics - has now decided that my grandma, who identified as Christian and by any reasonable measure would be described as such by anyone else - was not actually Christian because of her deep depression over the last 10 years since my grandpa died, and the fact that she vocalized these thoughts probably more than she wanted to due to having had several strokes.
Basically being a Christian is the only thing that matters to my mom, and she's defined this so narrowly that no one can measure up. I've always suspected this, but this has just made it really clear. I need to figure out how to deal with this going forward if I'm going to try to relate to her on anything beyond a purely superficial level. This may be the thing that finally compels me to go to therapy.
Anyway, Erin, this description of your friends getaway really resonated with me (and I hope you are having a lovely time). In the last few years I've been doing a ton of reflection and work in the area of friendships and it has been so life-giving. I didn't realize for a long time that it was okay to need things from friendship, I think from being socialized female & Christian. I felt worn out in a lot of my friendships, where I felt like I was giving way out of balance of what I was getting back. The friendships I've focused on now feel a lot more balanced in a really good way. I don't know if any of this is making sense or not, but it felt like a huge revelation for me.
To try to end this on a lighter note, I LOVED Three Pines on Amazon. Gamache was exactly how I pictured him. A lot of other things were not how I pictured them, but I really loved it. I would almost describe the show as a great example of how to adapt a book to the screen; I liked it even more for the changes they made. Hope you all find some joy this weekend; hard to believe we are on the back end of January already!
I love that we're talking friendships this week because one of my closest friends who I met in the three-year-olds class in preschool is coming to visit for the weekend! In college, she became great friends with my roommate as well (who just moved to my city about 3 months ago). It was such a tricky adjustment at first, because they had more in common than I had with either of them. I felt left out so often, but adjusting my expectations for both friendships and resisting the urge to compare to their friendship made a huge difference.
I've struggled making close friendships on my own since I moved to a new city by myself five years ago. I have some great acquaintances through my significant other, but it's my sisters and my college roommate & preschool friend who really fill my friendship cup. Working at an office of 6 people, where I am the youngest by a factor of 10 years, really didn't help with the friends-making process. I feel like I'm in a good place now. I'm introverted, so I don't really require a huge circle to feel satisfied in my friendships.
Treasures this week:
On Sunday my former college roommate, preschool bestie and I will be making dumplings for Lunar New Year!
I got a new sweater this week that makes me feel extremely chic.
Y'all I tried liquid IV for the first time after thinking it was an influencer gimmick for years. It's actually good. And because I'm an unapologetically basic woman, I got a new water bottle just for flavored drinks.
I'm almost done reading The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue and I'm eagerly awaiting the point where my mom and sister said all the loose ends will be tied up.
I'm currently weaving my first tapestry. It's very fun, and a great way to use up scrap yarn from knitting projects! I think I'm going to make more and put them up on my Buy Nothing group to treat some people to fun, free decor. It's a great way to pass the time while my significant other watches football.