Hello! I had BIG INTENTIONS AND GOALS this week to do a Q+A but you know me: I overbooked myself in a big way and then got overwhelmed and saved everything in a draft and will try again next week. OKAY THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT. And now for some treasures:
Pray for your vets, folks, because it's going to be a long summer. This week was bananas, not just in terms of busyness but also just a lot of emotional labor I do not have the bandwidth for. I am also incredibly behind on my admin stuff because once I finally have a minute to do it I find I have the attention span of a goldfish.
I posted here about hurting my back when I fell off my porch a couple of weeks ago. I feel much better but still have some pain and stiffness and have a hard time lifting heavy things, which is really throwing a wrench in my "start packing early to make the move easier" plan.
Commenting a little late in the day, but for anyone who reads this Friday evening/Saturday/next week - hello! 😊
Last week was my 28th birthday, so my husband and I spent Thursday and Friday at Catalina Island - which was just lovely. I also enjoy my birthday more than I have in (probably since I was a kid?) mostly because I lowered my expectations. I usually end up a little disappointed on my birthday because my expectations are ~ridiculously~ high (like, I want every bit of the day to feel perfectly magical and if I din't hear from everyone who loves me I will be a little sad). This year I finally said, well this is DUMB. So I went and had reasonable expectations and had a LOVELY day. Who knew? 😂🥳
Highlight of the trip was seeing a pod of 50 dolphins(!!) (for just a few minutes) on our way over! Low was spending $20 on a very sugary (and not very good) frozen Piña Colada. Why did that sound like an okay price at the time?? 🤣
Turd of the week is that I'm feeling some major disappointment in the job-search sphere. I shared that my husband left his (well paying, but bad for his mental health) job in December, so he's been out of work for 6 months. We must have been overly optimistic, because we did not think it would take this long for him to get hired. He's put in SO MANY applications, and it's just... crickets.
Yesterday was particularly tough because I applied for an Assistant Chaplain job at a different university (a job that I checked every box they asked for and would be perfect for and would really enjoy!) only to hear back that I didn't even get an interview. WOOF.
So I will absolutely covet your prayers in the job search department! I am a natural optimist, but have been feeling pretty pessimistic as of late. I did joke with my husband that if we just decided to have kids right this minute, he could go from being a "househusband" straight to a Stay-at-home-Dad. 😂
As Erin Spatz said earlier, sending so much love to "my favorite internet gang in all the land!"
I think I have never commented here before, but I might be lying and not know it because #pandemicteaching.
Anyway, today was my last day of working for the year and I am so tired and relieved and maybe feel like I understand what people returning home from war feel like? Too far. But you understand.
BUT! That is not what brought me to comment here today. After I *finally* left school today, I opened Instagram to a notification that A former student had tagged me in a story. Which consisted of a picture of a card I wrote her in 2014. With the most affirming sentence (a single sentence!) I’ve ever read as it relates to teaching. I’m a whole puddle of tears. This was exactly what I needed today.
All of which is to say, if you’re wondering if it’s weird if you tag that person or too out of the blue reach out to that person or too late mention that tiny thing from years ago, this is your sign to not worry and DO IT. 💗
My city planner daughter (a big time allergy sufferer) would like to defend her fellow planners and share that city planners don’t chose the foliage. That would be the folks at public works or the parks department.
This is so our of my comfort zone, but I'm realizing I need more friends, and Erin says you can make IRL friends on the internet, so here goes...
Is there anyone on here who is from the Seattle area who wants to be an internet-(hopefully)-turned-IRL-friend? I live in Shoreline, and I'm a 40-something mom of 2 "tweens", but I love people who are different from me, so you don't have to have kids or a husband to hang out.
These last two weeks have been WEIRD. On the one hand, there’s been elation at being fully vaccinated and on the other, reentry is ROUGH. From the few comments I’ve already read, it looks like maybe I’m not alone and that helps. ❤️
Treasures: The decision to rejoin the Y and have outside pool access this summer. It still makes me nervous with young kids who can’t be vaccinated, but since it’s outside, we’re doing it. Pools are pretty much the only way I can outside in a South Carolina summer.
My MIL retired a couple months ago and asked if she can take my kids to “G-ma Camp” one day a week. Today is the first day!
Mixed bag: My son won’t be straight mainstreaming into kindergarten like we had hoped. He will be slowly acclimating instead.
We went to see friends a week ago and I think I had a panic attack ahead of time. It turned out to be fun and fine, but I am nervous it will happen again.
Turd: I’m a Liberty University alum and the reporting coming out about how sexual assault has been/is handled on campus has made me so angry and heartbroken. I knew it wasn’t good, but to hear just HOW bad it was and apparently still is has been crushing.
1. My husband bought me a nespresso machine for my birthday and this has forever changed my home coffee drinking. The coffee is just so much better than the k-cups. Also, where nespresso ships from is apparently in my neck of the woods, so ordering pods is a 2 day process. One day to order, one day to ship, then they show up at my door. I legit ordered some on 6/2 and the new pods are arriving today.
2. My in-laws are keeping my toddler overnight Saturday night so my husband and I can have a date night. He has had some separation anxiety issues around sleep. Bedtime itself is not a problem, he just does not want to be alone in his room. He has never had sleep issues before, so at almost 2 years old, this is new for us. I'm very excited for a night with no issues. And god bless my MIL. I told her that he was having sleep problems and if she would rather come to our house we could do that instead. She said with a laugh, "He is my 17th grandchild, I can handle this. You bring him over here for the night." I definitely lucked out in the in-law department. Especially since my family lives 2400 miles away.
3. For those of you who have a Peloton, I am in the "hardCORE on the floor" facebook group. The admin puts out a monthly strength calendar and that has really helped me with my strength workouts. I have not seen much movement on the scale, but my clothes fit so much better. I'm excited to see how this keeps progressing.
4. We leave for family vacation in just under 60 days and I am so so so excited.
5. Feeling very fortunate for my dad. He is a greenskeeper for a golf course and was working on one of the golf carts and in a freak accident, got battery acid in one of his eyes along with some debris. Thankful for no loss of vision and only some minor abrasions, he should fully recover in a couple of weeks.
This is my first time commenting, and I'm just really happy to be here. I've been lurking in the comments for a few weeks and finally have a bit of space to share.
I'm a fresh mom of two, my daughter just having turned 12 weeks on Wednesday and my son turning 2.5 this month. And honestly, having two is way freaking harder than I ever thought it would be. I'm perma exhausted. It's just my underlying state at all times. It's so hard and I feel so isolated most of the time. My husband is a teacher and we've been fortunate to have him home and teaching virtually all school year (I was so thankful he wasn't teaching in person throughout my pregnancy and now the newborn phase) but honestly, I do not know how I would have survived if he hadn't been just "around" to pop in and out with the kids. It's a lot. I've fought a lot of self-doubt and feeling like a failure as a mom because it's just so hard.
This past weekend we did an outdoor dinner with my mother-in-law and a few people from my husband's side of the family. It was the first time we've visited with the baby because most of them are choosing not to get vaccinated. We made the hard choice that were not allowing anyone who is unvaccinated to hold her, but surprisingly it wasn't awkward. I was thankful for that, even though I'm really anxious about re-entry and didn't realize how much anxiety I had until recently. I'm just mentally exhausted from trying to analyze risk and figure out how to mitigate that on behalf of my young children, you know? And I'm just over it.
In the midst of the hard, some things have definitely buoyed me. Some treasures!
I honestly only downloaded Peacock to try Girls5Eva (tbh was super disappointed and I feel it doesn't live up to the hype) but discovered the gem of happiness that is Escape to the Château. British ex-pats, husband and wife Dick and Angel buy this huge, decrepit French château and slowly restore it to it's glory days. It's calming in the same vein of the Great British Bake-Off and Dick and Angel are just charming. I find myself grinning as they tease each other, I love watching Dick's engineering mind at work, and Angel has a true penchant for all things vintage. It's a delightful show and I am savoring it one episode at a time.
Last weekend I threw on my Bluetooth headphones, queued up and episode of This American Life, and baked some cookies. It was pure bliss. I took my time, enjoyed not having a tiny human on my person, and the cookies were delicious. Highly recommended this experience.
Lastly, I finally gave in and asked for a Kindle for my 30th birthday (coming up in a few weeks....eek). I've really focused on re-establishing a reading habit since last year, and because our library has been closed, I've been reading soooooo many eBooks. My Kindle came this weekend and I LOVE IT. I'm also glad I just told my husband what I wanted instead of hoped he'd figure it out on his own haha.
Lastly, I'll leave you with this way-too-relatable TikTok a friend sent me this week. So relatable it hurts.
Good morning! My life is circling around back pain and trips to the chiropractor, so I don't have much going on in my world other than that. I have been doing a lot of resting, reading, and enjoying my last work-from-home week before switching to in-person work on Monday for the first time since last March (other than an occasional day here or there.) An aside: they announced a business casual dress code for the summer yesterday, which allows us to wear jeans on Fridays...but it's a college campus and we all wear jeans all the time anyway? Don't they know we have all been pandemic snacking for 6 months and none of us fit into our fancy pants anymore?
Books I finished and liked in the last week:
-The Greatest Beer Run Ever by John "Chick" Donahue - A quick memoir about Vietnam and camaraderie. This sparked a couple of good conversations with my dad, a former history teacher and Vietnam Vet, leading to him telling me some stories about his life there.
- You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey by Amber Ruffin - This was so great on audio, although I definitely missed some of the pics that were included in the hard copy. Just...if you know anyone who thinks we live in a post racial society, hand them this book.
- Gold Diggers by Sanjena Sathian - Part magical realism, part coming of age, part complicated family story
My parents will celebrate their 50th anniversary tomorrow, which is WILD. I ordered a giant, obnoxious yard sign, and a life size cut out of them walking down the aisle, and we will have a lovely little party for them in a few weeks.
Enjoy your weekend, swipes! May you find treasures galore!
I just had a very unexpected and unplanned power cry.
Obviously my body needed this in a big way.
I watched this trailer for a documentary about Anthony Bourdain (who I loved and still love) and yeah I had to leave my desk and cry. So if I look like a mix of Claire Danes and an Albino Yoda, well that's why. I am NOT a pretty crier.
Last night my husband and I had a big discussion about how to navigate the future, because his office is developing a back to office plan starting in July and how we are going to go navigate our kids being home, etc. Because guess what? As much as we want normal to return, I'm not comfortable going back to paying insane summer day care bills or even the AM pick-up day care for our 8 year old. But I'm also not comfortable having our 14 year old home with him for any time longer than "x." Sure, when I was 14 I was babysitting half our neighborhood and also managing the care of my siblings who were 8 and 7, but I don't want to put that on my son. The responsibilities of 1990 me vs my son, its a whole thing I am really struggling with. So Darin and I are going to have to have some tough discussions with our bosses about how to WFH in the mornings for school year 2021-22 so that we can get our son on the bus.
I also started crying about how I'm not doing well with work stress and how I'm so scared that at 44 I'm too old to change things. I'm just sort of managing from issue to issue and stress to stress. It's been really hard 2020-present. I thought I was doing okay. But you guys, I'm not. I can admit that now. I'm a big loud 8 who is admitting my issue. I'm middle-aged with only one degree and the workforce is weird right now. I'm already in a rather inflexible situation and to have to start over someplace else at the bottom of the ladder is so hard to do. I am looking at internal job postings, but they are few and far between. And the nonreply when you do reach out about something is the worst.
It's a lot.
I'm trying to deal with a lot.
And yes, also trying to find time for therapy. Finally. I had a sort of resource pre-Pandemic at work with a coaching system we had here, but that disappeared when we needed it most. Whether it be an online therapy provider or start to audition local therapy providers (which I'm really not in a place to do right now).
I would explain all this via Marco Polo to the amazing group of Swipers I talk to on the daily, but again, I'd just end up having big gulpy "how do I do all this?" cry moments. Why don't I feel more together as of late. I mean I got through this whole ding-dang pandemic and I'm still getting through it, but maybe the wall I thought I hit was just the hurdle leading to the wall of burnout.
It's because of this that I'm staying home with Linc and not going out of town for a very hot day of Baseball tomorrow. (It's 90s all week here in MN) I told Darin I need to say no to that and get our ducks in a row at home to get more balance going into the last week of school and the beginning of summer break. I cannot keep being pulled like "Mel Armstrong" and then him wondering "why are you so angry?" --- Spoiler alert: Anger is my default emotion to hide fear, shame, being overwhelmed, feeling like I'm not doing enough, feeling like what I am doing isn't the level of 'Good' it should be, aaaand the evil cycle of overthinking that is why I double my dose of melatonin as of late.
So
There. That's me.
I haven't been around in the comments because I guess once I start talking about things, WElllllll *gestures towards this novella*
But the treasures
1. Central Air
2. Clean sheets and the feeling of a well made bed after a long day
3. Good cheese
4. Starting a new journal
5. Buying VIP tickets for an event in October with my bestie
6. Saying no where I can, admitting limits, SO SO SO hard for me.
7. Binging tv where I can without shame: Cruel Summer is so dang good. The week before it was The Wilds
8. The exhale after a power cry. Weird, but needed.
9. Having honest conversations
10. Sending love via Venmo
I love all of your treasures. And I want to support everyone through all their rides on the Struggle Bus. You are all powerful. You are all luminous. Let's keep shining through our storms.
I love having this to look forward to on Fridays ... thank you, Erin! :)
Today is the kids' last day of school; my job is also during the school year, so the first few weeks of summer are always kind of a wild transition for me being with the kids all the time. It's my youngest's last day of preschool, and I am very excited feeling like we're moving out of the baby years and into a new phase. :)
A treasure - I love rhubarb, and now that it's in season, my husband is making these rhubarbaritas - so delicious!! We add extra lime juice to make it extra tart :)
Hello! I don't know if I told you, Erin, but the chocolate mousse recipe you shared with me a while back is ACTUAL heaven in a refrigerated container. A bit more work than I imagined but totally worth it.
Hello Friends! What a hard week! After a nice and pretty relaxing weekend at the alpaca farm, I just had the worst week. Nothing particularly bad happened, but I felt physically sick. Headaches, neck pain ---basically I had a chronic pain flare-up. I just took it hour by hour this week, making sure that lunches and dinners were made and my kids were sufficiently cared for until I could get them into bed and I could collapse into my own.
I meet my therapist today for the first time IRL. I've been seeing her for a ew months but I've never met her. I hope it's not more awkward to be in the same room with her. I haven't finished my hwk she assigned me of putting my major life things on a list and deciding which ones I want to change and what would happen if i did. I am on here instead😂. Therapy hwk is the hardest hwk I've ever done and I've done a lot of schooling. I have a Ph.D - so i'm not kidding!
I am always late on this, but I cannot figure out what I want to do this summer. We don't have a ton of money laying around for vacations but I could drive somewhere. I live in the Detroit area and I've gone just about everywhere within a reasonable driving distance from here, but I'd like try something new and also not spend a million dollars on plane tickets. I was thinking the boston area since it's near the ocean. It is 11 hours away so two long days in the car. I am not so sure how to plan the road trip to be fun and not be hard on me or the kids since I'll likely be doing this alone. Then I panic and decide maybe I should stay in Michigan and take them to Lake Michigan but there are no more rentals left. You seriously have to book a year in advance and I never do so here we are. With no plans, just anxiety. I think my need to do things because of existential issues (TIME IS RUNNING OUT) is compatible with my inability to plan ahead. So here I sit unsure of what to do. It's sort of funny actually.
Off to walk my dog who just nipped my sister yesterday for no real reason other than he was maybe protecting a toy?? That situation isn't getting better either!
P.S. Those of you who wondered about the alpaca farm trip. It was good. Relaxing! Nothing to do, there happened to be kittens in the barn so that kept the kids occupied so I could read. No wifi (none that worked anyway) and no TV. The 1870 log cabin was so dark inside even with all the windows so I spent all my time outdoors. Perfect cool but sunny weather. I got a suntan on JUST my ankles between where my pants ended and my shoe started which sucks. I just look like I forgot to wash my ankles LOL. There really weren't too many spiders that I saw but because it's a log cabin and you have to go outside of the cabin to use the shower and bathroom (it's attached but not from inside the cabin), it's not super good at keeping the outside out. There were a few stink bugs hanging around and the corners did have some cobwebs - but I suppose that is part of the charm. It was a unique getaway. But there really is not much to do and alpacas are NOT cuddly and are very scared of humans. And they spit. My daughter pet one that was in a mood and as she ran off, it turned and spit on my son who just happened to be standing there. Spitting is their defense mechanism I guess? I can understand I guess. I remember a couple occasions when my dad was mad and he went out in the yard to mutter curse words to himself while spitting on the ground lol. Old Lebanese Dads and Alpacas have something in common i guess. Here's the link to that airbnb in case you want to dream about your own Laura Ingalls getaway:
Seriously Erin, how did you know that just two evenings ago I was looking at my back in the mirror and fretting over what's going on back there? Is Siri listening in and reporting directly to you? *immediately places order for bacne spray*
Today I'm sitting on my patio, enjoying an iced coffee and surveying my pretty plants and flowers (only some of which I appear to be killing 😉). Like Erin, I too am overbooked and overwhelmed, but at this very moment, life is pretty great! 😎
My nephew got engaged last week! He was born two days before my 19th birthday and he turned 19 this year. I'm so happy for him, she's a great girl, they've been dating for a long time and they're great together. But oh my goodness, he's still just a tiny little baby, you know? (And if I'm being perfectly honest there's probably a small part of me that hoped I might get married before my nephews did 😂) Anyway, last weekend I got to spend two days with my sister and her family and being around some of my favorite people, laughing and talking, after being isolated for so long was all kinds of awesome and a huge treasure! 😊
Pray for your vets, folks, because it's going to be a long summer. This week was bananas, not just in terms of busyness but also just a lot of emotional labor I do not have the bandwidth for. I am also incredibly behind on my admin stuff because once I finally have a minute to do it I find I have the attention span of a goldfish.
I posted here about hurting my back when I fell off my porch a couple of weeks ago. I feel much better but still have some pain and stiffness and have a hard time lifting heavy things, which is really throwing a wrench in my "start packing early to make the move easier" plan.
I am at this moment watching an American Masters episode of PBS about this group: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Ballets_Trockadero_de_Monte_Carlo
This is shaping up to be a great decision.
Hi friends!
Commenting a little late in the day, but for anyone who reads this Friday evening/Saturday/next week - hello! 😊
Last week was my 28th birthday, so my husband and I spent Thursday and Friday at Catalina Island - which was just lovely. I also enjoy my birthday more than I have in (probably since I was a kid?) mostly because I lowered my expectations. I usually end up a little disappointed on my birthday because my expectations are ~ridiculously~ high (like, I want every bit of the day to feel perfectly magical and if I din't hear from everyone who loves me I will be a little sad). This year I finally said, well this is DUMB. So I went and had reasonable expectations and had a LOVELY day. Who knew? 😂🥳
Highlight of the trip was seeing a pod of 50 dolphins(!!) (for just a few minutes) on our way over! Low was spending $20 on a very sugary (and not very good) frozen Piña Colada. Why did that sound like an okay price at the time?? 🤣
Turd of the week is that I'm feeling some major disappointment in the job-search sphere. I shared that my husband left his (well paying, but bad for his mental health) job in December, so he's been out of work for 6 months. We must have been overly optimistic, because we did not think it would take this long for him to get hired. He's put in SO MANY applications, and it's just... crickets.
Yesterday was particularly tough because I applied for an Assistant Chaplain job at a different university (a job that I checked every box they asked for and would be perfect for and would really enjoy!) only to hear back that I didn't even get an interview. WOOF.
So I will absolutely covet your prayers in the job search department! I am a natural optimist, but have been feeling pretty pessimistic as of late. I did joke with my husband that if we just decided to have kids right this minute, he could go from being a "househusband" straight to a Stay-at-home-Dad. 😂
As Erin Spatz said earlier, sending so much love to "my favorite internet gang in all the land!"
💜💜💜
I think I have never commented here before, but I might be lying and not know it because #pandemicteaching.
Anyway, today was my last day of working for the year and I am so tired and relieved and maybe feel like I understand what people returning home from war feel like? Too far. But you understand.
BUT! That is not what brought me to comment here today. After I *finally* left school today, I opened Instagram to a notification that A former student had tagged me in a story. Which consisted of a picture of a card I wrote her in 2014. With the most affirming sentence (a single sentence!) I’ve ever read as it relates to teaching. I’m a whole puddle of tears. This was exactly what I needed today.
All of which is to say, if you’re wondering if it’s weird if you tag that person or too out of the blue reach out to that person or too late mention that tiny thing from years ago, this is your sign to not worry and DO IT. 💗
My city planner daughter (a big time allergy sufferer) would like to defend her fellow planners and share that city planners don’t chose the foliage. That would be the folks at public works or the parks department.
Thank you all for your time and goodnight 😘 😂
Erin Moon! You mean I'm NOT the only person on earth who dreads the arrival of summer because of bacne?
Good morning lil Swipes!
This is so our of my comfort zone, but I'm realizing I need more friends, and Erin says you can make IRL friends on the internet, so here goes...
Is there anyone on here who is from the Seattle area who wants to be an internet-(hopefully)-turned-IRL-friend? I live in Shoreline, and I'm a 40-something mom of 2 "tweens", but I love people who are different from me, so you don't have to have kids or a husband to hang out.
These last two weeks have been WEIRD. On the one hand, there’s been elation at being fully vaccinated and on the other, reentry is ROUGH. From the few comments I’ve already read, it looks like maybe I’m not alone and that helps. ❤️
Treasures: The decision to rejoin the Y and have outside pool access this summer. It still makes me nervous with young kids who can’t be vaccinated, but since it’s outside, we’re doing it. Pools are pretty much the only way I can outside in a South Carolina summer.
My MIL retired a couple months ago and asked if she can take my kids to “G-ma Camp” one day a week. Today is the first day!
Mixed bag: My son won’t be straight mainstreaming into kindergarten like we had hoped. He will be slowly acclimating instead.
We went to see friends a week ago and I think I had a panic attack ahead of time. It turned out to be fun and fine, but I am nervous it will happen again.
Turd: I’m a Liberty University alum and the reporting coming out about how sexual assault has been/is handled on campus has made me so angry and heartbroken. I knew it wasn’t good, but to hear just HOW bad it was and apparently still is has been crushing.
Happy Friday, Swipes!
A few of treasures:
1. My husband bought me a nespresso machine for my birthday and this has forever changed my home coffee drinking. The coffee is just so much better than the k-cups. Also, where nespresso ships from is apparently in my neck of the woods, so ordering pods is a 2 day process. One day to order, one day to ship, then they show up at my door. I legit ordered some on 6/2 and the new pods are arriving today.
2. My in-laws are keeping my toddler overnight Saturday night so my husband and I can have a date night. He has had some separation anxiety issues around sleep. Bedtime itself is not a problem, he just does not want to be alone in his room. He has never had sleep issues before, so at almost 2 years old, this is new for us. I'm very excited for a night with no issues. And god bless my MIL. I told her that he was having sleep problems and if she would rather come to our house we could do that instead. She said with a laugh, "He is my 17th grandchild, I can handle this. You bring him over here for the night." I definitely lucked out in the in-law department. Especially since my family lives 2400 miles away.
3. For those of you who have a Peloton, I am in the "hardCORE on the floor" facebook group. The admin puts out a monthly strength calendar and that has really helped me with my strength workouts. I have not seen much movement on the scale, but my clothes fit so much better. I'm excited to see how this keeps progressing.
4. We leave for family vacation in just under 60 days and I am so so so excited.
5. Feeling very fortunate for my dad. He is a greenskeeper for a golf course and was working on one of the golf carts and in a freak accident, got battery acid in one of his eyes along with some debris. Thankful for no loss of vision and only some minor abrasions, he should fully recover in a couple of weeks.
Hello!
This is my first time commenting, and I'm just really happy to be here. I've been lurking in the comments for a few weeks and finally have a bit of space to share.
I'm a fresh mom of two, my daughter just having turned 12 weeks on Wednesday and my son turning 2.5 this month. And honestly, having two is way freaking harder than I ever thought it would be. I'm perma exhausted. It's just my underlying state at all times. It's so hard and I feel so isolated most of the time. My husband is a teacher and we've been fortunate to have him home and teaching virtually all school year (I was so thankful he wasn't teaching in person throughout my pregnancy and now the newborn phase) but honestly, I do not know how I would have survived if he hadn't been just "around" to pop in and out with the kids. It's a lot. I've fought a lot of self-doubt and feeling like a failure as a mom because it's just so hard.
This past weekend we did an outdoor dinner with my mother-in-law and a few people from my husband's side of the family. It was the first time we've visited with the baby because most of them are choosing not to get vaccinated. We made the hard choice that were not allowing anyone who is unvaccinated to hold her, but surprisingly it wasn't awkward. I was thankful for that, even though I'm really anxious about re-entry and didn't realize how much anxiety I had until recently. I'm just mentally exhausted from trying to analyze risk and figure out how to mitigate that on behalf of my young children, you know? And I'm just over it.
In the midst of the hard, some things have definitely buoyed me. Some treasures!
I honestly only downloaded Peacock to try Girls5Eva (tbh was super disappointed and I feel it doesn't live up to the hype) but discovered the gem of happiness that is Escape to the Château. British ex-pats, husband and wife Dick and Angel buy this huge, decrepit French château and slowly restore it to it's glory days. It's calming in the same vein of the Great British Bake-Off and Dick and Angel are just charming. I find myself grinning as they tease each other, I love watching Dick's engineering mind at work, and Angel has a true penchant for all things vintage. It's a delightful show and I am savoring it one episode at a time.
Last weekend I threw on my Bluetooth headphones, queued up and episode of This American Life, and baked some cookies. It was pure bliss. I took my time, enjoyed not having a tiny human on my person, and the cookies were delicious. Highly recommended this experience.
Lastly, I finally gave in and asked for a Kindle for my 30th birthday (coming up in a few weeks....eek). I've really focused on re-establishing a reading habit since last year, and because our library has been closed, I've been reading soooooo many eBooks. My Kindle came this weekend and I LOVE IT. I'm also glad I just told my husband what I wanted instead of hoped he'd figure it out on his own haha.
Lastly, I'll leave you with this way-too-relatable TikTok a friend sent me this week. So relatable it hurts.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMewCUq7K/
Really looking forward to getting to know all you Lil Swipes! Have a wonderful weekend. 🤗
Good morning! My life is circling around back pain and trips to the chiropractor, so I don't have much going on in my world other than that. I have been doing a lot of resting, reading, and enjoying my last work-from-home week before switching to in-person work on Monday for the first time since last March (other than an occasional day here or there.) An aside: they announced a business casual dress code for the summer yesterday, which allows us to wear jeans on Fridays...but it's a college campus and we all wear jeans all the time anyway? Don't they know we have all been pandemic snacking for 6 months and none of us fit into our fancy pants anymore?
Books I finished and liked in the last week:
-The Greatest Beer Run Ever by John "Chick" Donahue - A quick memoir about Vietnam and camaraderie. This sparked a couple of good conversations with my dad, a former history teacher and Vietnam Vet, leading to him telling me some stories about his life there.
- You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey by Amber Ruffin - This was so great on audio, although I definitely missed some of the pics that were included in the hard copy. Just...if you know anyone who thinks we live in a post racial society, hand them this book.
- Gold Diggers by Sanjena Sathian - Part magical realism, part coming of age, part complicated family story
My parents will celebrate their 50th anniversary tomorrow, which is WILD. I ordered a giant, obnoxious yard sign, and a life size cut out of them walking down the aisle, and we will have a lovely little party for them in a few weeks.
Enjoy your weekend, swipes! May you find treasures galore!
So oof.
I just had a very unexpected and unplanned power cry.
Obviously my body needed this in a big way.
I watched this trailer for a documentary about Anthony Bourdain (who I loved and still love) and yeah I had to leave my desk and cry. So if I look like a mix of Claire Danes and an Albino Yoda, well that's why. I am NOT a pretty crier.
https://youtu.be/ihEEjwRlghQ
Last night my husband and I had a big discussion about how to navigate the future, because his office is developing a back to office plan starting in July and how we are going to go navigate our kids being home, etc. Because guess what? As much as we want normal to return, I'm not comfortable going back to paying insane summer day care bills or even the AM pick-up day care for our 8 year old. But I'm also not comfortable having our 14 year old home with him for any time longer than "x." Sure, when I was 14 I was babysitting half our neighborhood and also managing the care of my siblings who were 8 and 7, but I don't want to put that on my son. The responsibilities of 1990 me vs my son, its a whole thing I am really struggling with. So Darin and I are going to have to have some tough discussions with our bosses about how to WFH in the mornings for school year 2021-22 so that we can get our son on the bus.
I also started crying about how I'm not doing well with work stress and how I'm so scared that at 44 I'm too old to change things. I'm just sort of managing from issue to issue and stress to stress. It's been really hard 2020-present. I thought I was doing okay. But you guys, I'm not. I can admit that now. I'm a big loud 8 who is admitting my issue. I'm middle-aged with only one degree and the workforce is weird right now. I'm already in a rather inflexible situation and to have to start over someplace else at the bottom of the ladder is so hard to do. I am looking at internal job postings, but they are few and far between. And the nonreply when you do reach out about something is the worst.
It's a lot.
I'm trying to deal with a lot.
And yes, also trying to find time for therapy. Finally. I had a sort of resource pre-Pandemic at work with a coaching system we had here, but that disappeared when we needed it most. Whether it be an online therapy provider or start to audition local therapy providers (which I'm really not in a place to do right now).
I would explain all this via Marco Polo to the amazing group of Swipers I talk to on the daily, but again, I'd just end up having big gulpy "how do I do all this?" cry moments. Why don't I feel more together as of late. I mean I got through this whole ding-dang pandemic and I'm still getting through it, but maybe the wall I thought I hit was just the hurdle leading to the wall of burnout.
It's because of this that I'm staying home with Linc and not going out of town for a very hot day of Baseball tomorrow. (It's 90s all week here in MN) I told Darin I need to say no to that and get our ducks in a row at home to get more balance going into the last week of school and the beginning of summer break. I cannot keep being pulled like "Mel Armstrong" and then him wondering "why are you so angry?" --- Spoiler alert: Anger is my default emotion to hide fear, shame, being overwhelmed, feeling like I'm not doing enough, feeling like what I am doing isn't the level of 'Good' it should be, aaaand the evil cycle of overthinking that is why I double my dose of melatonin as of late.
So
There. That's me.
I haven't been around in the comments because I guess once I start talking about things, WElllllll *gestures towards this novella*
But the treasures
1. Central Air
2. Clean sheets and the feeling of a well made bed after a long day
3. Good cheese
4. Starting a new journal
5. Buying VIP tickets for an event in October with my bestie
6. Saying no where I can, admitting limits, SO SO SO hard for me.
7. Binging tv where I can without shame: Cruel Summer is so dang good. The week before it was The Wilds
8. The exhale after a power cry. Weird, but needed.
9. Having honest conversations
10. Sending love via Venmo
I love all of your treasures. And I want to support everyone through all their rides on the Struggle Bus. You are all powerful. You are all luminous. Let's keep shining through our storms.
Mel
I love having this to look forward to on Fridays ... thank you, Erin! :)
Today is the kids' last day of school; my job is also during the school year, so the first few weeks of summer are always kind of a wild transition for me being with the kids all the time. It's my youngest's last day of preschool, and I am very excited feeling like we're moving out of the baby years and into a new phase. :)
A treasure - I love rhubarb, and now that it's in season, my husband is making these rhubarbaritas - so delicious!! We add extra lime juice to make it extra tart :)
https://www.splendidtable.org/story/2007/11/03/rhubarbarita
Hello! I don't know if I told you, Erin, but the chocolate mousse recipe you shared with me a while back is ACTUAL heaven in a refrigerated container. A bit more work than I imagined but totally worth it.
Hello Friends! What a hard week! After a nice and pretty relaxing weekend at the alpaca farm, I just had the worst week. Nothing particularly bad happened, but I felt physically sick. Headaches, neck pain ---basically I had a chronic pain flare-up. I just took it hour by hour this week, making sure that lunches and dinners were made and my kids were sufficiently cared for until I could get them into bed and I could collapse into my own.
I meet my therapist today for the first time IRL. I've been seeing her for a ew months but I've never met her. I hope it's not more awkward to be in the same room with her. I haven't finished my hwk she assigned me of putting my major life things on a list and deciding which ones I want to change and what would happen if i did. I am on here instead😂. Therapy hwk is the hardest hwk I've ever done and I've done a lot of schooling. I have a Ph.D - so i'm not kidding!
I am always late on this, but I cannot figure out what I want to do this summer. We don't have a ton of money laying around for vacations but I could drive somewhere. I live in the Detroit area and I've gone just about everywhere within a reasonable driving distance from here, but I'd like try something new and also not spend a million dollars on plane tickets. I was thinking the boston area since it's near the ocean. It is 11 hours away so two long days in the car. I am not so sure how to plan the road trip to be fun and not be hard on me or the kids since I'll likely be doing this alone. Then I panic and decide maybe I should stay in Michigan and take them to Lake Michigan but there are no more rentals left. You seriously have to book a year in advance and I never do so here we are. With no plans, just anxiety. I think my need to do things because of existential issues (TIME IS RUNNING OUT) is compatible with my inability to plan ahead. So here I sit unsure of what to do. It's sort of funny actually.
Off to walk my dog who just nipped my sister yesterday for no real reason other than he was maybe protecting a toy?? That situation isn't getting better either!
P.S. Those of you who wondered about the alpaca farm trip. It was good. Relaxing! Nothing to do, there happened to be kittens in the barn so that kept the kids occupied so I could read. No wifi (none that worked anyway) and no TV. The 1870 log cabin was so dark inside even with all the windows so I spent all my time outdoors. Perfect cool but sunny weather. I got a suntan on JUST my ankles between where my pants ended and my shoe started which sucks. I just look like I forgot to wash my ankles LOL. There really weren't too many spiders that I saw but because it's a log cabin and you have to go outside of the cabin to use the shower and bathroom (it's attached but not from inside the cabin), it's not super good at keeping the outside out. There were a few stink bugs hanging around and the corners did have some cobwebs - but I suppose that is part of the charm. It was a unique getaway. But there really is not much to do and alpacas are NOT cuddly and are very scared of humans. And they spit. My daughter pet one that was in a mood and as she ran off, it turned and spit on my son who just happened to be standing there. Spitting is their defense mechanism I guess? I can understand I guess. I remember a couple occasions when my dad was mad and he went out in the yard to mutter curse words to himself while spitting on the ground lol. Old Lebanese Dads and Alpacas have something in common i guess. Here's the link to that airbnb in case you want to dream about your own Laura Ingalls getaway:
https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/22596633?source_impression_id=p3_1622813301_o9xhASrJV9Vg5lfN&guests=1&adults=1
Have a good weekend all!! Excited to read what everyone else has going on.
-Mona
Seriously Erin, how did you know that just two evenings ago I was looking at my back in the mirror and fretting over what's going on back there? Is Siri listening in and reporting directly to you? *immediately places order for bacne spray*
Hello, my lovely Swipes! How are you?
Today I'm sitting on my patio, enjoying an iced coffee and surveying my pretty plants and flowers (only some of which I appear to be killing 😉). Like Erin, I too am overbooked and overwhelmed, but at this very moment, life is pretty great! 😎
My nephew got engaged last week! He was born two days before my 19th birthday and he turned 19 this year. I'm so happy for him, she's a great girl, they've been dating for a long time and they're great together. But oh my goodness, he's still just a tiny little baby, you know? (And if I'm being perfectly honest there's probably a small part of me that hoped I might get married before my nephews did 😂) Anyway, last weekend I got to spend two days with my sister and her family and being around some of my favorite people, laughing and talking, after being isolated for so long was all kinds of awesome and a huge treasure! 😊
Have a great weekend everyone!