🧠 Lil Treasures #73: Hard problems make our brains grow

Zac Efron's Proverbs 31 wife, leaving church, and go-to snacks when they world is falling apart...

Erin’s Weird Little Group Update: Thank you thank you thank you to all the fun folks who offered to be a part of the beta group for my new project. You’ll be receiving an email soon with details. It’s not possible for me to bring all of you into the “let’s see if this works” group, BUT just knowing there are so many of you who resonated with just the vague outline helps me know I’m on the right track. Y’all are seriously the best. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

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Hello pals! We have some new-ish faces around here, and it feels like a welcome is in order so people aren’t like:

I thought it might be prudent to dust off the old About page so everyone knows the vibe. If you’re new (or need a refresh), it’s here! Enjoy because I definitely fan-fic-ed Fred Rogers getting slightly tipsy with us and I don’t know how long the Fred Rogers Foundation will allow that to stand.

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This month, we’ve been in a haze of state standardized testing (why oh why are we doing this to these kids this year…I mean, I know why, but WHY? Or any year for that matter? Jesus be a scantron.) and yesterday was the eldest child’s last day. In the car, we were trying to hype her up (it was the hardest subject for her) and I said, “It’s going to be great. You’ve worked hard and you know this.” The middle child shouted (her default setting) from the back: “I hope it’s hard because hard problems make our brain grow and I want you to have a big brain!”

A bittersweet week (aren’t they all now?). There were a lot of great questions in the Q+A for this week, but I want to specifically talk here about one. Someone asked about having a conversation regarding the guilt and shame and tension one can feel about posting or not posting about hot and important news stories. I think (especially us white people) can feel some social media awkwardness about the way we speak or post or write or even think about tragedies involving our BIPOC siblings. The tension exists because, in one way or another, we have perpetuated or at the very least stood by as systems and people continue to devalue BIPOC lives, and now that we are learning and educating ourselves, we know the harm our words and actions (or inactions) can cause. We don’t want to say nothing, because that seems insensitive, and we do care. We don’t want to say the “wrong” thing, because in our hearts, we value our BIPOC siblings, and have no desire to dehumanize anyone or center ourselves in the story. This all comes from a place (at least for me) of love and respect, but sometimes I miss the mark. I say the wrong thing. I’m overly sensitive. I’m too insensitive. I miss a news story. I’m overdramatic. I center myself inadvertently. I’m literally doing it right now.

Let me be enormously clear. This, in and of itself, is a privilege. That I would get to “craft a message” or piggy-back on the emotional labor of BIPOC is a privilege that I must examine and do my very best to avoid. The feeling of awkwardness is a privilege. That we can choose to engage or disengage is a privilege. People who speak or post on these things often get accused of virtue-signalling (which…that is just describing being on social media. We signal our virtues and what’s important to us.), and you may want to avoid that, which I also understand because it looks like you’re attempting to build a platform or win brownie points on the back of tragedy and a system that has already done work to privilege you. And if we’ve done our homework, that is the last thing we want to do.

I’ll say this as someone who lives constantly in the fear of being performative, do not be afraid of messing up. You absolutely will. And when you do, it’s okay to say: I got that wrong and I am sorry because we are committed to being lifelong learners. We are committed to a posture of curiosity, which means we will always be discovering new things from different perspectives. Things are always happening in the world: online and off-line. It is not a social mandate that you speak on every little thing, especially online. It can’t be. Is it important to you? Do you feel an obligation to post? Why? Where are you pointing people? What is the position of your heart? Is this something that needs to be worked out in private conversation before you bring it to a social platform? I think just knowing WHY you are doing something, instead of doing it because you feel like you should, is an important aspect of anything you post. “Why aren’t you posting about XYZ?” “Well, I’m still learning about it and I don’t feel like it’s something I can speak on with authority.” “My hope is to point you towards others who are more knowledgable on this subject.” “I’m having these conversations in my personal life right now.” “It’s important to me to seek wisdom and be discerning about what I post, and I’m still thinking through it.” “I’m posting this because it made me think differently about something.” “I’m reposting this because I want to point you to a lived experience.” We’ve tried to make social media the treasure box where we keep everything that’s important to us, and I just don’t think it can be that.

You will be misunderstood. People will willfully misinterpret you. You might get called in to consider something from a different perspective. Be willing to let that happen, because hard problems make our brains grow.

Big Time Fun Q+A

Q: What’s the best kind of chocolate? Go-to snacks when life is falling apart? - @joyful.asian
A: I have some unfortunate news that I am not a big chocolate person. Do I like chocolate in my desserts (specifically my cookies and my brownies)? Yes. But bars of straight up chocolate are not for me. It’s possible I simply have not had good chocolate. If you HAVE chocolate that you’re like: THIS WILL CHANGE YOU, I will absolutely give it a shot because I am a scientist and committed to research. So tell me your life-changing chocolate in the comments and I’ll do a taste test. Now snacks, I’ve got you with snacks. Fried spam and rice is our comfort food, but it is essentially a snack. I love a Nutter Butter. Ben makes this chocolate mousse from dates and coconut milk that will inspire you. Obviously frozen uncooked Bagel Bites. Cool Ranch Doritos. Apples and crunchy peanut butter. Fried cheese in all its forms. Pop-Tarts (I’m a proponent of the break off the crust, then break the rest of the tart into smaller pieces so they are bite-sized method). I am also super interested in YOUR go-to snacks, so please share in the comments.

Q: What to do when you’re willing to do God’s work in the kingdom, but you’re waiting on direction. - anonymous
A: Pfffffft. This is a hard question because I don’t know the details. BUT I think it would be important to figure out what exactly you’re waiting on. Approval from people or approval from God? A job or an opportunity? Logistics or details? Clarity or trust? There are so many ways you can get in on God’s work. I think about Diana Butler Bass asking us to tend to the gifts we’ve been given. And I think asking God to show you places where your willingness and His work meet, even in places where we don’t expect it.

Q: We recently decided to make the heartbreaking decision to leave our church. How do we move forward and find a new church home in the midst of our grief? - anonymous
A: I don’t know the ins and outs of your decision, but what I know is that, almost always, there is grief and pain associated with leaving a church (even if it’s for a pedestrian reason like moving). So I want to gently suggest you take your time, which I know comes with its own issues, especially if it’s not only you involved, but other members of your family. But you have time. Stay home. Go on a walk (together). Schedule a meal with a good friend during a time you would normally have been in church. Ask the people you know in your life who might be wise in this area, and ask to be connected with them. Do a Bible study with your family. Pray if you can. Ask your family¹ what they want in a faith community. Plan your visits when you’re ready. Immerse yourself in a faith tradition that is different from where you came, so it doesn’t feel so difficult (if you are Methodist, try an Anglican church for a time). None of it is permanent, and you will begin to associate church with joy and tenderness and community again. But take your time and pay attention to Holy Spirit’s nudgings.

Can you share resources for Womanist and Black theology? I want to expand my horizons. - @curlydeya
A: Highly recommend anything by Dr. Wilda Gafney, An Introduction to Womanist Biblical Interpretation by Nyasha Junior, anything by Renita J. Weems. I love Toward Decentering the New Testament by Mitzi J. Smith and Yung Suk Kim, True to Our Native Land, as well as I Bring The Voices of My People by Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes.

Linky Goodness

💛 It has been an important week in so many ways. Two important victories to me are the ruling in the George Floyd trial and the second shot I am getting in my arm tomorrow. I have shared about my friend Osheta before - she is the author of Dear White Peacemakers: Dismantling Racism with Grit and Grace, and has been a clear and valuable voice this past year in the midst of important conversations about race. She is a wise friend to follow if you are looking for kindness and clarity.

💧 Also, as many of you know, Zac Efron is currently single again and I am left wondering what is going on. I’ve pitched to all my Australian friends to get a petition going to make him the next Australian Bachelor but so far no one will take me up on the offer. I just truly want this man to find his Proverbs 31 Wife. Again, I humbly offer my steps to making this happen (updated with recent casting options), since I know Zac is a Quiet Lurker here at The Swipe Up:

1. Get this man a new agent and cast him in his sweet spot: movie musicals. I love watching him gush over water (OBVIOUSLY) but if Zac is not cast as Fiyero in the movie adaptation of Wicked, heads will roll.

2. Next step: James Corden will also be in Wicked (let’s make him Doctor Dillamond). Zac and James become friends.

3. Guess who else is friends with James Corden? Justin Bieber. Here’s where Justin Bieber evangelizes to Zac Efron. Zac becomes a believer AND a Bielber.

4. Zac Efron meets a cute girl in his Bible study. BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE.

🤱 This video Carhartt made dedicated to mothers made me weep. And now I am over here contemplating ordering a pair of Carhartt overalls…

🏠 I don’t watch a lot of HGTV, but I admit I do want my home to be as beautiful and whimsical as Daveed Digg’s and Emily Raver-Lampman's house. Literally full of envy looking through those pics (and also simultaneously tucking away some ideas for later….) Also I was this weeks-old when I learned they were together and the hotness is almost too much to contain.

🤸 Two other places you can find me this week: on the Humble and Honest podcast and this episode of Wealth Edit Wednesday.

Good Tweet Clubs

Deena Shanker @deenashanker

“After my peanut butter and jelly, I’m going to keep crying,” the three-year old informed me.

Courtney Ellis 🎈 @courtneyellis

Raw cookie dough has no calories. Many do not know this.

Heather Thompson Day @HeatherTDay

I’ll tell you to your face I hate chain restaurants and then walk right into a Cheesecake Factory

Owl! at the Library 😴🧙‍♀️ @SketchesbyBoze

if you're struggling to maintain a work-life balance remember Agatha Christie, who wrote sixty-six novels but also found time to chill with llamas

matthew pierce @MatthewEPierce

God: me: so here's what u need to do

Janel Comeau @VeryBadLlama

a teenager at work asked me if I was old enough to have "seen a Playstation 2 in real life" and if anyone needs me I will be quietly walking into the sea

Hayley Morgan @hayleyEmorgan

I have just declared browser tab bankruptcy. I closed the browser window(s) and can only trust that if that information in those many tabs was meant for me...it will find it's way back. This is probably pathological.

Meg Conley @_megconley

Can we skip the baggy jeans and just go straight to Katharine Hepburn trousers?

Kevin Farzad @KevinFarzad

If an employer ever says “We’re like a family here” what they mean is they’re going to ruin you psychologically

sassy seminary student @LeahBSassy

when they come of age, every white Christian woman must make a choice:

Pals, I hope you have a lovely weekend. We will be working on our house and picnicking with some friends and I’m gonna be PFULLY PFIZERED, so let’s get it. Cannot wait to read your own treasures this week! Love you, mean it.

1. I know I’m using family/partnered language here, but that’s really just because of the “we” in the question. I hope you know if you are dealing with this and single, these words apply to you as well. ❤️