🍑 The Co-op #23: Rethinking Sex Post-Purity Culture

How do you re-program your brain and body to have a healthy mentality around sex and pleasure?

What is The Co-op?

It’s no secret the Swipe Up community is one of the best corners of the World Wide Web, and that is because of you. Since a girl’s girl doesn’t gatekeep, it would be wrong of me to hoard all that goodness for myself when we could be using our powers for the benefit of one another. Thus, the Co-op was born. Have a puzzling co-worker dilemma or a weird landlord or landmine faith question? Together we lasso the power of the Lil Swipes Hive Mind to help one another with our tricky conundrums and provide helpful judgment-free answers or suggestions. Like Wonder Woman, but a lot of us and with comfier pants.

How does it work?

Every so often, I gather questions from the Lil Swipes and choose one to post (you can submit your own question by clicking the button below). We then open up the comments and watch as the wisdom and experience roll right on in. Maybe you recently listened to a podcast episode that would be helpful, or you walked through something similar, or your job happens to make you an expert in the field! Maybe you made a mistake in your own life and you want to share how you learned what not to do. Or maybe you just want to lurk in the comments because you have the same question. The Co-op is part tool, part crowdsourcing advice, and part “oh thank goodness I am not alone.”

Today’s question is from Anonymous!

I think like many of your readers, I grew up in evangelical purity culture and it messed me up good. I’ve been married for almost 20 years, and I would not say I feel very confident around the topic of sex at all, which is embarrassing for a woman in her mid-forties, but here we are. I would love to hear from others how they’ve managed to re-program their brains and bodies to have a healthy mentality around sex as a boring person in a straight, monogamous marriage. Will I always feel wrong or bad or shameful? Will I always feel like I’m (this sounds ridiculous, but I can’t think of a better word) a wanton for wanting to experience pleasure? How do I get out of my head? I feel like my marriage is pretty good, but this is a tough spot that we can’t seem to get in sync on. Would love any wisdom and/or practical advice!

Photo by Zoshua Colah on Unsplash

Reminders/Grains of Salt:

Don’t be judge-y or creepy.
Keep each other’s confidence well.
Resources, wisdom, experience, and general solidarity are all welcomed.
Disrespectful comments will be deleted post haste.
Even though we’re sharing personal struggles here, we’re probably not privy to the whole story.
We’re not anyone’s pastor or therapist, just well-meaning internet strangers.

Take a look at previous Co-op posts:

⛪️ The Co-op #1: Helping Your Kids with Questions of Faith
🌆 The Co-op #2: Making Friends in a New City
💼 The Co-op #3: Changing Careers
🧯 The Co-op #4: Taking Care When The World is On Fire
🦺 The Co-op #5: Setting Boundaries with Adult Parents
✅ The Co-op #6: Parenting a Kid with ADHD
✈️ The Co-op #7: Sending Your People Off Into the World
✝️ The Co-op #8: Struggling with a Changing Faith
❤️ The Co-op #9: Cultivating Hearts of Mercy
🪡 The Co-op #10: Managing Expectations with Adult Children
👯‍♀️ The Co-op #11: Discerning the End of a Friendship
👶 The Co-op #12: To Parent or Not to Parent
🤝 The Co-op #13: Talking About Faith When You & Your Partner Aren't on the Same Page
📊 The Co-op #14: Navigating Different Friendship Capacities
🫶 The Co-op #15: Making Friends as a Grown-Up
💪 The Co-op #16: Making Decisions from a Place of Strength
🥊 The Co-op #17: Respectful Disagreements in Matters of Faith
👖 The Co-op #18: Dressing for the Body We Have
🛣️ The Co-op #19: Discerning Our Career Paths
🤷🏻‍♀️ The Co-op #20: How Can I Be Me in Spaces That Don't Want Me to Be Me?
👛 The Co-op #21: How Do I Get Unstuck + Push Past Fear to Make Big Life Decisions?
👦 The Co-op #22: Raising Good Boys in a World that Loves Toxic Masculinity

Make your own suggestion for The Co-op by clicking the button below! 👇

Alright, let’s see what we’ve got for our anonymous Lil Swipe today in the comments! See you there!