A nice thing about my home is that it used to belong to my grandparents. My grandad was a builder, and this house is the first he built in our neighborhood in the mid-1970s. My husband and I bought it after they passed. We will forever be remodeling it due to the mid-1970s vibe that endured. Every once in awhile, I come home and it still smells like their house. When you come inside from the garage, you walk into the laundry room. Even though I use different detergents, it still smells like their house. It's so comforting to have the smell visit me from time to time! I also enjoy tending to the flowers and trees they planted since I thankfully inherited a green thumb. :)
Hey Lil Swipes, new and old! I don’t know why it’s Tuesday and I’m just now reading and commenting but here we are. Could be that next week at this time we will be owners of a new home and in the process of moving in so my current home is a mess of boxes and trying to figure out what to pack and what to get rid of. The new house is definitely a treasure but I feel overwhelmed about it too. Also, I really want this to be our “forever” home and it really should be but also as we near move-in time, I second guess if it is everything I really want. So dumb yet normal on major purchases and decisions for this Enneagram 9. We love hosting people and now we finally have guest rooms to put people in instead of just the Murphy Bed in the family room.
Another treasure is that football is back…with tailgating and crowds. That is a huge part of fall for us!
I was so excited to hear about The Popcast going back to Chicago as well. My BFOTS friend and I went last time they were there and loved it so I’m really hoping the date works out for us again. There should be Lil Swipes meet ups at the tour like Carlos Whittaker does for his Instafamilia. Would so love to meet you all.
Hello! 🙋🏻♀️ I’m trying to make my entry into Lil Swipes again. I discovered this treasure trove last summer—The First Summer de Coronatide—and somehow I haven’t been around much. It’s nonsensical, but is it acceptable? Anyway, I’m here now.
It’s funny Erin asks about our homes because I am living with my parents right now in the house where I spent the bulk of my age 11-18 years, but have only lived here for days or sometimes a couple months at a time over 18-25. It’s both weird and completely un-weird that this is home right now.
There are many treasures here: fresh tomatoes and peppers from my parents’ garden, completely unbridled access to my favorite dogs, watching PBS at night with my mom.
Some moments are pretty trash—looking for a ministry job right now is not for the faint of heart 😅—but they don’t cancel the treasures. Thank God.
Oh yeah, we also sort of rescued a baby squirrel last night, which was an inconvenience and a treasure. I’ll try to link a pic below.
Don’t know if anyone will read this 24 hours late, but I plan to be around here more often if that’s all right. ❤️
I woke up at 2:30 and 6:30 this morning to feed him warmed Pedialyte—we’ve gotten advice from a wildlife professional who’s going to take him later today.
For the silliest reason when I was thinking of what to name him, the quote from Wedding Crashers immediately came to mind: “we’ve got a stage 5 clinger here.” So I’ve named him Beck, after Owen Wilson’s character John Beckwith. Obviously.
My favorite thing about my current house is nothing because it is a tiny trailer that I share with a 60 pound dog. However, the house I lived in before this was built to the precise specifications of a little old lady and was weird and wonderful in every way. You get a phone jack, you get a phone jack, phone jacks in every corner! There were many great/weird things about this house, but the one that sums it all up is that apparently she wanted her bedroom to be close to the kitchen (whomst among us?). The obvious solution was to make THE ENTIRE WALL between the bedroom and the kitchen an accordion-style folding door. Wouldn't have been my first choice, but it is very handy for moving. Other highlights include a huge porch and lovely garden. It was sometimes the only thing I liked about living here, and I was heartbroken to have to leave it.
I spent Labor Day weekend (or just, the weekend, since Monday is my normal day off) with my best friend in TN and they had actual fall weather. I think I brought some of it back because while it's still hot during the day, it's actually getting cool in the mornings and evenings.
I had almost forgotten about my job interview on Monday until my tech wished me luck on my way out the door today, so I'm just gonna go set an alarm for that real quick.
I started the new season of Star Trek Lower Decks this week and it felt like a little hug. Do not sleep on this show, especially if you're a Star Trek fan, it is such a delight.
I love the sound of your old house! It sounds a lot like the journey my parents are on with theirs right now. It was built in the 50s and used to have a "state of the art" intercom system, so there are speakers in the walls of some of the bedrooms. Also all the windows are different dimensions and the lights are on a "relay system" with buttons instead of switches. Makes remodeling things an exciting and sometimes a headache of an adventure lol!
Good luck on your job interview!! I have one Monday, too, so praying in solidarity with you. :)
The intercom system! The icing on the cake with my house is that it was built in the early 90s but has features to make you think it was built in the 70s (parquet floors, built-in small appliances). I love weird houses.
Y’all, I may have bought my first PSL of the season last week. I may have cranked the air way down in my car so it would feel like fall in south Alabama.
Trader Joe’s pumpkin jo-jo’s are the best and highly addictive. We always get 2 boxes and have to ration them (the closest TJ’s is 2 hours away).
Biggest treasure is we’ve reached the end of our Harry Potter reading journey. My oldest son finished the 7th book this week so we are watching Deathly Hallows Part 1 & 2 this weekend in between SEC football games (roll tide).
He has promptly started on the Hunger Games and I predict we will be watching that movie next weekend!
Please pray for my parents as they travel home this weekend. It has been an ordeal. They were on vacation down in Costa Rica for what was supposed to be 5 weeks (they’re retired and living the life 😂) but had to extend it due to rising Covid cases in our city and counties. My dad is a heart patient so contacting Covid is out of the question.
Hope everyone has a great and restful weekend! Go sports! Hope your teams win!
Okay so our neighborhood was established in the 20s/30s (brick streets, old maples, the whole thing) but at some point they created an official book with every house listed in the area with all sorts of information about the house and stories about the people who owned the house and where they worked 😍 and of course pictures! It is the greatest thing of my life. Only like 100 copies exist but you can check it out at the local library. It is my life dream to own one someday. 🥰🥰🥰🥰
That is so cool! My aunt was able to find pictures of the houses both my mom and my dad grew up in. (Both grew up in the same city) she had them printed and framed. It was so cool because my mom’s parents still lived in that house when she gifted the picture.
It's been one of those longest short weeks ever, ya know? Even after waking up early, working out, and showering, I still felt half-asleep going into work this morning. TGIF, am I right?
Things that happened this week (not calling them treasures or turds, they're just "things"):
-The Boy surprised me (kind of) with a birthday dinner with a few dear friends last weekend! The weekend before my birthday (the 1st), he made it seem like we weren't going to do anything for my birthday this year even though I'd told him what I'd want most a few weeks before (time with friends). I'm not usually a 'let's do something big for my birthday' person, but last year I had mono and literally couldn't even eat anything, so I wanted to make up for it this year and do a little something. He played it off as if he'd dropped the ball, and I got really sad. 😆
Then mid-week, I started suspecting that he actually had something up his sleeve - he said he'd made a reservation for the two of us to go to a nice dinner somewhere on Saturday. He mentioned he had to go pick something up for me either on Friday, which would result in him missing a little work, or on Saturday morning. He asked if I had a guess (his first mistake - I'm great at guessing 😂), and I immediately guessed correctly, but he denied it. Then he let it slip the next day that I was correct (it was a cake from the bakery we got our wedding cake from - he had them recreate a delicious chocolate cake with salted caramel filling and vanilla meringue buttercream that I didn't even get to try at our wedding 😍). The he mentioned that he'd checked with the restaurant to make sure he could bring the cake in with us (which made me think, "why would we bring an entire cake to dinner just for two of us?"). Then on Saturday when we were driving to the mystery place, he made one particular turn and asked if I had a guess as to where we're going, and I immediately knew we were going to a winery that I'd mentioned wanting to go to (again, don't ask me to guess because I'll get it right😂). My suspicions were confirmed when we ended up behind my best friend's car on the drive. 🤣 Anyway, it was a lovely dinner filled with lots of delicious wine and good conversation and laughs with friends!
-The Boy and I also got massages on Saturday, and it was a-maz-ing. We booked these right after our wedding when our honeymoon had to be cancelled. We were going to be getting a couples massage there, so when we cancelled, I immediately looked for couples massage here, but EVERYWHERE was booked until this day, which just happened to be a few days after my birthday. It was lovely.
-I almost took a new position at my organization this week, but ended up deciding not to. Long story short - the guy offering me the job wasn't being completely honest about what it would be, but it opened up the door to a really good conversation with my boss about what I need to continue in my current position. The whole thing was my enneagram 9 heart's worst nightmare, but it turned out really good in the end. At one point in my meeting with my boss, I uttered the words, "If I stay with you, what can you offer me to make it worth it?" and I couldn't have been more shocked and proud of myself. I also negotiated a raise for the first time ever in my life! 💃
-Michael and I are going camping this weekend, and I'm so excited! A few months ago, I was looking at available spots at one of my favorite campgrounds, and by some magic, the PRIME spot right on the lake's edge with tons of extra space was available. The spot that's ALWAYS booked a year in advance (literally just checked for next summer, and it's already all booked out). It has perfect views, perfect access to jump in the lake, and perfect trees for setting up my hammock, and I am so excited!
Happy happy birthday!!! Sounds like a perfect celebration! Yay for work conversations and negotiations! Those give me so much anxiety but you did it! High fives all around!
Hi friends! Yay for fall goodness at TJ’s. The gluten-free pumpkin bread mix and the harvest pasta sauce are winners for me. Adding in nuts, dried fruit, and crystallized ginger to the pumpkin bread really takes it up a notch. Recently I’ve been mainlining TJ’s honey roasted peanuts. They’re like the kind we used to get on airplanes back in the day only better.
My favorite thing about my house is that it is still standing. This week was the year anniversary of the horrible gender reveal El Dorado fire that threatened our home last year. I’m so grateful that we’ve made it through almost another summer season without that kind of fire threat in our area. I know so many others have not been as lucky.
Right now in the throes of newborn season I’m lucky if I can start the washer and the dishwasher in the same day. I’m learning that good is not always an enemy of great. If I go for great I get nowhere but some days I can manage good.
#1: We just got a Trader Joe’s in Chattanooga so yes, I WILL be buying all the pumpkin things on my next trip.
#2: Sometimes my house angers me. Why did I get one with such a steep driveway? Why do I have to replace windows and why does wood rot? And then the giant hydrangeas on the side bloom &, in the spring, the peonies come out. The previous owners loved peonies and I have a ton. I do nothing to them except trim them and they get bigger and bigger and darn it, it makes me love my house despite the upkeep.
Hey y'all, So after a while lurking...and the occasional comment and like...I need to draw on the wisdom of the masses here. Time management, work, and family. How? Just how do you do it?
My husband has been getting on to me about going into and staying at work later. I have a relatively flexible work setup, and I've definitely been flexing it to make my life easier and not really anyone else's. Anyway, Husband basically asked point blank, how are we ever going to have kids if I'm not around. It was a gut punch, and a wake up call that I have been erring a bit too much on the selfish side of things.
I'm grateful for the wakeup call, and I really want to put more effort in to being more present at home and more focused at work. Has anyone unlocked the universal secret for balancing everything? How do those of y'all with kids get stuff done? Is it possible? (Yes this is a bit tongue in cheek, but also, anyone?)
So one thing I have noticed for myself, my students, and others, is sometimes if I actually don’t have enough on my plate or am not being challenged, my time management sucks more. In jobs I was bored in or semesters in school when I was taking a light load I tended to procrastinate a ton because I had a lot of free time. Being challenged and adding more responsibilities forced me to be efficient and set up boundaries.
Which leads me to my next point — boundaries. Draw them and keep them. Say you will shot down the laptop at 5 and do so. Leave the house/office for lunch.
I have worked with people with no kids, and they often work later because they don’t have any reason to leave. I have to leave at 5 to pick up my kids, so I have to be efficient at work OR I need to set reasonable expectations about what I will be able to complete before 5. I am pretty hardcore about not doing work once I am home for the day. It’s just a boundary I’ve set and try super hard not to cross even if other colleagues might not have the same boundaries as me.
This resonates SO MUCH. When my hair is on fire, I can get a lot done (but then I beat myself up when I don't get the same amount done *all the time*). I realize I've been setting a lot of boundaries about WHAT I will engage with, but not necessarily WHEN I will engage with things. I think that will add some of that challenge and fire-under-the-butt efficiency.
I really appreciate everyone's insights and experience!!
I love that you're asking this question! I'm a SAHM of 3 and I can tell you that there are lots of times when I DON'T get stuff done and at the end of the day I have to ask myself "Did I spend time with everyone? Are they fed?" and then remind myself that sometimes that's enough. I agree with everyone's comments that boundaries are important, and setting some house rules to help balance everything helps tremendously. I'd also encourage you and your husband to choose what matters (I feel like I'm just quoting the lazy genius a lot haha) because what matters in your family might look different than what matters to other families.
And I agree with Hannah especially in that if/when you have kids, having a community of friends/family can be the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling like you can catch your breath once in awhile (kids are just...a lot...sometimes!)
I'm also oo grateful for this community and all the help it provides!
I struggle so much with figuring out what is enough, so I really appreciate what you are saying! I am so grateful for everyone here sharing their boundaries and benchmarks and...realities?
I also think when that (kid having) happens it’s a huge mental reset. It shifts and reshuffles priorities. Agree with those below that say some things won’t be as pressing and that’s fine.
I’ve got a two year old and both me and my husband work. I outsource as much as possible and not feel guilty about it. Kiddo knows that car dropping off a bag is dinner. Thank you DoorDash!
I was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, and the biggest gift I have given myself is outsourcing the stuff I don't want to do! That guilt does creep up, though, so thank you for the reminder/example that I don't have to feel that way.
Hi Anne! So glad you commented today. This question weighs on me constantly. I have two small kiddos and just graduated with my master’s degree, so I’ve been very IN IT for the last 4.5 years since my first was born. I think Megan hit the nail on the head - boundaries are incredibly important.
And for me, when it comes to my kids, I had to ask for a lot of help. Like, a LOT. My husband and I had to be in consistent conversation about it and had to compromise regarding our own schedules, and also let trusted people in. I’m super grateful for my in-laws who live close and are willing to help out a lot, but I also asked babysitters and friends along the way. And it looked different in different seasons over the years, too.
That’s my contribution for now - this is a big conversation! But again, so glad you asked!!
Congrats on your masters! (and the kids, too!) I'm in academia, and boundaries can be so hard. But you're right, the people who seem the most human in this place are the ones with the best boundaries.
I’ll also say that sometimes the help we sought out wasn’t what we hoped it would be. We tried a daycare with my older son for a little while and ended up pulling him out because it just didn’t work well for him. So part of it, too, is just trying things and seeing what happens 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, I agree with others. The boundary is really important. For me, work doesn't exist outside of my office building. I don't know the nature of your work and if that is feasible for you, but that's what works for me. If it doesn't get done, it doesn't get done. You could say the same thing for home stuff. If the toilet doesn't get scrubbed this week, no one will die. We're not going to the moon.
Hi Anne! I'll just start off by saying I'm not married and I don't have children yet, but I'll still give my two cents because life balance is something that everyone deals with.
I don't know what kind of work you do and what that looks like, but I'm in a field where it is very easy and common to work past clocked hours and to take work home with you. I've just set a hard boundary that I will go home when it is time for me to go home and I am not going to do any work when I get home. I don't allow this to be flexible, which means I have to work smarter when I am at work and sometimes things just don't get done as quickly as I'd like them to and I've just made peace with that. Another boundary that I've implemented is celebrating Sabbath on a weekly basis. Having a day set apart from any kind of work has meant that I've had to once again work smarter throughout the week in regards to house chores, errands, etc. because once Sunday hits, I'm not doing any of that. These boundaries cause a ripple effect throughout my life and my time - because I'm strict with boundaries at work, I'm able to be home more in the evenings, which then means I can get the chores and stuff done that I need to get done which means I'm able to celebrate Sabbath. On the other hand, because I have all of these fixed boundaries, I have to say no to a lot of things that come up.
I don't know if any of that makes sense or if it's helpful, but I'm happy you're here and I'm glad you commented today!
Thank you! And I can't say enough how good it feels to be so welcomed and acknowledged!
This totally makes sense! I'm in academia, and that hustle, glorified busy, doing-it-all-and-then-more image gets promoted so much. (And I'm faculty at a school of public health, so with *everything* of the past year, it's been that x1,000,000). I really love how your set up allows for you to do the things you need to do, where they need to be done, so that they get done when they need to be done. I think framing it like this for myself would save me from the trying to do everything all at once feeling.
Moving sucks! We recently moved and I realized the other day I hardly remember it! I normally have a spooky good memory and I our last two moves are mostly blurry question marks.
As for the house…eh, we have a bit of buyer’s remorse because it needs quite a bit of work we can’t do right now. The location is great, though!
My week was a mixed bag. My daughter Maggie had a neurology appointment, and we walked out with a plan, despite not having a diagnosis. There are a handful of options for what is causing her dizzy spells, but unfortunately none of them have diagnostic tests, so we have to treat down the list, starting with the most likely, until something works. I then got a call from the nurse that her chest hurt that afternoon. I think it’s anxiety from being scared about the dizziness, but it’s so hard to know what to do. She has missed as much school as she’s attended and I live in worry about another call from the school. It’s such a treasure to know that her issue is very likely not one of the major scary ones, but this not-knowing is really hard.
But the treasures are that it is happening here. We got to spend the night before with my cousin and her family, and it’s just so nice to be able to do that. ❤️
Oh, also, Erin, The First Wives’ Club is amazing and I love it so much! I think it’s because who doesn’t want to reunite with their old friends they’ve fallen out of touch with? It’s a romance, but for friends instead of lovers. (I don’t feel great about saying “lovers” but it’s the most appropriate word I could find.)
Continue to feel friendship strains between me and those who don’t agree with me. Trying to walk the balance between safety (masks! Vaccines!) and compassion / choice. I’m exhausted for continuing to worry how others choices are impacting my and my family’s health.
I feel friendships slipping away (like sands through the hourglass) because of my hesitancy to spend time with those who I feel aren’t making choices to protect the community and themselves.
Do I hold my friends and those I love to a higher standard? Yes
Am I being unreasonably stubborn? Maybe??? But how to tell?
SO HARD and you are SO not alone. I had the realization sometime deep into last winter that I was going to come out of this time with fewer friends. And I had to feel that grief. Goodness I miss some people that I have had to put at a bit of a distance (some more than a bit), but mostly because I am sad about some of the things that they have said and done that made me realize they weren't the people I thought they were. Masked up and sighing right there with you.
Oh and my treasure is the latest installment in the Armand Gamache series by Louise Penny: The Madness of Crowds. Those books are perfect fall/winter reads.
Anne Bogel just posted that Amazon and Left Bank are making a Three Pines miniseries starting Alfred Molina! Left Bank did The Crown, so I'm v optimistic that they'll do Armand and Reine Marie and all the rest justice.
A nice thing about my home is that it used to belong to my grandparents. My grandad was a builder, and this house is the first he built in our neighborhood in the mid-1970s. My husband and I bought it after they passed. We will forever be remodeling it due to the mid-1970s vibe that endured. Every once in awhile, I come home and it still smells like their house. When you come inside from the garage, you walk into the laundry room. Even though I use different detergents, it still smells like their house. It's so comforting to have the smell visit me from time to time! I also enjoy tending to the flowers and trees they planted since I thankfully inherited a green thumb. :)
Hey Lil Swipes, new and old! I don’t know why it’s Tuesday and I’m just now reading and commenting but here we are. Could be that next week at this time we will be owners of a new home and in the process of moving in so my current home is a mess of boxes and trying to figure out what to pack and what to get rid of. The new house is definitely a treasure but I feel overwhelmed about it too. Also, I really want this to be our “forever” home and it really should be but also as we near move-in time, I second guess if it is everything I really want. So dumb yet normal on major purchases and decisions for this Enneagram 9. We love hosting people and now we finally have guest rooms to put people in instead of just the Murphy Bed in the family room.
Another treasure is that football is back…with tailgating and crowds. That is a huge part of fall for us!
I was so excited to hear about The Popcast going back to Chicago as well. My BFOTS friend and I went last time they were there and loved it so I’m really hoping the date works out for us again. There should be Lil Swipes meet ups at the tour like Carlos Whittaker does for his Instafamilia. Would so love to meet you all.
Hello! 🙋🏻♀️ I’m trying to make my entry into Lil Swipes again. I discovered this treasure trove last summer—The First Summer de Coronatide—and somehow I haven’t been around much. It’s nonsensical, but is it acceptable? Anyway, I’m here now.
It’s funny Erin asks about our homes because I am living with my parents right now in the house where I spent the bulk of my age 11-18 years, but have only lived here for days or sometimes a couple months at a time over 18-25. It’s both weird and completely un-weird that this is home right now.
There are many treasures here: fresh tomatoes and peppers from my parents’ garden, completely unbridled access to my favorite dogs, watching PBS at night with my mom.
Some moments are pretty trash—looking for a ministry job right now is not for the faint of heart 😅—but they don’t cancel the treasures. Thank God.
Oh yeah, we also sort of rescued a baby squirrel last night, which was an inconvenience and a treasure. I’ll try to link a pic below.
Don’t know if anyone will read this 24 hours late, but I plan to be around here more often if that’s all right. ❤️
Hey, Jess. Welcome back and see you soon!
Hi, Annette! Thanks :)
Here’s the lil dude who made a complete beeline for my dad’s jeans:
https://photos.app.goo.gl/4keKrY3uThHrHrfo7
I woke up at 2:30 and 6:30 this morning to feed him warmed Pedialyte—we’ve gotten advice from a wildlife professional who’s going to take him later today.
For the silliest reason when I was thinking of what to name him, the quote from Wedding Crashers immediately came to mind: “we’ve got a stage 5 clinger here.” So I’ve named him Beck, after Owen Wilson’s character John Beckwith. Obviously.
Oh my gosh. The squirrel is the cutest!! And welcome back!
Thanks Beth! :) Isn't he?? He's also apparently a baby "teenager" and is so sleepy and grumpy lol. He doesn't like to be woken up for anything.
My favorite thing about my current house is nothing because it is a tiny trailer that I share with a 60 pound dog. However, the house I lived in before this was built to the precise specifications of a little old lady and was weird and wonderful in every way. You get a phone jack, you get a phone jack, phone jacks in every corner! There were many great/weird things about this house, but the one that sums it all up is that apparently she wanted her bedroom to be close to the kitchen (whomst among us?). The obvious solution was to make THE ENTIRE WALL between the bedroom and the kitchen an accordion-style folding door. Wouldn't have been my first choice, but it is very handy for moving. Other highlights include a huge porch and lovely garden. It was sometimes the only thing I liked about living here, and I was heartbroken to have to leave it.
I spent Labor Day weekend (or just, the weekend, since Monday is my normal day off) with my best friend in TN and they had actual fall weather. I think I brought some of it back because while it's still hot during the day, it's actually getting cool in the mornings and evenings.
I had almost forgotten about my job interview on Monday until my tech wished me luck on my way out the door today, so I'm just gonna go set an alarm for that real quick.
I started the new season of Star Trek Lower Decks this week and it felt like a little hug. Do not sleep on this show, especially if you're a Star Trek fan, it is such a delight.
I love the sound of your old house! It sounds a lot like the journey my parents are on with theirs right now. It was built in the 50s and used to have a "state of the art" intercom system, so there are speakers in the walls of some of the bedrooms. Also all the windows are different dimensions and the lights are on a "relay system" with buttons instead of switches. Makes remodeling things an exciting and sometimes a headache of an adventure lol!
Good luck on your job interview!! I have one Monday, too, so praying in solidarity with you. :)
The intercom system! The icing on the cake with my house is that it was built in the early 90s but has features to make you think it was built in the 70s (parquet floors, built-in small appliances). I love weird houses.
Good luck to you! See you on the other side!
Y’all, I may have bought my first PSL of the season last week. I may have cranked the air way down in my car so it would feel like fall in south Alabama.
Trader Joe’s pumpkin jo-jo’s are the best and highly addictive. We always get 2 boxes and have to ration them (the closest TJ’s is 2 hours away).
Biggest treasure is we’ve reached the end of our Harry Potter reading journey. My oldest son finished the 7th book this week so we are watching Deathly Hallows Part 1 & 2 this weekend in between SEC football games (roll tide).
He has promptly started on the Hunger Games and I predict we will be watching that movie next weekend!
Please pray for my parents as they travel home this weekend. It has been an ordeal. They were on vacation down in Costa Rica for what was supposed to be 5 weeks (they’re retired and living the life 😂) but had to extend it due to rising Covid cases in our city and counties. My dad is a heart patient so contacting Covid is out of the question.
Hope everyone has a great and restful weekend! Go sports! Hope your teams win!
Okay so our neighborhood was established in the 20s/30s (brick streets, old maples, the whole thing) but at some point they created an official book with every house listed in the area with all sorts of information about the house and stories about the people who owned the house and where they worked 😍 and of course pictures! It is the greatest thing of my life. Only like 100 copies exist but you can check it out at the local library. It is my life dream to own one someday. 🥰🥰🥰🥰
That is so cool! My aunt was able to find pictures of the houses both my mom and my dad grew up in. (Both grew up in the same city) she had them printed and framed. It was so cool because my mom’s parents still lived in that house when she gifted the picture.
My inner history nerd is freaking out over this!
Wow I love that!!
That is amazing! I would love to have a book like that about my street!
Happy Friday, friends!
It's been one of those longest short weeks ever, ya know? Even after waking up early, working out, and showering, I still felt half-asleep going into work this morning. TGIF, am I right?
Things that happened this week (not calling them treasures or turds, they're just "things"):
-The Boy surprised me (kind of) with a birthday dinner with a few dear friends last weekend! The weekend before my birthday (the 1st), he made it seem like we weren't going to do anything for my birthday this year even though I'd told him what I'd want most a few weeks before (time with friends). I'm not usually a 'let's do something big for my birthday' person, but last year I had mono and literally couldn't even eat anything, so I wanted to make up for it this year and do a little something. He played it off as if he'd dropped the ball, and I got really sad. 😆
Then mid-week, I started suspecting that he actually had something up his sleeve - he said he'd made a reservation for the two of us to go to a nice dinner somewhere on Saturday. He mentioned he had to go pick something up for me either on Friday, which would result in him missing a little work, or on Saturday morning. He asked if I had a guess (his first mistake - I'm great at guessing 😂), and I immediately guessed correctly, but he denied it. Then he let it slip the next day that I was correct (it was a cake from the bakery we got our wedding cake from - he had them recreate a delicious chocolate cake with salted caramel filling and vanilla meringue buttercream that I didn't even get to try at our wedding 😍). The he mentioned that he'd checked with the restaurant to make sure he could bring the cake in with us (which made me think, "why would we bring an entire cake to dinner just for two of us?"). Then on Saturday when we were driving to the mystery place, he made one particular turn and asked if I had a guess as to where we're going, and I immediately knew we were going to a winery that I'd mentioned wanting to go to (again, don't ask me to guess because I'll get it right😂). My suspicions were confirmed when we ended up behind my best friend's car on the drive. 🤣 Anyway, it was a lovely dinner filled with lots of delicious wine and good conversation and laughs with friends!
-The Boy and I also got massages on Saturday, and it was a-maz-ing. We booked these right after our wedding when our honeymoon had to be cancelled. We were going to be getting a couples massage there, so when we cancelled, I immediately looked for couples massage here, but EVERYWHERE was booked until this day, which just happened to be a few days after my birthday. It was lovely.
-I almost took a new position at my organization this week, but ended up deciding not to. Long story short - the guy offering me the job wasn't being completely honest about what it would be, but it opened up the door to a really good conversation with my boss about what I need to continue in my current position. The whole thing was my enneagram 9 heart's worst nightmare, but it turned out really good in the end. At one point in my meeting with my boss, I uttered the words, "If I stay with you, what can you offer me to make it worth it?" and I couldn't have been more shocked and proud of myself. I also negotiated a raise for the first time ever in my life! 💃
-Michael and I are going camping this weekend, and I'm so excited! A few months ago, I was looking at available spots at one of my favorite campgrounds, and by some magic, the PRIME spot right on the lake's edge with tons of extra space was available. The spot that's ALWAYS booked a year in advance (literally just checked for next summer, and it's already all booked out). It has perfect views, perfect access to jump in the lake, and perfect trees for setting up my hammock, and I am so excited!
Alright, that was long! Happy Friday, everyone!
Happy happy birthday!!! Sounds like a perfect celebration! Yay for work conversations and negotiations! Those give me so much anxiety but you did it! High fives all around!
The cake, the birthday, the friends… all sound amaze! And good for you for getting the raise!
Wow, that really sounds like an amazing way to celebrate a birthday! I hope you enjoyed every second.
I am super impressed by how you handled that meeting with your boss, go you!
Coming back one more time, because I just found it and thought y'all would enjoy:
- read this thread from a woman trying to find the people her father helped on 9/11. Tears for days: https://twitter.com/MercedesLV/status/1436162538622779394
Hi friends! Yay for fall goodness at TJ’s. The gluten-free pumpkin bread mix and the harvest pasta sauce are winners for me. Adding in nuts, dried fruit, and crystallized ginger to the pumpkin bread really takes it up a notch. Recently I’ve been mainlining TJ’s honey roasted peanuts. They’re like the kind we used to get on airplanes back in the day only better.
My favorite thing about my house is that it is still standing. This week was the year anniversary of the horrible gender reveal El Dorado fire that threatened our home last year. I’m so grateful that we’ve made it through almost another summer season without that kind of fire threat in our area. I know so many others have not been as lucky.
Right now in the throes of newborn season I’m lucky if I can start the washer and the dishwasher in the same day. I’m learning that good is not always an enemy of great. If I go for great I get nowhere but some days I can manage good.
Newborn days are no joke! Hang in there!
Thank you! I stand in awe of twin mamas
"some days I can manage good" might go on my quote board for a few weeks, I love it
Oh fun- Enjoy!
That last paragraph. 💜
I just rewatched the Lindsey Lohan parent trap this summer with my 8 year old niece and fell in love with it all over!
I see your excitement for Brene Brown and raise you Shauna Niequiest sharing her new title!
Turd of the week: every day has been a marathon at work because it's my last week
Treasure of the week: its my last week before a change!
The music in that movie is sneakily REALLY good!
I forgot to write that I did the whole cupcake and stupid walk thing yesterday - both my belly and soul were very happy
#1: We just got a Trader Joe’s in Chattanooga so yes, I WILL be buying all the pumpkin things on my next trip.
#2: Sometimes my house angers me. Why did I get one with such a steep driveway? Why do I have to replace windows and why does wood rot? And then the giant hydrangeas on the side bloom &, in the spring, the peonies come out. The previous owners loved peonies and I have a ton. I do nothing to them except trim them and they get bigger and bigger and darn it, it makes me love my house despite the upkeep.
Peonies save the day!
Hooray for TJs and flowers!!!
I love peonies! They’d make me forgive a house too.
Peonies AND hydrangeas?! My two favorites! 😍
Hey y'all, So after a while lurking...and the occasional comment and like...I need to draw on the wisdom of the masses here. Time management, work, and family. How? Just how do you do it?
My husband has been getting on to me about going into and staying at work later. I have a relatively flexible work setup, and I've definitely been flexing it to make my life easier and not really anyone else's. Anyway, Husband basically asked point blank, how are we ever going to have kids if I'm not around. It was a gut punch, and a wake up call that I have been erring a bit too much on the selfish side of things.
I'm grateful for the wakeup call, and I really want to put more effort in to being more present at home and more focused at work. Has anyone unlocked the universal secret for balancing everything? How do those of y'all with kids get stuff done? Is it possible? (Yes this is a bit tongue in cheek, but also, anyone?)
So one thing I have noticed for myself, my students, and others, is sometimes if I actually don’t have enough on my plate or am not being challenged, my time management sucks more. In jobs I was bored in or semesters in school when I was taking a light load I tended to procrastinate a ton because I had a lot of free time. Being challenged and adding more responsibilities forced me to be efficient and set up boundaries.
Which leads me to my next point — boundaries. Draw them and keep them. Say you will shot down the laptop at 5 and do so. Leave the house/office for lunch.
I have worked with people with no kids, and they often work later because they don’t have any reason to leave. I have to leave at 5 to pick up my kids, so I have to be efficient at work OR I need to set reasonable expectations about what I will be able to complete before 5. I am pretty hardcore about not doing work once I am home for the day. It’s just a boundary I’ve set and try super hard not to cross even if other colleagues might not have the same boundaries as me.
This resonates SO MUCH. When my hair is on fire, I can get a lot done (but then I beat myself up when I don't get the same amount done *all the time*). I realize I've been setting a lot of boundaries about WHAT I will engage with, but not necessarily WHEN I will engage with things. I think that will add some of that challenge and fire-under-the-butt efficiency.
I really appreciate everyone's insights and experience!!
I love that you're asking this question! I'm a SAHM of 3 and I can tell you that there are lots of times when I DON'T get stuff done and at the end of the day I have to ask myself "Did I spend time with everyone? Are they fed?" and then remind myself that sometimes that's enough. I agree with everyone's comments that boundaries are important, and setting some house rules to help balance everything helps tremendously. I'd also encourage you and your husband to choose what matters (I feel like I'm just quoting the lazy genius a lot haha) because what matters in your family might look different than what matters to other families.
And I agree with Hannah especially in that if/when you have kids, having a community of friends/family can be the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling like you can catch your breath once in awhile (kids are just...a lot...sometimes!)
I'm also oo grateful for this community and all the help it provides!
I struggle so much with figuring out what is enough, so I really appreciate what you are saying! I am so grateful for everyone here sharing their boundaries and benchmarks and...realities?
I also think when that (kid having) happens it’s a huge mental reset. It shifts and reshuffles priorities. Agree with those below that say some things won’t be as pressing and that’s fine.
I’ve got a two year old and both me and my husband work. I outsource as much as possible and not feel guilty about it. Kiddo knows that car dropping off a bag is dinner. Thank you DoorDash!
I was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, and the biggest gift I have given myself is outsourcing the stuff I don't want to do! That guilt does creep up, though, so thank you for the reminder/example that I don't have to feel that way.
Hi Anne! So glad you commented today. This question weighs on me constantly. I have two small kiddos and just graduated with my master’s degree, so I’ve been very IN IT for the last 4.5 years since my first was born. I think Megan hit the nail on the head - boundaries are incredibly important.
And for me, when it comes to my kids, I had to ask for a lot of help. Like, a LOT. My husband and I had to be in consistent conversation about it and had to compromise regarding our own schedules, and also let trusted people in. I’m super grateful for my in-laws who live close and are willing to help out a lot, but I also asked babysitters and friends along the way. And it looked different in different seasons over the years, too.
That’s my contribution for now - this is a big conversation! But again, so glad you asked!!
Congrats on your masters! (and the kids, too!) I'm in academia, and boundaries can be so hard. But you're right, the people who seem the most human in this place are the ones with the best boundaries.
I’ll also say that sometimes the help we sought out wasn’t what we hoped it would be. We tried a daycare with my older son for a little while and ended up pulling him out because it just didn’t work well for him. So part of it, too, is just trying things and seeing what happens 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, I agree with others. The boundary is really important. For me, work doesn't exist outside of my office building. I don't know the nature of your work and if that is feasible for you, but that's what works for me. If it doesn't get done, it doesn't get done. You could say the same thing for home stuff. If the toilet doesn't get scrubbed this week, no one will die. We're not going to the moon.
If I knew how to cross stitch, I would totally put "we're not going to the moon" on a pillow or something! <3
“We’re not going to the moon.” Amen!
Megan’s comment sounds right on. Decide (once, hey @thelazygenius) and hold the boundary. Easy? No. Worth it? Yes.
When I am being intentional about priorities and what matters, that boundary setting does get easier. Thank you for that reminder!
Ah I was going to suggest Lazy Genius-ing as well! Truly very helpful for me in naming what matters.
Hi Anne! I'll just start off by saying I'm not married and I don't have children yet, but I'll still give my two cents because life balance is something that everyone deals with.
I don't know what kind of work you do and what that looks like, but I'm in a field where it is very easy and common to work past clocked hours and to take work home with you. I've just set a hard boundary that I will go home when it is time for me to go home and I am not going to do any work when I get home. I don't allow this to be flexible, which means I have to work smarter when I am at work and sometimes things just don't get done as quickly as I'd like them to and I've just made peace with that. Another boundary that I've implemented is celebrating Sabbath on a weekly basis. Having a day set apart from any kind of work has meant that I've had to once again work smarter throughout the week in regards to house chores, errands, etc. because once Sunday hits, I'm not doing any of that. These boundaries cause a ripple effect throughout my life and my time - because I'm strict with boundaries at work, I'm able to be home more in the evenings, which then means I can get the chores and stuff done that I need to get done which means I'm able to celebrate Sabbath. On the other hand, because I have all of these fixed boundaries, I have to say no to a lot of things that come up.
I don't know if any of that makes sense or if it's helpful, but I'm happy you're here and I'm glad you commented today!
Thank you! And I can't say enough how good it feels to be so welcomed and acknowledged!
This totally makes sense! I'm in academia, and that hustle, glorified busy, doing-it-all-and-then-more image gets promoted so much. (And I'm faculty at a school of public health, so with *everything* of the past year, it's been that x1,000,000). I really love how your set up allows for you to do the things you need to do, where they need to be done, so that they get done when they need to be done. I think framing it like this for myself would save me from the trying to do everything all at once feeling.
Moving sucks! We recently moved and I realized the other day I hardly remember it! I normally have a spooky good memory and I our last two moves are mostly blurry question marks.
As for the house…eh, we have a bit of buyer’s remorse because it needs quite a bit of work we can’t do right now. The location is great, though!
My week was a mixed bag. My daughter Maggie had a neurology appointment, and we walked out with a plan, despite not having a diagnosis. There are a handful of options for what is causing her dizzy spells, but unfortunately none of them have diagnostic tests, so we have to treat down the list, starting with the most likely, until something works. I then got a call from the nurse that her chest hurt that afternoon. I think it’s anxiety from being scared about the dizziness, but it’s so hard to know what to do. She has missed as much school as she’s attended and I live in worry about another call from the school. It’s such a treasure to know that her issue is very likely not one of the major scary ones, but this not-knowing is really hard.
But the treasures are that it is happening here. We got to spend the night before with my cousin and her family, and it’s just so nice to be able to do that. ❤️
Not knowing is SO hard, I'm sorry your family is going through this right now
I’m sorry, Mama. Uncertainty about our kids’ health is the worst.
Oh, also, Erin, The First Wives’ Club is amazing and I love it so much! I think it’s because who doesn’t want to reunite with their old friends they’ve fallen out of touch with? It’s a romance, but for friends instead of lovers. (I don’t feel great about saying “lovers” but it’s the most appropriate word I could find.)
Continue to feel friendship strains between me and those who don’t agree with me. Trying to walk the balance between safety (masks! Vaccines!) and compassion / choice. I’m exhausted for continuing to worry how others choices are impacting my and my family’s health.
I feel friendships slipping away (like sands through the hourglass) because of my hesitancy to spend time with those who I feel aren’t making choices to protect the community and themselves.
Do I hold my friends and those I love to a higher standard? Yes
Am I being unreasonably stubborn? Maybe??? But how to tell?
Le sigh. Thanks for listening.
SO HARD and you are SO not alone. I had the realization sometime deep into last winter that I was going to come out of this time with fewer friends. And I had to feel that grief. Goodness I miss some people that I have had to put at a bit of a distance (some more than a bit), but mostly because I am sad about some of the things that they have said and done that made me realize they weren't the people I thought they were. Masked up and sighing right there with you.
It's so hard...
Amber, I have this same feeling, and it's tough because it drains so much energy. You're trying your hardest and you're definitely not alone
Thanks for making me NOT feel alone.
You are not the only one experiencing this, I promise.
I feel exhausted too.
I’m right there with you.
My favorite fall “non-recipe” with TJ’s things:
Vanilla ice cream in a bowl, then a healthy drizzle of TJ’s fleur de sel caramel sauce (warm), sprinkle on pumpkin spiced pumpkin seeds. TRUST ME. 😋
This sounds so goooood whyyyy don’t we have a TJs where I liveeee
Ohhhhhhh this is happening this weekend FOR SURE
Ohhhhh that sounds so good!
Optional: TJ’s candied pecans on top. I mean, Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
That tweet about Steve from Blues Clues got me right in the lolz. I startled my children with my laughter.
Oh and my treasure is the latest installment in the Armand Gamache series by Louise Penny: The Madness of Crowds. Those books are perfect fall/winter reads.
Anne Bogel just posted that Amazon and Left Bank are making a Three Pines miniseries starting Alfred Molina! Left Bank did The Crown, so I'm v optimistic that they'll do Armand and Reine Marie and all the rest justice.
This is the best news!!!
They are the perfect cozy mystery!
They really are!
I’m reading it right now! I don’t want it to be over. I’ve missed Three Pines.
Same! I’m considering rereading all of the books. They are so deeply comforting to me.